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The mug shot

Because I have issues with putting off for tomorrow what ought to have been done yesterday (I believe the word I’m looking for is PROCRASTINATION) I finally made the pilgrimage down to the D.M.V. to have my drivers license renewed.

They sent me the warning form a couple of months ago, and I really paid no attention.  Then the week of the actual license expiration loomed before me, and I thought I could just zip down to the license bureau and take a new picture.

I was wrong.

When I read over my paperwork I was horrified to learn that I needed all manner of official paperwork proving my existence, my residence, the legality of my marriage, and my social security.  It took me a while to gather all of this vital information so I racked up a wee bit of a fine when I finally made it to the D.M.V. today.

In the interest of full disclosure, I will tell you that I haven’t gotten a ticket in many many years.  Mainly because I drive like I’m 90.  But when my license officially expired, I drove EXTRA CAREFULLY for fear that I would be pulled over.  More likely I would have been cited for SUSPICIOUS behavior because I looked GUILTY every time I climbed behind the wheel.

When at last I gathered all documentation I decided that I would take all 3 children with me right after the lunch crowd thinned.  I got myself all dolled up with make-up and even took extra time with my Chi to get my hair nice and straight.

Since the last license photograph that I took was when I was pregnant with Emme, I knew that I was going to be stuck with this one for awhile.  And speaking of my old license picture, who is this young, happy, and well rested girl anyway?

As luck would have it, just as I pulled into the license bureau the heavens burst forth with one of the heaviest rains we’ve seen since Noah.  And where was my industrial sized umbrella?

Safe at home in the kid’s bathroom.

We made a run for it and I couldn’t decide what I wanted to protect more from the rain, my hair or the precious documentation proving my existence.

As I retrieved #D810, I noticed my reflection in the window and my hair took the brunt of the rain abuse and was plastered flat against my head.  But not to worry, since they were on #354, I knew it would have time to dry.  And maybe even grow out the roots which I so desperately take great pains to cover every 6 weeks or so.

It was about this time that Jensen believed that he had left his precious Mario game cartridge out in the van, and he began with the meltdown.


Thankfully, his older sister suddenly remembered she had it with her after all. The stink eye that I aimed in her general direction may have jogged her memory.   Tragedy narrowly averted.  We made ourselves comfy and commenced with the waiting.  And more waiting.  And still more waiting.

And what luck, after 30 minutes or so, my hair was beginning to dry.  So that I was beginning to look like a dandelion.  Cailey did her best to try and smooth it down, because she is, after all, my stylist.

After a year or two, my number was finally called and I presented all the documentation.  I was forced to undergo an eye exam and was asked to read THE SMALLEST LINE.  I’m pretty sure I failed, but because I still have all my teeth, was allowed to continue the process of procuring a license.  Next up was the mug shot.  She directed me down about 6 windows to stand in front of a blue screen, and told me to wait until she counted to 3.  Which made sense except that she was still 6 windows down AND I NEVER DID HEAR THE 3.

I guess that was part of the hearing test.  Which I failed as well.

Frankly, I’m thinking my new license picture turned out awesome.  Because really, this is a much better representation of what I would actually look like should I be pulled over by the cops.

Okay, okay, so I really took that picture late at night, with no make-up.  I took the liberty of taking a reenactment photo of the scene of the crime.  The real drivers license picture is not all that bad.  But I may superglue the one I took over the real one.  Because I simply think it’s a more accurate representation.  Just sayin’.

5 Responses to The mug shot

  • Love the picture, you look great! As for the story itself, just too funny! Im glad I live in a small state and the wait is only about 15 minutes from walking into the building to walking out the door. Sort of like pulling off a bandaid – fast!

  • You crack me up! I’m glad your picture turned out well, though! When I got mine renewed, somehow I missed the part about having a new picture made. SO I showed up with my hair pulled back and NO MAKEUP on – not even chapstick! At least I had three hours to root through my bag and scrounge up some lip gloss and powder. Still.

  • Me, on the other hand, got all the stuff together because my mom had been through the mill….and then forgot! It was a week later that I had the epiphany and heart attack. And got to pay that fine, too.

    We all know this little card is used for so much else besides that day when the cop will pull us over. Then, we will never look like that picture. That’s why the number has your birthdate and sex in it – and that magnetic strip has everything else.

    But, now, you are fully documented AND in the facial recognition software database. So, when I see one of the mulitple cameras around and my phone has a GPS chip, I grin and think of all those episodes of CSI, NCIS and Criminal Minds and KNOW, gee, I have an alibi even though I don’t need one!!!

    I love your re-enactment picture – including the blue wall!

  • You crack me up, DeeDee! Glad the actual pic wasn’t as awful as it could have been.

  • Ya know, I’ve been around here awhile. I KNOW better than to eat or drink while reading your posts……you nearly killed me today!!! 😉 hahahahahahaha

    FABULOUS picture!

    I liked the eye test! I faked my way through it and actually got the “glasses” restriction taken OFF my license! So, you’ve been warned…there is one blind bat driving around Central Florida!! 🙂