What happens in church, stays in church

At the beginning of the school year, I was concerned that by adding Jensen to the mix, I could single-handedly be setting our church Awana program on its ear.  We’re in the home stretch as the end of the year is looming, and it looked as though we were in the clear.

And then came Wednesday night.

The children were all sitting crisscross applesauce on their yellow line, paying close attention to the story that our childrens pastor was relaying.  He’s an excellent story teller, so the kids sat relatively still, with listening ears perked.

Our pastor was referencing Luke 22:39, wherein “Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives…” The verse goes on to talk about Jesus withdrawing so that he could pray.

Pastor was asking the children what are some of the things that they do, as usual.  Many small hands shot up into the air.  One child said that they go to school, as usual.  Another little boy said that he exercises, as usual, and went on to tell of the laundry list of sports that he loved to participate in.  One child said that they play video games, as usual.

And then Pastor called on Jensen.

You know how just a few moments can go by in really slow motion?  And you have lots of time to think and/or pray in those moments.  Well, here’s what went through my head, and often does whenever Jensen is called on at church, because really, I never know what is going to come out of the child’s mouth.

“Dear God, please don’t let him say anything to get us kicked out of this church.  I really like this church.  We’ll likely never find another one like it…”

And then Jensen opened his mouth.  “I WIPE MY BOTTOM.”

A small amount of pandemonium followed, as other Awana leaders strained, “What did he say?”

My silent prayer turned a corner as I began praying fervently for the floor to open up and swallow me whole.

And here’s the kicker.

There are a million and one things that Jensen does daily, as usual. BUT WIPING HIS BOTTOM IS NOT AMONG THEM.

The end.  As usual.

April 15, 2011

24 Responses to What happens in church, stays in church

  • Haha That boy has Guts!
    He will go far 🙂

  • Absolutely fantastic. Priceless, really.

  • As usual, that sounds like the perfect boy response!

    😉

    Just remember these days are the ones that set you up for parenting a teen. 😀

  • At least he KNOWS he SHOULD be doing it “as usual”. That should count for something! 😉

  • DeeDee, I come to your blog for humor…you do not disappoint. Thankfully our church is a place of grace and most people have a sense of humor too. Especially when we can laugh at someone else- just sayin’.

  • Love this!

  • HAHAHAHA!! I just love that boy. I have never met him in person but I just adore him. He reminds me of my youngest boy…both too smart for their own good, and both capable of growing gray hairs on their Mom’s heads with just one look or smile. hahahaha.

  • Yep, that’s a boy for you. He really doesn’t see how bottom wiping is any different from other things that he should do daily.

    So cute, and honest and open, and who can really get upset about that!

    Nate’s Mom

    • Yea, apparantly like brushing their teeth, and they will go far even faking you out to make you think they did
      *********
      And then came Wednesday night.
      Love it !!!

      Signed , the mother of the boy who raised his hand in response to the 2nd grade question, does your mom do drugs? He of course did , because I smoked MARLBOROS and they had just learned, cigarettes *are* drugs. Instead of being mortified, I should have rejoiced in the fact he was paying attention and not getting in trouble. 😀 I uhh, stoppped smoking shortly there after also.

  • Hey, there are worse things…..and wiping one’s butt should be a usual thing after using the “facilities”. So, just chalk this up to Jensen’s creativeness…and pray a lot! hahaha.

  • He could have talked about his bathroom AIM! Boys do that you know. Thanks for another laugh.

  • Well, he could have talked about worse things. Right???

    Priceless.

    • When I first began this blog, the name of it was “It Coulda’ Been Worse.” That still holds true… 🙂

  • That really had me laughing out loud.
    Jensen, keep up with a good work! As usual.

  • It is a good thing you are getting all of this written down. It will make for funny reading when he is complaining about his own children!

  • Laugh out loud funny! Thanks for bringing a smile to this heavy heart today!

  • Uh-huh. Never a dull moment, huh? As usual.

  • Bwahaha! I completely sympathize. We have our own version of “Jensen”, named Sully.

    He is the one that consistently throws the pastor doing the Children’s Sermon off-track. He is the one wiggling like he has pants full of ants. He is the one usually trying to get “into the shot” as our 11 am Sunday service is locally televised, and the Children’s Sermon segment shows up on the big screen right in front of them as the Pastor-du-Jour tries to get them a little closer to Jesus. He is the one that makes us hold our breath and send up fervent prayers from our seats in the church’s balcony, because we NEVER know what will come to pass on any given Sunday morning!

    Thanks for the laugh. Again. 🙂

  • This definetely made my day!

    This last hospital stay, I put a sign on my bathroom door banning anyone entrance except for a nurse or I. Thus, my baby brother (5) had to use the bathroom down the hall. I guess a nurse was in there and Zach couldn’t help but shout “I REALLY HOPE SHE HURRIES. I HAVE TO GO POO-POO. I’M TRYING TO HOLD IT, BUT THE SOFT POO-POO IS SLIPPING.”

    Gotta love little kids, he he!

  • I thought for sure it would be something about playing with or in the toilet. 🙂

  • I am totally not surprised. What would have been even more awesome is if he had used a more colorful word than “bottom.”
    Not that he’s ever heard that word…
    Thanks for the laugh.

  • That’s hilarious. I’ve decided boys like to say things that include body parts whenever possible.
    I have a rather challenging 4 year old student and yesterday he snatched a little girl’s show and tell right out of her hands. It was a fluffy white mechanical dog that walks and barks. He flipped the toy over while she was screaming for him to give it back. When I instructed him to do so and that snatching things from people’s hands was not ok, he looked at me and said, ” I was just looking for it’s P****.” Well then. I’m hoping the rest of the class didn’t hear that!