On Thursday morning I arose at dark thirty to make my pilgrimage to Wal Mart in an attempt to make certain that we are well stocked for our girls-only camping trip. In other words, I was out of make-up. A really good foundational powder is key to a successful camping trip in the heat of October in Florida. I mean, what with all the humidity, my hair is going to look like I’m wearing a dandelion. And then there are the HOT FLASHES which I’m guessing will only be heightened because of, well, THE HEAT. Considering that all of nature will likely turn against me, the least I can do for sense of self preservation is to make certain that I’m not shiny.
I also looked for a battery operated fan, but I’m pretty sure that my friend, Brianna, purchased the last one yesterday, during her pilgrimage to Wal Mart. I hope she doesn’t mind if I move in to her tent. I really don’t take up all that much room.
American Heritage Girls camping is what I would call roughing it. Not like Fort Wilderness camping at Disney. Nay. There are no well placed electrical outlets and water hoses in ones campsite. Now it’s not going so far as to make the scouts hike in armed with a shovel and backpack. There are bathrooms with running water and showers. Otherwise I’d be checking into the local Motel 6 and wishing my daughters the best of luck.
AHG encourages families to camp together, but since it’s still FLORIDA HOT, and Jensen should not be subjected to ALL THE HEAT due to his skin issues, he and Fiddledaddy are going to rough it at home in the air conditioning. With the coffee pot. A wide screen television.
Anyhoo. When I woke up at dark thirty to head to Wal Mart, in my morning pre-caffeinated stupor I began to brush my teeth and noticed that my tongue was COMPLETELY BLACK.
I’d eaten nothing. I’d had no coffee.
Honestly, I jumped. WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS? I thought, well that’s it. I’m full on Linda Blair head spinning pea soup spitting possessed. Very unnerving.
And then in the quiet of the morning as I shopped, I contemplated what horror had befallen me, and wondered if other body parts would soon be turning black and then ultimately falling off. I hoped I could make it past the camping weekend. The children would be so disappointed if we missed it due to my untimely demise.
After returning home I showed it off to Fiddledaddy, who generally has an answer for everything. CALL YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY.
But then I envisioned that telephone conversation and really thought I’d like to avoid it. “Um, my tongue is black.” It just could’t be a good sign.
So I did what any self respecting paranoid adult would do. I googled it. It seems that the bismuth in Pepto Bismol can turn your tongue black and it’s quite harmless. And what luck, I’d had the Pepto Bismol pills the night before. I went on to read that it could take up to 3 days to wear off.
Black? Really? Why not bright pink?
Hopefully it will come in useful during the requisite campfire ghost story telling.
I’m going to be off the grid for a few days while I commune with nature. Please join me in praying for an impromptu cold front. Because a near naked AHG leader with a black tongue is sure to hinder troop morale.