I heard a scream in our backyard today. Which is not unusual, since my children are bent on making certain that our neighbors think we’re insane, and they save some of their best bickering for the out of doors.
I looked out into the back yard, preparing myself to add to our bad reputation, when I spotted Emme standing up on a chair, pointing at a snake on the ground. While screaming at her younger brother to get back.
Jensen, on the other hand, had grand ideas of capturing the hapless snake to add to his collection of guys.
The snake was transfixed, head raised, staring at the screaming 11 year old standing on the chair. Completely unaware of the pending danger that lurked a few feet away.
I did what any self sufficient mother would do.
I screamed for Fiddledaddy to come and save Emme from the snake. And the snake from Jensen.
Needless to say, Emme was a little unnerved. And desired to be indoors. However, she still had 10 more minutes of sunbathing to go.
You see, ever since we found out that my Vitamin D levels were in the toilet, Fiddledaddy has been researching Vitamin D and its affects on health. It seems there is a nationwide epidemic of Vitamin D depletion, which has been the cause of many health issues.
I’m taking supplements, but I’ve also been ordered to sit out in the sun for 20 to 30 minutes a day. Since I don’t own a 2 piece bathing sausage casing, I have to do it in my shorts and sports bra. Never fear, the 6 foot privacy fence has been mended, thusly sparing all the neighbors from certain blindness.
The children have also been ordered to do the same. And happily, they can frolic in their little bathing suits. Except for Jensen, who prefers to while away his therapeutic 20 Vitamin D minutes by throwing rocks at the fence. While clad in his underdrawers.
I have yet to encounter a snake during my time in the sun, but I have had a wasp land on my toe. Fortunately the toe of my good leg, so I was able to kick him off.
But for me, the most dangerous part of the whole experience is getting in and out of the camping chair set up in the yard for my sunning pleasure. It comes complete with a foot rest and cup holder. But I fear, nearly every day, that it’s going to end up upside-down on top of me. While I lay prone on the ground. Eye to eye with a snake. As my son lobs rocks at me. In his underwear.
While the neighbors peer over the fence to see what the commotion is all about.
Perhaps it would be safer to increase my Vitamin D supplements.