Something I never had to ponder in Los Angeles

I learned rather quickly upon moving to Florida that any body of water, no matter how large or small, will likely contain an alligator.  Or three.  And as luck would have it, there is a lot of water here in Florida.

In fact, in order to build yet another subdivision, the builders must first put in a retention pond.  To avoid the dreaded sink hole.  And then they build houses around the retention pond, calling it water front property.  They will attach generally a $10,000 addition to the price of the house.

Most subdivisions will then not allow those homeowners to build a fence around their property for fear that it will screw with the unobstructed view of said retention pond.  These ponds can be prettied up by adding a fountain.  But let’s be clear, this is no more than a breeding ground for mosquitoes and alligators.  And the occasional hapless frog.

When we built our house in our present neighborhood, I said nay to the water front property, choosing instead a lot which backed up to the nature preserve.  Which is simply code for scary overgrowth.  And still came with a $10,000 price hike.  But at least we could erect a 6 foot privacy fence.  Which has served our neighbors well with the addition of 3 children, and my annual underwear dance performed on the back porch at the first sign of temperatures that dip below 70.

Today the children were in the backseat of the van discussing the latest alligator that they witnessed sunning itself on the banks of the retention pond by our church.  They were deciding how that alligator could best be moved because it might scare people from coming to church.  And then they let their creative juices pour freely as they attempted to figure out different ways to relocate an alligator.

Jensen’s plan was simple and involved food.  He offered, “Well, someone could feed him some alligator treats and get him to follow them somewhere else.”

Wherein Cailey, who knows all there is to know and is not afraid to share it (note to FiddledaddyI hope you see yourself), replied with a disgusted sigh, “Jensen, alligator treats are people.”

After a few moments of silence, Jensen thoughtfully said, “Well, that wouldn’t work then, would it?”

I’ve no doubt they will come up with a brilliantly devised alligator relocation program so that no one’s salvation is jeopardized while trying to avoid the alligator at church.  They might work on a plan for the alligator that hangs out on the banks of the library retention pond as well.  That one has it in for me.  I’m sure of it.

8 Responses to Something I never had to ponder in Los Angeles

  • Oh yeah, years ago I lived in Fla. and walked out in my back yard to hang up some clothes on the line, and almost stepped on a baby alligator, who was hissing at me. Needless to say I did not hang the clothes out that day, I’m sure there was a momma gator somewhere nearby.

  • I am deathly afraid of alligators and right with Cailey on her facts. If we are ever to visit IRL, it will have to be north of those dread creatures. Even the pic at the top gives me palpitations.

  • YAY! Jensen is reading his science.

  • Some years ago my husband and college aged daughter were visiting the Everglades and there were some alligators sunning themselves by the entrance to a visitor center. My daughter, assuming they must be fake ones, almost stepped right over one on her way to go inside. Hubby stopped her in time. Still gives me palpitations to think about it.

  • I thank you for doing a blog.

    It gives me giggles during a time that is hard to find something to smile about!

    I pray your road to recovery/wellness is short. God Bless

  • My parents live in South Fla and their subdivision backs up to the Savannas. Oh my, the gators! Whenever we visit, I try to jog their 3 mile loop (which is so nice and flat–unlike my TN hilly home). I’ve reached personal best running times when I’ve spotted gators. They are just so scary. Nothing at all cute about them, like some deadly beasts. Let us know what Jensen comes up with and I’ll tell my parents. They are ever fearful of losing one of their dogs to a gator.

  • We live in north Louisiana (no, not down south in Swamp People territory) with a bayou running behind the houses on our street. We used to swim in the bayou; in fact we taught our kids to swim there 25+ years ago. However, in the last couple of years, several alligators up to 6 ft. have been seen in the water behind our house and the houses nearby. And my husband saw one that was about 4 ft. long just a couple of weeks ago. I guess we won’t be swimming back there any more.

  • Oh, the gators. Having grown up in South Florida and relocated to New England as an adult, I am thrilled to say that alligators are no longer something I need to be watching for. And good luck to Jensen on devising a new plan. Can’t wait to read all about it!