Save the Salmon

After a long hard day parenting, homeschooling, laundering, chauffeuring, and general upkeep of my family, I thought that I would slave over the stove to cook them a wonderful meal.

Because that’s the kind of gal I am.

All of the stove burners were occupied with homemade mashed potatoes, steamed fresh green beans, and Jensen’s hot dogs.  Jensen required hot dogs because salmon was on the menu, and he gleefully reminded me that he is allergic to fish.

Therefore, the salmon was relegated to the oven.  On the broil setting.  Using a recipe that I’ve used many many times.  Simply, I make a marinade of olive oil and garlic, and them I add salt, pepper, and a little of Emeril’s secret seasoning.

I threw some shrimp on the broiling tray, because I had a hankering for shrimp. I doused them with a bit of the marinade.

When it was time to turn the salmon, I scooped up the shrimp, and returned the salmon to the broiler.  All was going splendidly, as I hustled the potatoes and green beans over to the table, to make room for the broiler pan to sit on top of the stove.

I opened the oven door to check on the progress, and I was greeted by flames.  Centered in the pool of marinade where the shrimp once stood.  I quickly closed the oven door, turned off the oven, and assessed my options.

Save the salmon.  

I mean, have you priced salmon lately?

I grabbed the pot holders, opened the oven door, and retrieved the broiler pan containing two beautiful salmon fillets and shooting fiery flames.

I calmly sat the pan on the stove top.  In the meantime, Emme had flown out of the room and ran down to Fiddledaddy’s office.  “DAD! FIRE!” This was when both Cailey and Jensen were made aware of my predicament, and began screaming and crying, both falling to the floor.

I was aware of none of this.  As hard as it may be to believe, but in the face of an emergency, I become very focussed.  And very calm.  And very quiet.  Eerily so.

I decided that the best way to put out the blaze, and at the same time save the salmon, was to smother the flames with a handy tea towel hanging on the stove handle.

Unfortunately, when I prepared to smother the flames, the tea towel inadvertently fanned the flames and they grew to a rather alarming size.  Undaunted, I decided that I would wet my tea towel, and give it another go at smothering the flames, taking care to avoid moistening the salmon.

However, Fiddledaddy had his own idea and stepped in by grabbing the kitchen sink nozzle, pulling it out to its full extension, and spraying water all over my stove, me,  and the beautiful salmon.

There was a good deal of commotion that followed.  I argued the case of attempting to save the salmon, he argued the case of keeping the house from burning to the ground, Emme argued that she should have been allowed to use the fire extinguisher at will, and Cailey and Jensen were left to wail on the floor.

And what luck, all of our windows were open, so that the neighbors were able to enjoy our pre-meal time banter.

When the air cleared, and everyone calmed down, I quietly squeezed the excess water from the salmon and placed them in a saute pan.  Fiddledaddy talked to the children about fire safety and how we need to have a plan in the event of an actual emergency.  Everyone has a job.

He told Emme to first get him, then the fire extinguisher.  He told Jensen to remain calm.  And he told Cailey to go get mommy’s camera for a blog picture.

I received no instruction.  I’m guessing that’s because he perceives that it is difficult to teach an old dog new tricks.

At the end of the day, the salmon was saved, and we discovered the merits of having a regular fire drill built into our action packed schedule.  I was left to mourn the loss of my after dinner shot glass of Choco-Vine.  And how really nice it is to go out to dinner.

February 18, 2011

12 Responses to Save the Salmon

  • Hilarious! Glad all of you (and the salmon!) survived!

  • LOL… glad the salmon was saved, and that things didn’t “really heat up.” 😉

    It seems that has happened to us a couple times in the last couple of years. My Mom left some grease melting on the stove. It got too hot and caught fire. In her panic she stuck it in the sink and turned on the water. WRONG!! Praise God, nothing else caught on fire, but we still have the soot marks on the ceiling. I too gave the “in case of fire” talk, again, to kids. And a reminder to my Mom to GRAB THE BAKING SODA FOR A GREASE FIRE.

    The kids STILL talk about that at least once a week.

    Two weeks ago I was frying some french fries and had the oil too hot. Again, flames. I grabbed the flour instead of baking soda and the flour caught fire. I then did indeed grab the baking soda and a bad situation was averted. 🙂

    I don’t think I’ll ever live that one down. 😉

    And, with this comment, I think I found my next blog post. LOL… 😉

  • Fiddledaddy, thanks for thinking of the blog photo! 😉

  • Hilarious! That actually happened to me a few months ago. I baked an apple pie, and some of the juices dripped into my oven. Nothing happened, and once the oven had cooled, I wiped it out and went about my business. The next day, I baked biscuits, and noticed a lot of smoke. I opened the oven and there was a fire on the floor of the oven! Apparently just wiping the juices didn’t help a whole lot, and in fact smeared it all over the oven. I later scrubbed it off with baking soda and all was well. Except my biscuits. They tasted like campfire.

  • You are such a wit, DeeDee! Now this wouldn’t have helped your fire drill exercise, but you might be interested in how I prepare salmon when there are no stove-top options — or even when there are. You see I’m a lazy cook. I simply slather a salmon with dijon mustard, crush some dill on top (or serve with capers) and microwave it! Five mins. later, we’re at the table.

  • Too funny! I wish I could cook Salmon but hubby is allergic to it as well and will even react if I cook it! Yes I tried that once and we had to go to the emergency room because he could not breath. Fun times.

  • I also would have wanted to save the salmon! So good thing Fiddledaddy tried water before the fire extinguisher. I think I would have grabbed a big pot lid to try to cover it to exclude the air. Since a flaming tea towel could be problematic too.

  • You slay me! I needed that laugh today as I have 3 stuffy nose boys all coughing and yucko. Thanks!

  • I big puffy heart love your family. I wish I could be your Ethel to your Lucy performances. Fiddledaddy could sit back and film that hot mess and make millions. 😉

  • I once had a toaster catch fire and shoot flames into the air. I put on my oven mitts, tossed a kitchen towel over it, unplugged it and carried it, still burning, into my back yard. I left it there so my sone wouldn’t be late for school.

    When I got back, the towel hadn’t smothered the fire at all, but had caught fire as well. The plastic on the toaster had all melted, and all that remained was the metal insides of my toaster.

    That was a memory!

  • Oh, DeeDee…I love you! I’m SO glad I am not the only one to whom these kind of things happen. I related your story to my husband who just shook his head at the unlikeliness that I would find an online friend so like me. (Except for the fact that you actually COOK and make things from scratch.) I know he was impressed by that…although he will not eat seafood, so salmon would never be something I could make anyway. Thanks to Emealz, I’ve cooked almost every night this week (with the exception of a birthday dinner out.) I’m very proud of myself, but we all know pride goes before a fall, so when I do ‘fall’ in my culinary skills, I’ll be sure to share the joy with you!

  • I set the kitchen on fire when I was a teen. My mom had done it only a couple months before I did. My dad didn’t have much confidence in either of our culinary abilities;)