Thursday is laundry day. It is one of two days a week that I devote to cleaning the clothes of the people that I live with. For I am the laundry maven. A job which I take very seriously.
Occasionally, I get an early start by dumping a load into the washer the night prior to Laundry Day. This did not happen on Wednesday night. For this, I am grateful.
I began with the first load bright and early on Thursday morning. For some odd reason, I stepped into the laundry room to check on things. What I stepped into was about 2 inches of water. I did not notice that the hall carpeting was also wet, as I was wearing my Crocs. And for the record, Crocs are an excellent choice for foot wear should you experience, say, a house flood. I opened the washer to find the water filled up to the brim, and I quickly turned it off. I called for Fiddledaddy to fetch the duct tape, because that’s what we do in times of household emergencies.
We discovered that not only was the laundry room flooded, but water was seeping into the bathroom next door under the wall, the hall carpeting was wet, and the carpeting in the garage was saturated.
The garage is carpeted? Yes. When I moved here from California 14 years ago, Fiddledaddy promised me annual passes to Disney World and an art studio. He made good on both promises, but I quickly discovered that pregnancy and toddlers don’t mix with acrylic paint and furniture. Therefore, the black hole also known as the garage/art studio became home to ALL THE CRAP that one accumulates over half a century.
Fiddledaddy made haste with the shop vac and began sucking up as much water as possible. Then he called a recommended water extraction company who also made haste. They evidently knew the drill and took pictures, tore out baseboards, and ripped up carpeting in the hall and garage.
This all occurred after Fiddledaddy and I, and our army of 3 minions emptied out THE ENTIRETY OF THE GARAGE.
The good news is that I found my Cheech and Chong album.
After talking to our homeowner’s insurance representative, I turned my thoughts to the ailing washing machine. I looked up my paperwork, knowing that it was not all that old. Seriously. The appliance that is in most need of replacement is the 14 year old dryer which is held together with the aforementioned duct tape and can only be rendered useful with a well placed spring loaded wrench.
I found my paperwork and learned that we had purchased a 4 year extended warranty for the washer. In August of 2008. But then I wondered if that warranty period began right after the purchase, or after the 1st year of owning the machine. Most of them come with a 1 year warranty. So I placed a call to Lowes. After being directed to a couple of wrong numbers, I finally got in touch with the warranty hot line. Manned my a computer. This computer went into great detail asking me about the model number, date of purchase, warranty number, reference numbers, number numbers, and did not understand I DON’T HAVE IT for that elusive number he/it was asking for that was NOT on my receipt.
And he/it most certainly could not spell my name as he kept repeating D•B•B•D•B•B. So completely forget the email address. When at long last (30 minutes and 2 Tylenol later) it came time to schedule a service call, the soonest I was given was a full week from the date of the incident.
No. Can. Do. I tried to explain this to the computer, but he kept repeating “Select a date AFTER February 14.” I then tried to backtrack and take the stupid date one week out, but he kept repeating the same sentence.
This is when I began yelling. YELLING LOUDLY. At a computer. It was a proud moment, to be sure.
Finally. FINALLY. I got a human being on the line. I admitted to her that I was yelling at her computer. She laughed and said that she has done the same thing herself.
The good news is that I am covered under the warranty, so we’ll see what the nice washer repairman has to say. (And the real live human was able to schedule sooner than a week.) I’m hoping that the repairman says YOU WIN A NEW WASHER. I will be hiding the duct tape from him.
More good news is that my hand will now be forced to dealing with finally getting the carpeting out of this house. That will be entirely up to the nice insurance adjuster who will be paying me a visit tomorrow.
The water extraction folks (who surely overheard me yelling at a computer) left me with a parting gift. A dehumidifier as large as I am in my hall, as well as EIGHT fans to dry out the flooded part of the house. For the last 3 days it has sounded like we’re in the middle of WIND TURBINE. Causing us all to yell above the fans to be heard. As you might imagine, Jensen is only louder. I am only crazier.
I keep envisioning the opening scene of Lost, as I’m certain that one of us is going to be sucked into the blades and have body parts slung to the far corners of the house.
Only adding to the mess that is now my home.
I choose to look on the bright side of things. A) The washing machine is under warranty. B) After paying the deductible, I will likely be able to replace the ugly carpeting that was once a light green. C) I don’t have to do laundry for a while.
Of course you’ll see me wearing the same ensemble day after day. Just pretend not to notice.