I’ve had to relinquish a few of my beloved duties, since enduring my knee injury **air quotes**. One of which is the grocery shopping. I have to admit that I love grocery shopping. Not in the sense of WHAT A JOY, GROCERY SHOPPING. But more along the lines of PRAISE GOD, I’M ALL ALONE FOR NEARLY 2 HOURS AND WHAT HO! OREOS!
I go to great lengths to create my menu and subsequent grocery list, I have my coupons color coded and alphabetized, and I pencil in an early morning stop by McDonald’s for a large cup of their delicious coffee prior to parking in an early morning primo Wal*Mart grocery store spot. I then spend the next 2 hours unfettered by my children and even other shoppers as I peruse the aisles in search of the perfect shopping fare.
Which may or may not include screw top Port Wine. Do not judge me.
Fiddledaddy has been a particularly good sport about assuming the shopping duties these last months. But I’ve never been more proud of him than this last weekend.
There were a few emergency supplies that I was in dire need of to get me through the weekend. And this meant a trip to Wal*Mart. On the Saturday afternoon prior to Easter.
My shopping list included:
- Always Night time Pads. With Wings.
- Playtex Ultra Gentle Glide Non-deodorant Tampons
That was it. Oh, and there was a $1.00 off computer coupon for the Tampons.
He didn’t even flinch. I think that after all these years of being married to me, Fiddledaddy is pretty unflappable. And since that was all I asked for, there was no way to disguise the items under anything in the shopping cart. I secretly wondered if he would try to create a diversion and stuff them up under his shirt prior to heading to check-out.
But that in itself could cause a good stir. In Wal*Mart. On a Saturday afternoon. Before Easter.
I offered a cardboard cut-out from the Playtex Tampon box, as a visual aid, but he graciously declined, since the coupon supplied a nice picture on the front.
Since he needed to first stop at the dollar store to pick up some last minute goodies for the requisite Easter baskets, he sent me a picture of some poor generic substitutes for feminine hygiene products via his iPhone.
Look, honey, these are only a dollar!
ARE YOU CRAZY, MAN? Any woman will tell you that ONE area that you do not want to skimp is on feminine hygiene products. AND DO NOT MAKE ME GO INTO GORY DETAIL.
He next headed to Wal*Mart to make the correct feminine product purchases. He called me to ascertain whether he had hit on the right package, and I began to quiz him about the wing span, size, etc.
He chose not to answer my inquiry out loud, since the Feminine Hygiene Product aisle was doing rather brisk business. Especially since its location is on the same aisle as the incontinence products. And the snow birds are still here in Florida.
Anyhoo. He let his iPhone do his bidding.
I e-mailed him back and instructed him to go with the package on the left. It was not unlike shopping online.
He made the purchases. Even remembering the coupon.
He’s a good good man.
He understands my love language. I know this because later in the evening, I was sullenly sitting on the couch with Emme, who is enduring her own form of 10 year old angst.
Without a word, he reached into the pantry, procured a tub of chocolate frosting, and brought us 2 spoons.
And all was right with the world.
Now I don’t know how to tell him that we’re down to our last 5 squares of toilet paper.
I suspect he will happily return the shopping duties to me as soon as humanly possible.