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Jail Birds

As homeschoolers, we can call most any errand a field trip.  A trip to the grocery store?  They’re learning about math, and how long it takes mommy to blow a gasket on aisle 7.

This last week, we took a real bona fide field trip to a police station.  In the hopes that this would be the one and only time our children would ever grace the interior.

I do believe that there were some gadgets that held the moms attention, far more than our offspring.  For example, the TRUTH machine.  You know, that little black box that sits in the interrogation room.  A suspect is outfitted with all manner of electrodes, which tell the machine whether or not he or she is PERJURING THEMSELVES.

I don’t know about you, but I could really get good use out of that one.

We were able to see where the 911 calls were taken.  One of the children spied a red button on the wall, at eye level.  What’s this for?  DON’T TOUCH THAT BUTTON!  We ordered all the 6 year old’s to take 3 giant steps backwards, and I made certain that I kept Jensen in a head lock.  You remember what happens when Jensen spies pretty red buttons.

Evidently, whenever the police station is evacuated during a hurricane, the little red button is pushed to shut down ALL SYSTEMS.  It is a rather herculean effort to get everything back up and running again.

I could use one of those red buttons.  I am forever turning the van around to make certain that I unplugged my hair straightener before I leave home.

Then there was the jail cell.  Well.  I don’t have to tell you how I could benefit from that in my home.  Not only would it make for an excellent time out room, but also a fabulous spot for me to get away.

The children were fascinated by the toilet.

Like they live on the prairie and have to rely on an outhouse, so this was truly a wonder to behold.


The police officer giving us the tour made fast friends with the mothers when he locked the children inside.  We tried to talk him into keeping them there so that we could make a coffee run.

After the children were released, I can tell you that there was liberal use of hand cleaner on the little jail birds, as each mom whipped out her own personal stash.

But I think my favorite feature of the entire tour was the actual police car.  It was decked out in rear hard plastic seats, with a plexiglass partition dividing the prisoners from the driver.

I’ve written to Honda on a number of occasions, asking if they could outfit their next Odyssey with this feature.

I mean really, the benefits of this type of get-up in a mommy van are endless.

The most unexpected surprise of this tour of the police station, came from Jensen, as he announced to me that he now wants to become a policeman when he grows up.

Plumber is no longer on the table, since he has developed an unexplainable fear of toilets.  I blame the Disney World toilets that flush willy nilly, whether you’re ready or not.  It’s unnerving to a small boy.

So my son may indeed see the interior of a police station again.  But let’s just hope that he’s behind the badge.

Of course, we still have a field trip to the sanitation department to plan.  So his career plans can turn on a dime.

9 Responses to Jail Birds

  • My OH is a reserve policeman (He is a Steven Segal fan). When we had my 6 year old nephew to stay, we took the kids to London and looked around the police station where he is err.. stationed.
    They have horses at that one so my daughter was happy.
    There was a traipse around the control room with people in head-sets and monitors on the wall just like on TV. We came home with rolls of ‘not yet dealt with by fingerprints’ stickers and long pieces of tape with ‘police line do not cross’ which of course went on my sons bedroom door.

    Love those hard ,upright ,squished-in back seats in the police car.

  • Ahh, there is a small problem with those “TRUTH machines” and small children. . .

    In order for them to work the “subject” has to sit PERFECTLY still.

    See the problem?

  • We’ve recently been trying to purchase a new van and, because we’ve now exceeded the maximum number of seats allowable in a mini-van, we’ve been looking at bigger vans. Most of which are used for cargo vans. I clicked on one link that offered a van which had a nice big divider between the front two seats and the back. My husband and I stared longingly at it and left it up on the computer for a few days, just to ogle.

    I mean, of course we would never…

    But two tired parents can dream, can’t they?

  • Looks like a fun field trip. I have never heard of the hard backseat of the police car thing. Who’dathunkit. But I’m sure it works out very well for cleaning whoknowswhat that might end up back there. Ew. I think those WDW potties not only scare little boys but soon to be middle aged ladies as well. I am never ‘easy’ in those bathrooms. But I have to say that I’ve never had one actually fire off on me at the wrong time. But I am always wondering…

  • As a former police dispatcher I can tell you those back seats are great. When drunks throw up in the car or you have a particularly dirty suspect back there all you have to do is hose is out. Come to think of it that would have been pretty appealing when my children were little!

  • Hubby is a police officer and he loves the back seats for the same reason as Connie. No matter the mess, hose if all off! When he would give tours mom would beg him to keep the kids locked in for just 1/2 hour so they could have an adult conversation out in the parking lot. He always made the parents stay in the building! He didn’t trust them to make good on the promise to be right back… He also could pick out which kid would use his services in a few years.

  • Your humor is fantastic but I must admit most homes with children in it could use some of the mentioned items. To funny

  • Jensen stories never fail to crack me up. (How the heck did I miss the deli story?! I love it!) The photos of the kids in the cell are priceless.

  • Too Funny…..We have always wished for a complete plastic interior in our van….oh and the self flushing toilets!!! My 10 year old cringes every time she has to use one of THOSE.