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The Shopping List

I’ve had to relinquish a few of my beloved duties, since enduring my knee injury **air quotes**.  One of which is the grocery shopping.  I have to admit that I love grocery shopping.  Not in the sense of WHAT A JOY, GROCERY SHOPPING.  But more along the lines of PRAISE GOD, I’M ALL ALONE FOR NEARLY 2 HOURS AND WHAT HO!  OREOS!

I go to great lengths to create my menu and subsequent grocery list, I have my coupons color coded and alphabetized, and I pencil in an early morning stop by McDonald’s for a large cup of their delicious coffee prior to parking in an early morning primo Wal*Mart grocery store spot.  I then spend the next 2 hours unfettered by my children and even other shoppers as I peruse the aisles in search of the perfect shopping fare.

Which may or may not include screw top Port Wine. Do not judge me.

Fiddledaddy has been a particularly good sport about assuming the shopping duties these last months.  But I’ve never been more proud of him than this last weekend.

There were a few emergency supplies that I was in dire need of to get me through the weekend.  And this meant a trip to Wal*Mart.  On the Saturday afternoon prior to Easter.

My shopping list included:

  • Always Night time Pads.  With Wings.
  • Playtex Ultra Gentle Glide Non-deodorant Tampons

That was it.  Oh, and there was a $1.00 off computer coupon for the Tampons.

He didn’t even flinch.  I think that after all these years of being married to me, Fiddledaddy is pretty unflappable.  And since that was all I asked for, there was no way to disguise the items under anything in the shopping cart.  I secretly wondered if he would try to create a diversion and stuff them up under his shirt prior to heading to check-out.

But that in itself could cause a good stir.  In Wal*Mart. On a Saturday afternoon. Before Easter.

I offered a cardboard cut-out from the Playtex Tampon box, as a visual aid, but he graciously declined, since the coupon supplied a nice picture on the front.

Since he needed to first stop at the dollar store to pick up some last minute goodies for the requisite Easter baskets, he sent me a picture of some poor generic substitutes for feminine hygiene products via his iPhone.

Look, honey, these are only a dollar!

ARE YOU CRAZY, MAN?  Any woman will tell you that ONE area that you do not want to skimp is on feminine hygiene products.  AND DO NOT MAKE ME GO INTO GORY DETAIL.

He next headed to Wal*Mart to make the correct feminine product purchases.  He called me to ascertain whether he had hit on the right package, and I began to quiz him about the wing span, size, etc.

He chose not to answer my inquiry out loud, since the Feminine Hygiene Product aisle was doing rather brisk business.  Especially since its location is on the same aisle as the incontinence products.  And the snow birds are still here in Florida.

Anyhoo.  He let his iPhone do his bidding.

I e-mailed him back and instructed him to go with the package on the left.  It was not unlike shopping online.

He made the purchases.  Even remembering the coupon.

He’s a good good man.

He understands my love language.  I know this because later in the evening, I was sullenly sitting on the couch with Emme, who is enduring her own form of 10 year old angst.

Without a word, he reached into the pantry, procured a tub of chocolate frosting, and brought us 2 spoons.

And all was right with the world.

Now I don’t know how to tell him that we’re down to our last 5 squares of toilet paper.

I suspect he will happily return the shopping duties to me as soon as humanly possible.

16 Responses to The Shopping List

  • my hubby has done that for me as well. Before the iPhone he was just like the guy in the commercials, calling me from the aisle for specific details. Of course, he does that for any grocery shopping if the list isn’t detailed enough.

  • You do have a good man.

  • Haha! My hubby does the same thing with the texting of pics. Thanks to the best surgery I ever had, I no longer need to send him out for products 😉 Of course, we do have 3 daughters, so I’m sure at some point he’ll find those on the list.

  • Love your blog! I have a suggestion: cloth pads and a diva cup. May sound gross, but I’ve been using them for years and never have to buy pads or tampons — or send my poor confused husband. (There are SO many choices.) Also, cloth versus paper pads? WIN.

  • My husband would rather die. And at times I think he most certainly will at the mere thought.

  • Okay, that’s hysterical! Now, my husband would TOTALLY do that but I still found myself all the way glad to hear that yours will too.

    Also, *high five* in agreement that there shall be no scrimping in feminine hygiene products. evah.

  • I’m with Virginia. Mine might pass out at the very mention!

    I sent my hubby out for steaks and butter on Saturday. He came home with the steak, and also hummus, waffles, bulgur wheat (which I have told him to stop getting because I have about 50 tons of it from his last few jaunts to the store!), beer, wine, crackers and more beer. But he “lost the list halfway through the store”, so he didn’t get the butter.

    You’ve got a good man there, DeeDee!

  • My husband is also a willing shopper, except he now has strong feelings against buying “feminine products.” Once he made the mistake of telling one of the clerks in the personal needs aisle that he needed the specific item I had sent him for and couldn’t find it. She went off somewhere and after waiting a few minutes, he selected a substitute and headed for the checkout. As he got to the counter, the clerk who had reappeared, three aisles down and proceeded to shout, “I found it” and threw it across the three aisles to the checkout clerk. That day, he brought home a double supply, not wanting to make any further fuss about the substitute item that had already been scanned!

  • That’s such a great idea! My husband said he was boycotting shopping for my girlie stuff because it was too complicated!

  • Had to read this post out loud to the hubby 🙂 We both got a good laugh, him having “been there, done that” many times over the years. Once (not too long ago) he went to the store and brought back Always WITH WINGS and I HATE wings. I’d specifically told him, “Make sure it does NOT have wings” and I wrote on the list “Make sure it does NOT have wings” and he STILL came home with wings. Aaarrgh! I don’t think he’ll make that mistake again. LOL

  • You have a sweet guy there. Good for you!

  • Your husband is an angel. With wings. (Couldn’t resist.) Get well soon: there are Oreos and screw top wine to be bought.

  • Tub of chocolate frosting – oh yeah, he’s a good man.

  • Good job, Fiddledaddy! Great use of the iPhone, too. Extra points for remembering the coupon.

  • I think it might have been written into our vows that my husband would not EVER, no matter the dire need, purchase “THOSE” for me. I think he would call my mother or his first. I think it’s hilarious that he feels that way. 🙂 Obviously, the store clerk isn’t going to think they are for him! But, he does bring me chocolate and a Frappuccino when I’m having a bad day, so I’m keeping him. He’s alright! 🙂