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Back in the saddle

It is with a great deal of excitement that I tell you my car keys have been restored to me.  The condition placed on my ability to resume driving was that I must be able to get in and out of the driver’s seat. Without sawing off my leg.

Fiddledaddy followed me out to the car to make me demonstrate how I would maneuver my bum leg.  Determined, I careened my way out to the car on my crutches, choosing the Mommy Van as my vehicle of choice.

Since I knew Fiddledaddy’s tiny Prius would not accommodate a leg that can only bend 20 degrees.  Although, to get the car keys back, I would have been more than willing to hang the leg out of the open window. With a red flag tied to it.  Because that’s the law.

I opened the van door as far as possible, and moved the seat back to its furthermost position.  I placed my crutches behind the driver’s seat, and then placed my rear end on it.  Scootching back as far as humanly possible.  The right leg, the one that actually bends, made it in just fine.  Then the moment of truth came as I slowly lifted the offending left leg, and tried to clear the opening.  It took a bit of work, and I made certain to disguise the pain by plastering a faux smile on my face, so that Fiddledaddy would have no idea of the colorful diatribe that was running amok in my head.

The leg finally cleared.  With satisfaction, I said, “SEE!  I can do it! Now, give me my keys.”

“Show me how you are going to manage the parking brake.”

Crap.  I stared at my feet for a moment.  I put the steering column thingy in PARK, for crying out loud.  Isn’t the parking brake redundant?  Then it occurred to me, I CAN TOTALLY USE MY RIGHT LEG TO PUT THE PARKING BRAKE ON AND TAKE IT OFF.  I mean, I hardly ever need the parking brake while accelerating.  Right?

Then came the quiz.  “What if the car catches on fire?  You can’t run.”

I pondered this a moment. I would totally be bar-b-que.  Then with confidence I answered, “Well, I have a sneaking suspicion that if the car were to catch on fire, AND IT NEVER HAS, I might be motivated to pick up the pace a little.”

Dubious, he handed over my keys.

Wherein I slammed the car door shut, peeled out of the driveway, and burned rubber out of our subdivision.  Not unlike the scene in Cars where Lightning McQueen escapes the boot, and tears off screaming down the road.


13 Responses to Back in the saddle

  • So glad you got your wheels back! Just be careful not to overdo it (haha) and get grounded again.

  • Hubby is currently doing the parking break thingy with his hand (his left ankle being in a cast). It’s a foot pedal, but I think he takes all his pent up aggression out on that thing everytime he has to drive somewhere.

  • Wouldn’t that be “car-b-que” instead of “bar-b-que.”
    Sorry. I couldn’t help myself, I’m a dork.
    Congrats on your new freedom! Does it remind you a bit of turning 16?

    • Car-b-que. That made me laugh out loud. 🙂

      And it would remind of of 16, if I could shave 30 or so years off and balance on my platform shoes…

  • Congratulations! I remember my first driving after each c-section. Wow. What a lot of freedom we take for granted!

  • Glad you’re back behind the wheel! Woo hoo! I drove when I had a broken left foot. I think it’s the only thing that kept me sane. I could GET OUT of the house. Enjoy!

  • Speed? You are speed! Kachow!

    Have fun with your renewed freedom!

  • Plaster a bumper sticker on the back of the mommy van that says, “Eat My Dust”. Vroom……..

  • Umm. . . I don’t really use the parking brake. It’s not like we have HILLS in Florida. 🙂 Perhaps I should rethink this? Does everyone else use it??

  • Car-b-que! hahahahahaha

    Congrats on the wheels! Sometimes a mom just needs a little alone time! 🙂

  • I think we should move the date of Independence Day to NOW. In your honor. I hope you played fast and loose with your free time. After all your in-home suspension, you deserve a break today. And tomorrow. And the next day. Hooray for 20% of movement!

  • Congrats on being free this 4th of July! Should I call you Zippy!!

  • Parking brake? What’s that? I thought people only used those on mountains and stuff… I actually used mine the other day at my Dad’s house (in Georgia) because his driveway is really steep, and of course when I got back in the car the next day and tried to GO, my car kept beeping at me. It took me five minutes to figure out what the heck was going on… and that was after driving halfway down the street with the brake on! Duh!

    Congrats on your newfound freedom 🙂