Salamander, it’s what’s for dinner

A while back, I announced that a largish black salamander had taken residence in our garage.  And made mention that the garage was now dead to me.  No mans land.  A place I no longer graced.

Well.  I admit to a few trips out there, while wearing closed toed shoes and with the lights on full blast, because that is where my beloved upright freezer is housed.

But other than that, I just open the garage door, and toss stuff that needs to go out there, well, out there.

Fast forward to Saturday, when I was ordered to bed rest by Fiddledaddy.  My knee is inflamed again, which I can barely speak of without breaking down into heaving sobs, and I’ve had all sorts of tests done, but am now awaiting results.

I’m not very good at that waiting business, by the way.

Fiddledaddy left to do some emergency grocery shopping (read: we were out of ice cream sandwiches) and took most of the offspring with him, leaving Emme home to keep an eye on me.

Because when ordered to bed rest, that’s usually the last place you’ll find me.  But I was dutifully complying because WHAT HO, my iPhone morphs into an iPod.  MUSIC, SWEET LIGHT 70’S ROCK MUSIC!  Emme was laying beside me playing a game on the laptop.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted something sporting a long black tail making its way under my bed.  After I untangled myself from my earphones, I leaped up to standing position in the middle of the bed.  Not an easy feat with a bum knee.  Nonplussed, Emme looked up at me, “Mom, what are you doing, you’re suppose to be staying off your feet.”

I stuttered and stammered until I finally relayed that I thought a large black Salamander had just moved in under the bed.  AND IT WAS HUGE!  Emme stood on the bed with me, not that she was frightened, but because she’s generally not allowed to stand up on the bed.

Eventually she got down and because she is my daughter, she went for the camera.

This image was captured while I was phoning Fiddledaddy alerting him to the event.

GET. HOME. NOW.

He asked me if I planned on standing there until he got back, and I said yes, that was the plan.

In the meantime, Emme, the Lizard Whisperer, disappeared into her room, and reappeared dressed head to toe in black, wearing vinyl glovewear.  “Mom, this is just like on ‘Bindi the Jungle Girl’.”

Yes, except on ‘Bindi the Jungle Girl’ it’s rare that the adults ever wet the bed.

She crept around on the floor, peering under the bed with the industrial flashlight.  Meanwhile, my bladder got the best of me and I lightning fast hobbled off the bed and made haste to the sanctity of the kitchen.  Where eventually I sat up camp watching from the doorway into my bedroom, seated on my comfy office chair, eating Pop-Tarts.

Because that’s what I do in times of extreme stress.

Eventually Emme flushed the offending Lizard/Salamander/Monster out into the sort of open and I was able to take a picture, using my handy zoom feature.  So as to remain 1/2 mile away.

Notice the beady eyes, as he craftily tries to blend in with the electrical ware.

I will admit that the creature was not nearly as large as I had first envisioned.  But still.  IT WAS UNDER MY BED.

Eventually, Fiddledaddy and entourage arrived back home, and all the family ascended on the bedroom.  Sans me, who remained stationed in the kitchen.

I heard a good deal of furniture being overturned, squeals of both fear and glee, and crashing precious family heirlooms.  Eventually Fiddledaddy came rushing out of the bedroom, with something wrapped up in plastic, heading to the nearest exit.

I breathed a sigh of relief, until I turned around and Emme stood directly behind me holding an amputated Salamander tail.  Which was still wriggling.

Then the room went dark and my eyeballs rolled to the back of my head.

It’s a good thing that the Salamander and all his body parts were successfully evicted, because I am in no mood to move to a different house during the heat of the Summer.

The end.

June 7, 2010

20 Responses to Salamander, it’s what’s for dinner

  • Are your bedroom walls purple? Of course, that is Donny Osmonds favorite color. At least it was back in the day. I had my walls purple when I was a fan of his back in the mid 70’s. Anyway, I am glad the culprit was exterminated from your room so you can continue your bedrest.

  • You and your amphibian issues! 😉

  • Aw, you poor dear. I’m sorry you had to endure such trauma…enough to drive you to pop tarts.

    It must have been horrifying.

  • I’m right there with ya standing in the middle of the bed. Of course, I would’ve been screaming my head off hysterically too. I don’t do reptiles or inscects. Period. Saw/”interacted” enough of them while living in Africa to never want to see another one again.

