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Row, row, row yer boat

Thursday is laundry day.  It is one of two days a week that I devote to cleaning the clothes of the people that I live with.  For I am the laundry maven.  A job which I take very seriously.

Occasionally, I get an early start by dumping a load into the washer the night prior to Laundry Day.  This did not happen on Wednesday night.  For this, I am grateful.

I began with the first load bright and early on Thursday morning.  For some odd reason, I stepped into the laundry room to check on things.  What I stepped into was about 2 inches of water.  I did not notice that the hall carpeting was also wet, as I was wearing my Crocs.  And for the record, Crocs are an excellent choice for foot wear should you experience, say, a house flood.  I opened the washer to find the water filled up to the brim, and I quickly turned it off.  I called for Fiddledaddy to fetch the duct tape, because that’s what we do in times of household emergencies.

We discovered that not only was the laundry room flooded, but water was seeping into the bathroom next door under the wall, the hall carpeting was wet, and the carpeting in the garage was saturated.

The garage is carpeted?  Yes.  When I moved here from California 14 years ago, Fiddledaddy promised me annual passes to Disney World and an art studio.  He made good on both promises, but I quickly discovered that pregnancy and toddlers don’t mix with acrylic paint and furniture.  Therefore, the black hole also known as the garage/art studio became home to ALL THE CRAP that one accumulates over half a century.

Fiddledaddy made haste with the shop vac and began sucking up as much water as possible.  Then he called a recommended water extraction company who also made haste.  They evidently knew the drill and took pictures, tore out baseboards, and ripped up carpeting in the hall and garage.

This all occurred after Fiddledaddy and I, and our army of 3 minions emptied out THE ENTIRETY OF THE GARAGE.

The good news is that I found my Cheech and Chong album.

After talking to our homeowner’s insurance representative, I turned my thoughts to the ailing washing machine.  I looked up my paperwork, knowing that it was not all that old.  Seriously.  The appliance that is in most need of replacement is the 14 year old dryer which is held together with the aforementioned duct tape and can only be rendered useful with a well placed spring loaded wrench.

I found my paperwork and learned that we had purchased a 4 year extended warranty for the washer.  In August of 2008.  But then I wondered if that warranty period began right after the purchase, or after the 1st year of owning the machine.  Most of them come with a 1 year warranty.  So I placed a call to Lowes.  After being directed to a couple of wrong numbers, I finally got in touch with the warranty hot line.  Manned my a computer.  This computer went into great detail asking me about the model number, date of purchase, warranty number, reference numbers, number numbers, and did not understand I DON’T HAVE IT for that elusive number he/it was asking for that was NOT on my receipt.

And he/it most certainly could not spell my name as he kept repeating D•B•B•D•B•B.  So completely forget the email address.  When at long last (30 minutes and 2 Tylenol later) it came time to schedule a service call, the soonest I was given was a full week from the date of the incident.

No. Can. Do.  I tried to explain this to the computer, but he kept repeating “Select a date AFTER February 14.”  I then tried to backtrack and take the stupid date one week out, but he kept repeating the same sentence.

This is when I began yelling.  YELLING LOUDLY.  At a computer.  It was a proud moment, to be sure.

Finally.  FINALLY.  I got a human being on the line.  I admitted to her that I was yelling at her computer.  She laughed and said that she has done the same thing herself.

The good news is that I am covered under the warranty, so we’ll see what the nice washer repairman has to say.  (And the real live human was able to schedule sooner than a week.)  I’m hoping that the repairman says YOU WIN A NEW WASHER.  I will be hiding the duct tape from him.

More good news is that my hand will now be forced to dealing with finally getting the carpeting out of this house.  That will be entirely up to the nice insurance adjuster who will be paying me a visit tomorrow.

The water extraction folks (who surely overheard me yelling at a computer) left me with a parting gift.  A dehumidifier as large as I am in my hall, as well as EIGHT fans to dry out the flooded part of the house.  For the last 3 days it has sounded like we’re in the middle of  WIND TURBINE.  Causing us all to yell above the fans to be heard.  As you might imagine, Jensen is only louder.  I am only crazier.


Lovely, no?

I keep envisioning the opening scene of Lost, as I’m certain that one of us is going to be sucked into the blades and have body parts slung to the far corners of the house.

Only adding to the mess that is now my home.

I choose to look on the bright side of things.  A) The washing machine is under warranty.  B) After paying the deductible, I will likely be able to replace the ugly carpeting that was once a light green.  C) I don’t have to do laundry for a while.

Of course you’ll see me wearing the same ensemble day after day.  Just pretend not to notice.


11 Responses to Row, row, row yer boat

  • I feel your pain. We had a big water issue here a few months ago, except it didn’t involve an appliance. No…. my eldest son (16 1/2 at the time) fell asleep in the bathtub while filling it. He didn’t think to tell me about it until a few hours later when we saw water dripping down one of the pendant lights in the kitchen. It was also dripping around the light fixture in the pantry, and had caused wet stains in the seam in the kitchen ceiling, the breakfast room ceiling, and in the garage. The water had also seeped under the bathroom walls and into the bedrooms on either side (Jack/Jill bathroom). We had to have the pad replaced in those carpets. They tore up the baseboards in the breakfast room and drilled holes in the kitchen ceiling, then left us with several fans/dehumidifiers for a few days. We had to replace the tile floor in the boys’ bathroom and have the ceilings repaired. Only bright side was getting to eat out while they were fixing things, as we couldn’t use the kitchen. And the insurance company covered it. 😀

  • We went a week without a dryer (up here where I can’t line dry because it will freeze dry)… I kept thinking “We can go one more day.”. The outfits we were wearing by the end were bizarre, to say the least… one of my friends told me that we finally looked like homeschoolers. Hmmm. So, I guess I’m saying “Have fun!”; not doing laundry and getting a new floor are pretty big perks 🙂

    • “finally look like homeschoolers” made me LOL!! 🙂

    • “Finally look like homeschoolers” – you are hilarious! (My dryer was out of commission for two weeks – we had laundry dangling from the banister. I’m sure we were reported to the HMA) 🙂

  • I would have move not doing laundry to the top of the list, but that’s me… And here to getting rid of carpet, I will have to think of that trick as I hate our carpet but don’t have the money to get rid of it. ….Water, washer, wait several hours to “discover it”. Sounds doable….

  • You know….a really great way to hear yourselves above the roar of machines is to go to Disney. 😉 Disney is ALWAYS a great idea!!!

  • Do you have any advice for killing a fridge? Ours is ancient and needs to die.

    I’ve heard of insurance paying for hotels when extensive work is being done. Just a thought.

  • Oh, I’m sorry to laugh… but I totally cracked up… “Finally found my Cheech and Chong” album – bahahahaaa!!! Oh dear. (And I, too, have been known to yell at computerized service machines. There is a special place reserved in hell for the individual who created that “convenience”) How wonderful, though, that you had the warranty on your washer! Our laundry room is on the second floor and I live in fear of ours breaking in the middle of the night and sinking through the ceiling. Sigh.

  • We had the same issue with our washing machine a few years ago. Some kind of valve thingy that detects when there is enough water in the machine needed to be replaced. No problems since then! Good luck!

  • Our “black-Friday washer purchase” is leaking also. So much for a new fancy front-loader. =(

  • What an ordeal!!!! At least you are taking it well and giving us some humor with your hilarious post! Hope all gets resolved soon for you guys… floods really suck!