The Cleanse

I placed a phone call to my doctor’s office on Monday, hoping above all hopes that some of my tests had come back.  Sadly, the tests I’m most anxious to hear about, the Lyme and Candida tests, take a few weeks.  So I have to wait until the week of Thanksgiving to know.

Since I strongly suspect that Candida is playing a largish role in all of my misery, I decided to take matters into my own hands and initiate a cleanse.  After sort of perusing a book on cleansing, I began in earnest a couple of mornings ago.  In this particular program, you only eat raw vegetables.  With a side of air.

Now to spice things up, you can blend your vegetables, or chop them, or puree them into what you might call a soup.  But absolutely no fruits or gains were allowed.  The idea is that you don’t want to give the yeast anything to dine on.  Fiddledaddy suggested that I might want to stay on this cleansing diet until Thanksgiving week.

Shoot me.

I did okay the first day.  By the second day, I was delirious.  When I took my girls to their A.H.G. meeting, I had Jensen with me out on the church playground.  A couple of other moms were there with their offspring, including one of my very good friends.  Who knows me well.  And knows what I’m going through and that I now lack a filter  whenever I open my mouth.

I was telling her about my latest odyssey of The Cleanse, and I began the conversation with, “Fiddledaddy thinks that I have…”  I slammed the brakes on.  Because the word that nearly escaped my mouth was “chlamydia.”  One of the more interesting aspects of my disease is my lack of ability to remember words that contain more than one syllable.

She saw the look of panic in my eyes after I finally spit out “candida” and she immediately knew what I nearly almost said in front of good God fearing church women and their children.

Which of course would have made for some interesting church fodder.

Anyhoo.  Yesterday was at best, a hellish day physically.  Not to mention mentally.

And as a result of the two day cleanse, my inflammation was even worse, and I couldn’t help but think seriously about eating the stucco on the house.  So in total, my cleanse lasted two full days and nights, stopping just short of me enjoying my first colon cleansing enema.

Which I cannot even fathom I will ever do.  Ever.  Not because I think it’s such a bad thing, and I’m sure only good would come of it.  But because the instructions require that you assume a position that I can’t possibly configure myself into.  Given my physical restrictions.  Pity.   

I woke up this morning and fixed myself a nice bowl of Brown Rice Cereal with some rice milk.  And I felt 100% better all day.  What I’ve done instead is stock up on some yeast reducing probiotics and supplements.  I’m adding Grapefruit Seed Extract, Oregano Oil, Garlic Pills, and a fiber drink that is specifically for yeast overgrowth.  Which interesting tastes rather like stucco.

Way easier than starving, and then enduring an enema, in my estimation.

Besides, I already know I’m full of c***.  Which I think just adds to the air of mystery about me.

8 Responses to The Cleanse

  • The words “colon cleansing enema” trigger my gag reflex. I am so thankful that you didn’t have to undergo such sadism. I do hope for you that the results of your tests will come sooner than Thanksgiving. I will pray it is so.

  • Gag, puke, ick, yuck, ohnowayinheckwillIevertrythat.

    That is all.

  • Just eating only raw vegetables sounds like enough torture, thank you very much.

    Good luck.

  • Oh My what you have put your body through! So glad you stopped that torture after 2 days! I know you want answers, but wait for the results please? In the mean time take your time to rest and enjoy your family.

  • I may be able to do the veggie thing for a couple days but the enema would not be something I could bring myself to do. And that isn’t really something you ask your spouse to help you with. Well, I guess you could but that might hinder the relationship later. LOL

  • In the third paragraph you say gains instead of grains, and I can only think that a cleanse would make sure you wouldn’t gain weight!! I’m glad you stopped after 2 days and feel better already, I don’t think I could do that either. 🙂

  • Hello Dee Dee,
    I just found your blog while looking for another one and the next thing I knew almost an hour went by. What I read has been so very inspiring. Thank you for sharing your struggles…..makes me feel less of a nut case. Although I do not have Lyme I am currently struggling with chronic pain. About 5 years ago I contracted a UTI that went into my kidneys. I ended up with a case of double pyelonephritis. It was very painful and the pain has never stopped. I know what it is like to have doctors not believe you……. I have been laughed at in an emergency room–had members of my extended family believe that I was “only seeking attention”, I lost my church family due to an accusation of “shopping for pain meds” by a doctor that went to my church… the list goes on. I thank my Lord for lifting me up when I was ready to give up. Thank goodness for my loving husband. I feel so badly what he has gone through these last several years……but I suppose what is tearing my heart out right now is the letter I got from my little girl’s Kindergarten teacher. The letter was to inform me that she was lacking in social skills and was being refered to the school psychologist. My youngest did not have the benefit of play groups and Sunday School……..I was/am limited in how long I can be up and about. I can not stand the thought that I have set my child back socially. I worry about my older kids too and now I am wondering what I could have held them back on. It’s getting late so I better close. Take care and I will be praying for you.

  • It seems like you just keep doing one radical diet thing after another. I agree with LynnMarie, you need to take it easy. Wait until your tests come back and in the meantime, if you must, pick the best idea and go slow with it over a period of time to see if it worked. Just like adding foods to a baby. I know you want to find out what is wrong RIGHT NOW but that is not practical. Plus, if it is Lyme Disease why would all these food contortions do any good?

    If your body is sick you need to eat good healthy food over a long period of time to get better. Use common sense. Drink pure water and get lots of rest. All this stress is just making things worse for you. I know you are sick and will need treatment, but in the meantime do what you can to pamper your body.

    Your body has been under extreme stress for a long time. Between steroids and heavy chemicals and serious painkillers – surgeries, crutches, travel, disappointments, lousy doctors, pain and the radical diets, your body has really taken a physical & emotional & spiritual beating. Plus you have kids! Can you do things like get massages? Talk to someone you trust to help get it out emotionally. Take naps. Do whatever it is to help yourself relax. Get anointed at Church for healing.

    We all care about you and want you to feel better but it just seems you need to rest your weary spirit.