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Rated M for MY EYES! MY EYES!

Years ago, especially as a card carrying member of the Screen Actors Guild, I was an avid movie goer.  SAG had a program, which for a nominal yearly fee, allowed members to view new releases (plus an occasional classic re-release) with other SAG members.  It was always a respectful audience, with everyone staying until every last credit rolled.

On those rare occasions that I actually get to a real theatre nowadays, we still stay until every last stinking credit rolls.  Every once in a while we’ll see old friends names either in the cast or the crew.  That is a delight.  And almost worth the price of admission.  Almost.

Now the majority of my movie viewing is done from the sanctity of my barkolounger.  And I have to rely on outside sources to alert me as to which movies are worth seeing.  One of my favorite resources is Christianity Todays online “best of” archives.  And when I find a movie that I want to watch, I order it from the library.  Sometimes it takes a while.  For example, many months ago, I requested “Crazy Heart.” Because I’m a sucker for a down on his luck country singer kind of movie (this was not a pick by Christianity Today, btw).  I was something like #78 in line at our library.  When it finally came in, I must say that I didn’t care for it.  I just kept wanting Jeff Bridges to shower.  And brush his teeth.  And eat better.  Proving once again that I really am 94.

The other day, I was perusing my Facebook friends stream, and happened upon a post by a girlfriend of mine who was talking about Russell Brand, and how funny he was on Conan O’Brian.  Frankly, whenever I’ve seen photos of him, he frightens me, but I must say that when I recently caught a snippet of a talk show he was on, I did think that he was funny.

Well, the comments that followed agreed that he was hysterical, and recommended that my friend see the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”.  And then I think one more of her friends seconded that idea.

I’ve had a few rough days, what with all the hacking, vomit, and general BAD MOODS in this house due to high fevers.  I could use a good laugh.  So I put a hold on “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” at our intrepid library.

It came in the next day.  This should have been a clue.

I arrived at the library with all 3 children and my rolling cart, so that I could fill it with the 24 books that I had on hold for this next semester of school.  Our hold pile also included 2 Backyardigans DVDs and “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”.  

That night after safely tucking everyone into bed, I popped the movie into the DVD.  My reading glasses were characteristically missing, so I did not read the synopsis of the movie.  But I did note that it said “NOT RATED” in large print.  Interesting.

Three minutes into the movie, I was witness to full frontal male nudity.  I gasped.  And this was just as Fiddledaddy wandered through the room.  “Um, WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING?”

Well.  Because I did not have the benefit of my glasses, I could not find the STOP button on the remote.  SO ALL THE NUDITY CONTINUED.  Sweating profusely, I was so flustered I pressed PAUSE.  And in my head I was all JUST MAKE IT STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT, MAKE IT STOP!

Finally, I was able to extricate the offending disc from the DVD player.  The same DVD player that is home to The Sound of Music, The Backyardigans, and Blues Clues.

I had to explain to Fiddledaddy why I happened upon a film such as the one I was almost watching.  “You picked it up from the library?  With my children in attendance?” I nodded miserably.  The headline that ran through my head:  Little middle aged Christian homeschooling mom watches p*** in her spare time.

And if you’ve seen the movie, and think it’s brilliant, I do not stand in judgment.  Somewhere in the last 15 years of my life, I have morphed into someone that needs to be careful what I watch and listen to.  That’s just the way I roll now.

I have decided that I will be returning the film under the cloak of darkness, dropping it into the metal book slot, after library business hours.

And I will likely stick a little bit closer to Christianity Todays online picks for my movie viewing.  But, just in case I run out of options, and knowing what you know about me, do you all have any recommendations for more wholesome type comedies?

46 Responses to Rated M for MY EYES! MY EYES!

  • We just watched (again) “It’s A Mad Mad World”. It’s an old movie, but I never fail to laugh a lot at it.

  • Off the top of my head, Paul Blart Mall Cop. I picked up a raincheck last week at Target b/c it was on a good sale but was out of stock.

    I’ve had those, oh wasn’t that supposed to be “good” moments myself at the library. 🙂 We often check Plugged In (Focus on the Family) though they don’t have *every* movie that has ever come out. A movie you might not have heard of is Flipped. It just came out on DVD a few weeks ago. It sounds like a cute movie though. I got my husband the Best of The Cosby Show DVD for Christmas and we have thoroughly enjoyed it. 🙂

  • Hahaha! Still laughing!

