The Mario Years

We celebrate our childrens milestones, not through birthdays, but rather phases.  This is especially true with Jensen.  Who has had his phases well documented on this blog.

First, we weathered the vacuum phase.  The phase that initiated my fear of entering any store that featured a vacuum aisle.  Lowes has a fabulous vacuum aisle.  As does Target.  Wal*Mart pulls a weak third.

If Jensen produced even a semblance of decent behavior, (i.e.: no fire alarms pulled, no loud and inappropriate discussion of his mother’s cleavage, no impromptu public nudity) he was rewarded with a trip down the vacuum aisle.  And by a trip, I mean we circled so many times that nausea occurred.

Granted, he had a fleet of toy vacuums at home to do his bidding, but the real thing was what got his blood pumping.  I could never drag out the vacuum at home without him jumping on it and obsessing about dragging it off to live with him in his lair bedroom.  I had to sneak in my weekly vacuuming. Or just dispense with the ritual altogether. And it should be noted that I had to hide the BIG RED WATER VACUUM (aka: the carpet shampoo vacuum) out in the garage.  Behind the Christmas decorations so as to remain invisible. Hence the state of our carpeting.

The vacuum phase mercifully came to an end when we learned that Jensen was allergic to dust mites.

Then there was the toilet phase.  A personal favorite.  Jensen could never be trusted in a bathroom unassisted.  As he would flush his own head.  Childcare workers at church had to be warned to take evasive action.  Even when assisted, he was known to suddenly lick the seat with no warning whatsoever.

Lick the seat. This was a maneuver paralleled only by his ability to drop to the church lobby floor to taste of the electrical outlet.

Then we stumbled into the dog phase.  Wherein Jensen communicated only by barking.  Incessantly.  The neighbors got quite a kick out of him howling in the backyard until every single dog within 2 miles answered him.  Good times.  Jensen can still be heard yapping on our outgoing answering machine tape to this day, prompting friends to inquire, “When did you get a dog?”

It’s just Jensen.  Who now inexplicably prefers to pee outdoors.  But whatever.

Now we have graduated to the Mario years.  It’s all about the brothers Mario.  Plus friends and foe.  When Jensen happens upon any group of children, he deftly wrangles them into playing Mario with him.  He assigns them characters, costumes, and a death defying scenario.  Since he’s quite passionate about it all, very seldom will another child decline his offer of play.

I’ve had quite a time keeping him in Mario toys and coloring pages.  The toys on the market are crap, and the coloring pages can only be procured online.  And frankly, he has grown weary of coloring the same pages over and over and over and over.

Cailey, the artistic 8 year old sister has totally stepped up to the plate to provide Jensen with coloring pages.  She is creating a series of Mario-centric coloring sheets.  So far, there are 3 in the saga.  From the looks of things, the ending is not going to go well for Princess Peach and her mushroom sidekick.

Yesterday, when Jensen expressed an interest in becoming Raccoon Mario, Cailey fashioned him a headdress.  For a tail, he sported a smart purple and black plaid belt, trailing from the back of his garanimal pants.  He wore the ensemble to the library.  But at least he kept his pants on.

I can’t wait to see what the next phase will bring.  I’m hoping it will be something Superhero in nature.  A Superhero with a quiet inside voice.  And a thirst for obedient behavior.

I fear it may be Captain Underpants, however.

And that is when I will enter the phase in which I earnestly seek to be medicated.

April 14, 2010

14 Responses to The Mario Years

  • I love this kid.
    Which means I am destined to have one like him, but my Mom wished a “Calvin” (of & Hobbes fame) upon me years ago so I’m pretty sure it’s inevitable anyway.
    But I really love this kid. 🙂

  • Thank you for sharing your “Jensen Adventures”. I have two boys just like him, only a little older. I tire of the strange looks from relatives who just can’t understand b/c their boys “would never do that”. It is nice to know there are other mothers in the world suffering as I have.

  • so far Charlie’s only obsession has been vehicular – Hot Wheels, NASCAR, Monster Jam Monster Trucks, & Thomas the Tank Engine. He’s an only child which limits his exposure to other kid stuff & there aren’t alot of kids in the neighborhood. I fear that will change with public school Kindergarten in the fall.

  • Aaahhhhh……little boys. You can’t live without them and you can’t (legally) throw them outside and lock the door. Um…. Just kidding:)
    Years ago, my now 14 yr. old son went through a Sly Cooper (of video game fame) phase. It eventually ended. ……but more phases came to take its place. Oh well. He keeps life interesting. There will be time to rest when I’m old. And really who needs sanity anyway? It’s highly over rated.

  • Hide everything red that can possibly be used as a cape. I have been down the superhero road and it’s not for the faint of heart.

  • Love the comics!

  • Oh my God! We are HEAVILY into the Mario years here too! I’m already trying to figure out how to make a freaking Bowser costume out of paper mache for this next Halloween. Argh!

  • I was so impressed by sister’s drawings for Jensen. How sweet is that? (PS: I’m an elementary school teacher, and believe me: there is worse than Captain Underpants. Walter the “something” Dog comes to mind.)

  • Oh lands. It is so sweet to put a sweet face with his name. I suspect he and my 4yo Alex would get along fabulously. Both of our boys love Mario, too. In fact, my 4yo said he wanted to be “Amy” for Halloween. I explained that Amy was a girl and he was a boy, and his reply was, well, it’s a costume. that stinkin’ Bowser is pretty popular around here, too. =)

  • Okay, you truly got a LOL out of me with your last line. Earnestly seek to be medicated. I highly recommend wine combined with reality television. Let’s face it, a healthy dose of tv will reinforce that your kids are in fact, pretty dern awesome. See specifically, Super Nanny and wife swap.

  • Oh my Gosh I love the comics! I need her artwork over here because my son is a little obsessed with Mario lately, too. And we don’t even have anything Mario. He and Rowan run around screaming “MAH-DIO MAH-DIO, SAVE ME MAH-DIO” all the time. I think he heard his classmate’s Spanish nanny saying it and that’s how it comes out. It’s pretty funny.

    What a fun playdate we could have…. (That is, if you’re still not interested in my “dropping my kids off for a month at you house for discipline cd training” idea….”)

  • OH! I have a “licker” too! She does not limit herself to toilets or outlets, just anything that catches her fancy…. the couch. Your shirt. My arm. Books, toys, TV’s, anything that is NOT food is fair game! Nice to have company here in CrazyTown!

  • I have to say, I remember each one of those stages. I’m so glad we are on the Mario stage right now, at least we (meaning jensen, me And a few kids) can talk about how hard is to pass the volcano. Well, of course I need tips plus his face really glows when he talked about it.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Sylmarie,

    I just love you. I have to tell you that he mournfully told me that no one wants to play Mario with him in Sunday School. I told him that the kids wanted to hear about Jesus, especially in Sunday School. He found this hard to believe. We’re trying to weave Mario into our Bible stories. I’ll keep you posted on how that goes. 🙂

    DeeDee

  • Aaahhhhh……little boys. You can’t live without them and you can’t (legally) throw them outside and lock the door. Um…. Just kidding:)
    Years ago, my now 14 yr. old son went through a Sly Cooper (of video game fame) phase. It eventually ended. ……but more phases came to take its place. Oh well. He keeps life interesting. There will be time to rest when I’m old. And really who needs sanity anyway? It’s highly over rated.