The Movie Critic

I saw perhaps the worse movie I’ve ever had to sit through today in the form of Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  If Siskel or Ebert were to offer me a job, I would say that it ranks right up there with The English Patient as far as movies I hate.

And then I would be fired.

Fired for hating The English Patient, and fired for comparing the two movies in the same sentence.  They have nothing whatsoever in common, other than they both share the same degree of hate that I feel.

There were two positives that I can think of, because my momma taught me to search hard for the silver lining.

A) Diary of a Wimpy Kid was free.  Our local theatre hosts a free movie showing every week through the end of July.

B) The air conditioning in the theater is free.  This being Florida in the summer, while experiencing hot flashes, and given my frugal nature, you understand my delight at positive aspect A) and B).

I thought it odd that none of my homeschooling com padres met me at the theater for this particular movie.  Last weeks showing of Yogi Bear was popular indeed.   I’m guessing that my friends all read the stinky reviews of Diary of a Wimpy Kid, noting that the humor was HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE, even by my loose standards.

I’m also guessing that no one chose to share this factoid with me because they all assumed that I am a heathen that allows their own children to view such trash.

So, to set the record straight.  Me = Not a heathen.

Just too distracted by the thought of ALL THE FREE AIR CONDITIONING to take the time to read a review.

My children all had differing opinions of the movie.  Jensen said he was bored.  Cailey was grossed out.  And Emme declared it was the best movie she’s ever seen in her life.

Have I mentioned lately that she is entering puberty just as I’m hitting pre-menopause?  OH WHAT A FUN PAIR WE ARE.

The free movie extravaganza next week is rumored to be Marmaduke.  Tell me now, people.  The dog doesn’t run around, you know, nude or anything?

I’ll be checking the movie reviews over at Christianity Today a great deal more closely.  While using all the money I’m saving on free air conditioning to pay for my children’s future therapy.

13 Responses to The Movie Critic

  • Ohh, I loved The English Patient. One of those movies that stays with you a few days. Like Braveheart. As for Diary of a … I’ll take your word. My kids are too old, and my g-kids too young.

  • A year or so ago when the Wimpy books seemed to all the rage, I picked one up at the library to see if it might be something I could get my reluctant reader to read. The book I read didn’t really have inappropriate stuff in it, it was just NOTHING. I felt my intelligence level plummet and deemed them off limits.

    I heard Junie B is getting a movie too. I read those too! Oh my! That was not a child I wanted mine to learn ANYTHING from. Her grammar was poor and she talked back to adults. Not happening in this house. We will be skipping any movie of hers too!

    Happy Wednesday!! 😉

    • Wait…did I just write this and pretend my name was Brooke?
      I COMPLETELY agree with what Brooke says including about that unpleasant little Junie B!
      It sure is nice to know I am not the only one prereading all these books!

  • I read one chapter of the book. I hated them and won’t let my kids read them. Too much blatant disrespect for authority.

  • Sorry it was such a bad flick. 🙁 FYI: “Plugged In” has a free phone app you can look up movies on and they also have a website. These are movie reviews from Focus on the Family.

    • We’ve used Focus on the Family’s review section (Plugged In), too – even now with teens. I love that they don’t just say “profanity” – rather the review will tell which words are used and how many times. THAT specific!

  • I like commonsense.org. They really describe exactly what’s in the movie, and then I get to decide if I’m ok with that.

    That said, I probably just would have taken my kids to see Diary, too, and then I’d be all mad about it now.

  • I agree with Stacey; I always us pluggedinonline.com to read very indepth movie/music reviews. They give so much info it may spoil the movie for Mom but it’s necessary for me before letting my 9 yr old watch something since I too am “out of the loop”.

  • I haven’t seen the Wimpy Kid movie OR The English Patient, but my vote for the worst movie of all time has to go to Joe vs. the Volcano. This movie set the standard for horribleness (is that a word?) – it is the one to which my husband and I compare every other horrible movie we have the bad fortune to watch. As in: “Well, at least it wasn’t as bad as Joe vs. the Volcano!” Someday we’re going to have to let our kids watch it so they can see what we’ve been talking about all these years. 🙂

  • Plugged In Online is a great movie review sight too… it even tells you how many bad words and breaks it down.

    http://www.pluggedin.com

  • I’m so with you about The English Patient. Couldn’t stand it and turned it back in unfinished.

    Can’t tell you about Marmaduke except we follow him in the comics and he’s not inappropriate but always getting into trouble.

  • I’ve seen neither The English Patient nor Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

    HOWEVER.

    My mother and I went through what you and Emme are gong through. I was beginning and she was ending that most special time of a woman’s life. If it’s any encouragement to you at all, we both survived.

    Good luck and much prayers!