  • Well I now have a picture of you trying to turn off the movie only to pause it instead, that I can not get out of my head so thank you for that!!! Last movie I went to was the newest Harry Potter one and don’t have time to sit and watch a movie right now. If I sit, I fall asleep proving that I am the one who is 94 here!!!

  • Last summer we ordered the entire Little House on the Prairie series from Amazon. My daughter gets up at a ridiculously early hour to catch an episode most mornings before school and she’s on the last CD right now. Then there are the three movies. If your family, especially your girls, you might enjoy that. We had taken one of the years out from the library but it was in such bad condition I just broke down and bought it. It was worth the $60 some dollars a paid for the entire set.

  • Duh – meant to say that if your family enjoys the books, they might like the shows.

  • I’m a sucker for the old movies. I love all the “Road” movies with Bob Hope in them. Also Danny Kaye in “A Song is Born” is totally awesome!

    Sadly there hasn’t been much out recently that could be considered wholesome. Or even worth the price of admission to the theater.

  • Thank you for a morning laugh as I sit here with one child nursing a fever…and the usual “fun” trying to get the tween out the door to school! Movies can be shocking these days…that is for sure. We find ourselves gravitating to mostly Disney or Walden Productions these days. I agree “Mall Cop” is pretty funny. I usually check out the same movie reviews as you…my children know we will not see a movie unless Mom has read the reviews first! 🙂 So happy you are beginning to feel better! Thank you for sharing your life and stories with all of us.

  • I usually check out Plugged in Online also. It lists the “sexual content”, “violent content”, “language content”, etc… Haven’t really seen many laugh out loud comedies lately. I try to stay away from the crude, rash ones they are putting out these days. Some of the older comedies that are funny are: Fletch, What about Bob?, Nothing but Trouble and a classic in my house “The Burbs” with Tom Hanks and Carrie Fischer. Even these movies are not completely without some language. Oh, “When in Rome” is a cute newer movie. It has Kristen Bell in it.

  • Thanks so much! I NEEDED a laugh this morning! 🙂

    Sadly, I find very little in current movie offerings that I choose to watch. We’ve been sticking with classics from the 50’s and 60’s. Of course, the musicals from the 30’s and 40’s are pretty good too! There is never a long “hold list” for them! 😉

    I have a bone to pick with the people that write the summaries on the back of the DVD’s and decided which category the movie falls in. Recently, we’ve watched two movies that were in the comedy section that can only be described as DRAMA! I don’t need to watch drama, I live drama!

  • OK, so the movie I remember laughing the hardest over was “RV” with Robin Williams. THere is even a cutesy homeschooling family in the movie…another one that I could see you enjoying is “New in Town” with Renee Zelwegger- or whatever her name is…paints small town in enduring fashion and is funny if you’ve ever lived in afrigid climate….dont’cha no….there’s my 2c. You’re welcome.

  • I’m just wondering: Is it possible your well-meaning friends meant to recommend “Saving Sarah Cain” instead of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”? Sarah Cain is a sweet, wholesome movie, and the titles are clearly similar.

    • Never mind — just re-read the Russell Brand part. Our favorite comedies are still Princess Bride and School of Rock. But mostly we just watch Everybody Loves Raymond re-runs and laugh hysterically.

  • Have you seen Dan in Real Life? It’s a sweet and funny movie about a widower with three daughters who all go for a family get-together, and romance–with a big twist–ensues. Return to Me is an old one that I love to watch again.

  • Also, a similar thing happened when we were visiting our son and daughter-in-law a year or so ago, only it was my husband who chose the movie for all of us to watch together, thinking it was an action flick. It turned out to be action all right–the kind that scalds your eyeballs. Couldn’t get it turned off fast enough!

  • Now that’s just funny! Only because Hubs tape the same movie just because of the title and then one night starting watching it after my sweet angels had gone to bed. And like your husband after the first 5 minutes I asked him….what kind the H-E-double hockey sticks did you tape??? Needless to say he hit the delete button and we completly forgot all about Sarah. I have to also admit my favorite movie right now is The Blind Side. There is some language but the story is just awesome!

  • Cheaper by the Dozen with Steve Martin is a bit older, but still fun. I like to watch the Jane Austen novels made into movies. We are also sci-fi buffs and have really enjoyed the Stargate Atlantis series. Fairly clean with lots of action. We got all 5 seasons from the library.

