I learned rather quickly upon moving to Florida that any body of water, no matter how large or small, will likely contain an alligator. Or three. And as luck would have it, there is a lot of water here in Florida.
In fact, in order to build yet another subdivision, the builders must first put in a retention pond. To avoid the dreaded sink hole. And then they build houses around the retention pond, calling it water front property. They will attach generally a $10,000 addition to the price of the house.
Most subdivisions will then not allow those homeowners to build a fence around their property for fear that it will screw with the unobstructed view of said retention pond. These ponds can be prettied up by adding a fountain. But let’s be clear, this is no more than a breeding ground for mosquitoes and alligators. And the occasional hapless frog.
When we built our house in our present neighborhood, I said nay to the water front property, choosing instead a lot which backed up to the nature preserve. Which is simply code for scary overgrowth. And still came with a $10,000 price hike. But at least we could erect a 6 foot privacy fence. Which has served our neighbors well with the addition of 3 children, and my annual underwear dance performed on the back porch at the first sign of temperatures that dip below 70.
Today the children were in the backseat of the van discussing the latest alligator that they witnessed sunning itself on the banks of the retention pond by our church. They were deciding how that alligator could best be moved because it might scare people from coming to church. And then they let their creative juices pour freely as they attempted to figure out different ways to relocate an alligator.
Jensen’s plan was simple and involved food. He offered, “Well, someone could feed him some alligator treats and get him to follow them somewhere else.”
Wherein Cailey, who knows all there is to know and is not afraid to share it (note to Fiddledaddy: I hope you see yourself), replied with a disgusted sigh, “Jensen, alligator treats are people.”
After a few moments of silence, Jensen thoughtfully said, “Well, that wouldn’t work then, would it?”
I’ve no doubt they will come up with a brilliantly devised alligator relocation program so that no one’s salvation is jeopardized while trying to avoid the alligator at church. They might work on a plan for the alligator that hangs out on the banks of the library retention pond as well. That one has it in for me. I’m sure of it.