  • Oh, my gosh, I would have died.
    We New Yorkers freak out over the tiniest of insects in our bedrooms. All I can say is that
    at least it wasn’t a snake. That would be cause for eviction and a move to, say, Alaska!!

    Thank goodness for 10-year olds!

  • You know what this means, don’t you? You’re in trouble now….You “exterminated” the scout. He was sent out by his colony to find a new home. Under your bed seemed like a good place. Now you’ve hurt one of their own and they will come and get you. The entire salamander colony. They know where you live…. They know where you sleep. Why, this might be like “The Empire Strikes Back”, only with salamanders. Hey, I’m just sayin’. AAAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!Don’t turn off the lights:)

  • LOL oh my goodness. You poor thing. Well you are not alone….I once stood on the counter over a teeny tiny tree frog I thought I saw. 🙂 AND if it makes you feel any better, my husband the former exterminator is known in our house to curl up in the fetal position at the mere site of a spider, guess who has to be the official spider killer in our house? me. At least until I figured out my 9 year old son loves to get them. He ewas promoted without much whining from me about losing that title. We are thinking of buying him a car for his 10 bday to.:)

  • Did you know Cuban tree frogs can climb into the vent pipe for your bathroom plumbing, climb down the pipe, swim through the water in the pipe and pop up in the toilet to look at you just as you open the lid and go to sit down? I know that, now. They can get back out the same way, quicker than you can hit the flusher.

  • Oh my word. I wonder if we’ll have that sort of adventure when we are in Florida???

  • I just love y’all. And how you all always encourage me in my neurosis. 🙂

    And Debi, my walls are a deep plum. I love the color. Do NOT call them purple in front of my husband, or I will find myself with a paint brush in my hand. And for the record, nothing to do with D.O. Although, I do appreciate that you no that purple factoid as well! 😉

  • There goes my keyboard again….when will I learn to not sip my 2nd cup of coffee while reading your blog? I end up spewing said coffee all over the place because you are always SO GOOD for a morning laugh….or snort in my case! And I hate to tell you this…but I think that your “salamander” is actually (or WAS) a “skink”…..they love garages and get MUCH bigger – just sayin’….. =)
    and oh, once their “colors” come in they are quite pretty to look at….when they are DEAD!

  • Oh my… What a story!!! Wouldn’t you know the one time you get to lay in bed that nasty old thing gets under you! I have the same issues with reptiles. I hope your bed is a safe haven now…

  • Coming out of lurkdom to say….I was laughing as I was reading this UNTIL I felt something crawling up my leg….gaaaahhhhhh! That’ll teach me not to laugh.

  • Sheesh. First the frogs, now this. It’s like a plague is being delivered unto your house. In Oregon we have to deal with big hairy spiders, meaning I have to deal with them because I am the husband. You are fortunate to have wildlife experts living under your roof.

  • Yep, that’s a skink. When they are threatened, their tails turn blue and they drop off. It’s a survival tactic leaving the predator oooo-ing and ahhh-ing at the pretty blue tail left behind while the tailess skink slinks away. Have you seen that new show about Billy the Exterminator???

  • So funny … and the pictures put it over the top!

  • Oh mah gawsh! You deserve a whole bag of oreos for youself.

  • You are better than me. If that thing had been in my bedroom I wouldn’t be sleeping in there any more. Or you would have found me on the ceiling fan! Glad all is well again in the house of Fiddle.

  • Reminds me of the “night of the bat” at our house. We were up all night chasing that thing. Eventually we locked a cat in the room with it, closed the door, opened the window and slept in the guest room. No bat in the morning…just a pathetic sounding cat.

  • Your posts really should come with some sort of rating system so we know when to put down the beverages before reading or not try to read when it’s 12:15 AM and everyone else is snug in their beds alseep! LOL!

    Good job teaching your daughter to photograph FIRST then tend to the situation at hand! Very good. I’ll give you bonus points on your annual homeschool evaluation!

    btw – last week my girlfriend who lives down the road and around the corner then down the other road….found a black racer snake in HER BEDROOM! Much screaming ensued. Then there is the bobcat she saw tonight! (she lives in a subdivision!!!!)

    Surprisingly, she has yet to call the realtor and put her house on the market!

    I just have boring ol’ palmetto bugs. 😉