We had another incident of public nudity at the library, involving my 5 year old son.
I just thought I should report that.
I don’t know what it is about our library that makes him throw all decorum right out the window. And as usual, his 8 year old sister was right there to draw attention to his plight.
I had the bright idea to conduct homeschool in the childrens section of our library this morning, because Fiddledaddy needed to get some work done in a quiet atmosphere.
I don’t know about your particular homeschool (my homeschooling compadres), but our homeschool is anything but quiet. We suffer the usual MOM, SHE JUST STABBED ME IN THE HEAD WITH A PENCIL, and MOM, TELL JENSEN TO QUIT FARTING TOOTING IN MY FACE! Fart is a bad word in our house.
So is the other dreaded F word. Fat. But, I digress.
Then there is the occasional ARE YOU PEOPLE TRYING TO DRIVE ME INSANE? That is usually coming from my pie hole.
Ahh. The joys of homeschooling.
So we headed to the library. None of us hardly ever yell at one another in the library.
After we’d been there a while, Jensen announced he had to go pee-pee. I said that I would help him. The childrens bathroom is a one room affair that is open to the usually crowded childrens section of the library.
Before I could make it to the door (first day NOT on crutches, YEAH ME) he had dropped trow in the middle of the bathroom. Door wide open. His sister was already in the bathroom decorating her hair, and when she noticed her brother with his trousers and spiderman underwear hugging his ankles, she began shrieking.
JENSEN, NO! PULL UP YOUR PANTS. PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU. MOM! JENSEN IS NAKED!!!!
Whoever was blissfully unaware of Jensen’s predicament, now had a front row seat. I rushed in and closed the door as quickly as I was able.
I leaned against the wall and I prayed a little prayer. The one that I usually draw upon in situations such as these. “Dear God, please don’t let us get banned from the library. The next closest one is 20 miles away, and I just don’t have it in me to make that trip. Oh. And could you open up the floor so that I might be swallowed up?”
We emerged trying to act as normal as possible.
A little later, a sweet little girl of no more than two, took a liking to Jensen and his stuffed Mario guys that accompany him everywhere he goes. Suddenly she looked startled, gazed up at her mother, and announced, “MOMMY, I have to go pee-pee.”
And with that, in one fell swoop, she pulled off her training diaper. Right in the middle of the childrens section of the library.
Jensen, stood up and said in all caps, “HOLY MACKEREL!”
We all turned to look at him, AS IF.
He may have just met his soulmate.
I have heard rumors that because of budget cuts, our fair library may be closing.
Should this horrible injustice actually occur, I think we all know that it has nothing to do with budget cuts.
I’m thinking that I’m going to start adorning Jensen’s pants with suspenders. Or staples. Just to give me a little more lead time. It will be so much easier than trying to break in an entire other library staff.