  • I think someone else already mentioned it, but “New in Town” is a really cute, funny movie. 🙂

  • Try “Leap year”. It was very funny, and I don’t remember any nudity or awful things from when I saw it.

  • You had me laughing so hard, it sent me into a caoughing fit (have been sick). So so funny. Love the visual. The only movies I ever get out to see are with Macy. Saw Narnia and loved it. Haven’t seen Tangled yet, but that is on the list. One of these days, I’ll see grown up movies again. I, too, like the good, old fashioned, feel good romantic comedies! Life has enough drama of its own!

    Love you, my friend. Enjoy reading about your life 🙂

  • Groundhog Day is coming up again — we’ll try and watch the movie again — never get tired of it 🙂

  • We had a similar experience when my husband and I rented “Wedding Crashers.” So many people said it was hilarious. So we popped it in and were soon being attacked by the “f” bomb. Holy moley!! I don’t think I have heard so much filth strung together ever! LOL

    I will agree with The Blind Side. It is one of my kids’ favorite movies!

  • We just watched “Leap Year” and both liked it. I look at the pluggedin.com site AND commonsensemedia.org to get reviews. The commonsense site is secular, but I like that they give an age of when the movie would be appropriate.

  • reminds me of the time i *purchased* Dukes of Hazard remake for my husband and didn’t notice that i was getting the unrated version. All the sudden half way thru the movie they walk into a sorority house with 20 topless women. OH MY WORD…

  • It’s very old but we LOVE “It Happened One Night”.

    Hmmm that’s all I can think of…maybe I need to get out more?

  • A little off topic, but you did start out by mentioning “Christianity Today” magazine . . . wondering if you are aware of or read “Home School Enrichment Magazine”? I follow the Creation Museum on Facebook, & there was mention of this magazine today. Seems they interviewed Ken Ham in the latest issue. The website given was HomeSchoolEnrichment.com in case you or other readers want to know more. BTW, I rarely comment, but I do use FB to follow your blog. Really enjoy your humor in spite of the difficulties in your life.

  • You crack me up by the way…Leap Year….We loved it!

  • I have three faves, two of which you’ve probably seen, but one is truly a great movie but hard to find. The first two are Secondhand Lions, and Big Fish. GREAT movies. The last one is one I will never forget, and it’s called My Trip to Bountiful or possibly Trip to Bountiful. It’s worth the effort to try to find this movie. So it could be in the M’s or the T’s so look both places before you give up. None of these are comedies. But great movies nonetheless. Let me put it this way, they may not be in Christianity Today, but I would recommend them to my mother, so they might as well be.

  • “Hitch” is my current go-to movie for a good laugh.

  • Secondhand Lions. I love that movie. We even let our kids watch it….several times.

  • Thank you so much for the laughter! I’m getting over the worst cold I’ve ever had – laughed so hard I was coughing – and loved it!!! Read it to my husband and he was cracking up, too.

    I could picture everything – you write so well.

    My husband and I are also very careful what we watch, even though we take some kidding for it. Some people don’t understand spiritual influence.

    When I was a teen back in Sat. Bch., my brother took me and two of my girlfriends to a cartoon movie a couple of his friends recommended. I don’t think he could have sunk down in the seat or turned any redder as the movie progressed. Movie? Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat. That it was R rated should have been a clue. My brother was (and is) straight-laced and the epitome of honor. I really would have hated to have been the “friends” the time they got together.

    Thanks again for your offerings. You remain in my prayers. God bless you all!!!

  • LOL! You crack me up. We loved Beezus and Romona. Funny and sweet movie. The whole family enjoyed it.

  • I recommend Lilies of the Field (1960’s, Sidney Poitier). I think your children would love it also. My 2nd graders loved it! The BBC series, Monarch of the Glen, is wonderful and the dvd’s should be available.

  • I was mortified by the language in Crazy Heart and felt the same about Charlie Wilson’s War. The nudity … the inevitable shame that followed!

    Funny favorites are: Dan in Real Life, Mall Copy, Guarding Tess, Hope Floats, What About Bob? Fever Pitch (For Red Sox Fans) Jumpin’ Jack Flash, Tootsie, Bye-Bye Love, Straight Talk, While you were Sleeping – Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to find a 100% pure, sweet movie but for us, this year, it was Toy Story 3.

    Feel good favorites are: (Tissues May Be Required) Mr. Holland’s Opus, The Trip to Bountiful, My Dog Skip, Driving Miss Daisy, A League of Their Own, My Girl

    I’m going to check out Big Fish and Leap Year based on the recommendation above.

    Continuing to pray blessings and good health over you in 2011…

  • I cannot tell you how much I laughed at this. I, too, have had those moments, and with two teens in the house they are usually right there with me as I am trying to desperately turn OFF a movie we rented.


    At least you were alone for a moment.

    I have a thing for period movies et al and am current hooked at both the “Cranford” series and “Larkrise to Candleford”. Both are from BBC. Larkrise in playing the later episodes on PBS, so I have ordered the earlier ones from Netflix and am happily ensconced in 1800’s England right now 🙂

  • OK: At risk of sounding like your MeMaw, here is my all time hit list:
    Steel Magnolias
    Fried Green Tomatoes
    Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood
    While You Were Sleeping
    Sleepless in Seattle
    They just don’t make ’em like they used to. Except in Narnia.

    • Raye,

      Proving yet again that you are my people. I’ve seen every one of those movies and LOVED THEM. 🙂

  • Dee,

    You are so FUNNY! I was raised on Hollywood musicals so my favorite oldies are: Daddy long legs, On the Town, the Court Jester, Gigi, The Band Wagon, and of course American in Paris.

    Other than that, i just started subscribing to Netflicks (which we can stream into the TV via the Wii) and it has a fun feature that lets you give stars to the movies you have watched to profile your viewing habits and make recomendations for you. Yes, some are not rated. but that is the beauty. You can rate them lower and then they won’t be recommended to you.

    I thought it was just a movie site but was surprised how many TV shows including so many kids cartoons, Documentaries are available for viewing.

    the Downside is no parental controls, so if your children are “adventuresome” they could get into trouble. But you do get to see what you watched recently so if anybody wonders into dangerous territory, you will know it.

    God Bless!


  • Oh. My. Goodness! What a relief that your kids didn’t get up for a drink of water just then!
    But I did laugh (softly, because I have a chest cold, and it hurts to laugh) just thinking about you accidentally pushing pause instead of stop, therefore prolonging the agony! What a hoot!
    I just watched The Princess Bride yesterday for about the 97th time. Still love it. “No more rhyming now, I mean it!!”
    “Anybody want a Peanut?”
    And I totally heard Phoebe’s voice saying your post title.

  • Made me laugh OUT LOUD. Too funny! I just had a similar experience a few months ago. I sent MY HUSBAND to the library with the kids, and told him to grab me a movie while he was there. I popped it in when he got home, and not 2 minutes into the thing my eyes about bugged out of my head! I said, “Do you know what movie you brought home?” Well I forgot that he has karataconis, and his vision is TERRIBLE, so he couldn’t read the synopsis if he wanted to. We laugh now, but not funny at the time 🙂 He was mortified… New In Town, Blind Side, Love Happens, all ones I like!

  • I’m with you! My husband actually prescreens most questionable movies for me. He did get me “Inception’ for Christmas which I have now watched 2 times. GREAT movie…very clean (a few words.) It’s a must-pay-attention movie though that will leave you with many questions. I like that kind. I also liked “Shutter Island”. It was a little weird and scary, but in a good way.
    (catching up on your recent posts after my trip to Philly 🙂

  • I would recommend “Lars and the Real Girl” (clean and very sweet, but funny too) and “Napolean Dynamite” (also clean and very funny).

  • Bawh Ha Ha! I miss you and your blog. Can’t wait to catch up. (I wish I could have been a fly on the wall watching your expressions. Not the movie.)

  • For more contemporary adult movies I liked Leap Year recently (there is a very brief scene where she is in her bra and slip and she grabs something to cover up IIRC) also Do You Know the Morgans is soooo funny! It has a few swear words, but it’s about a city couple thrown into the backwoods b/c of outstanding circumstances and how they deal with being totally out of their element. I think you would really enjoy it!

  • A recommendation for family movie viewing that no one has made yet is purchasing a ClearPlay DVD player. You have to purchase the filter package as well (a monthly/yearly membership fee) but you have access to downloadable, movie specific filters and you set the parameters as to what you want filtered out. No nudity, but you’re okay w/ action scenes? You can set it that way. It has revolutionized movie time for our family. We love it.

    The problem in our home is that we just purchased a Wii, so now streaming Netflix is handy and there is no way to filter that content. I’ve been spoiled with no bad words or objectionable content…