The Spectacles

My 10 year old daughter Emme has a hard time keeping up with her possessions.  Mostly because she inherited the slob gene passed down from one of her parent’s who shall remain nameless.  But let’s just say that his name rhymes with Middledaddy.

When Emme discovered she needed glasses, she joyfully selected frames that carried a price tag of around $150.  Her parents, on the other hand, joyfully steered her away from those frames, and found instead a suitable pair that cost somewhere in the neighborhood of $38.  Handy carrying case included.

Because we knew that the likelihood that she would retain her glasses before the prescription changed was not good.  I am forever finding her glasses unattended, and void of their case.

To say that it’s an issue around here, is an understatement.

This morning, Fiddledaddy found Emme straining to read on the couch.  “Emme, where are your glasses?” She glanced at the empty case laying beside her, “Um, I dunno. (yelling) CAILEY, DID YOU TAKE MY GLASSES?”

Cailey, who has never shown any interest, nor has she ever touched the glasses, hollered back with indignance, “NOOOOO!”

Nice try Emme.  The deflecting of the blame.  That never gets old.

The hunt for the spectacles was on.  I heard her rummaging through all her worldly possessions in each room.  I knew from all of the sighs of dismay, the glasses were nowhere to be found.  After a good long exhaustive search, she resorted to whining. My personal favorite.

I’d had enough.  I had been quietly working on my computer for the last hour while I listened to all of this play out.  I went out to have a talk with Emme about keeping track of her things, and that money doesn’t grow on trees, and how I had to walk 20 miles in the snow to get to school.  UP HILL.  BOTH WAYS.

I began my spiel, and she looked at me wide eyed.  “THERE THEY ARE.  THERE ARE MY GLASSES, MOM.  YOU’RE WEARING MY GLASSES.  NO WONDER I COULDN’T FIND THEM!”

Blink, blink.

“Whaaat?” I took off the glasses that I’d been wearing all morning.  Sure enough, they were hers.  Then Fiddledaddy decided to get back in on the action.

“You were wearing her glasses, which are a prescription, and you didn’t know they weren’t your reading glasses?”

“Well,” I offered, “No wonder I couldn’t see what I was doing.”

This is when Fiddledaddy’s head exploded brain matter all over the wall.

You see, he has an issue with me and my glasses.  I have several pair that I leave in strategic positions all over the house.  And every pair is filthier than the last.  I’m like Pig Pen with glasses.  It doesn’t matter how careful I am, or how often I clean them, all I have to do is even think about touching a pair of glasses and they somehow  become useless with grime.

I can’t explain it.  Seriously, I can’t.

And heaven forbid if I dare to touch Fiddledaddy’s glasses.   THAT’S when the fireworks REALLY begin.

Emme took her glasses back in a huff, and headed in the general direction of the Windex.  I hollered after her, “MAYBE YOU SHOULD KEEP THEM IN THE CASE WHERE THEY BELONG.”

And I returned to my desk and put on another pair of glasses.  Which were just as disgustingly dirty.  I set about working on my computer, having no idea what I was typing since everything was just one big smudgy blur.

Which frankly, I think that may only enhance my blogging.  The rose colored glasses idiom?  Alive and working well.

March 30, 2010

11 Responses to The Spectacles

  • And I thought you were going to post about kids bickering or kids losing stuff!
    My 12 year old got glasses last year. She’s lost the case and apparently, the glasses, because I haven’t see them in months!!

  • You are a such a hoot! And to apply my own idiom…I’m not laughing AT you, I’m laughing WITH you!!!!

  • I guess that’s one blessing about being blind as a bat. Nobody will wear my glasses (for more than an instant) and I won’t mistake anybody’s for my own!

  • We have not had this situation in my house, b/c I’m the only one with eyesight issues….it’s an issue, I’m not blind. Anyway, you caught my attention with the grimy glasses. I have to tell you I found the strangest thing to be the best eyeglasss cleaner…hand sanitizer. Not the kind with aloe, but clear hand sanitizer. And since I happen to keep some around my house to encourage my kids to some level of cleanliness it makes it easy to clean them. No rinsing..just squirt, rub, and wipe clean. Good luck keeping track of them!

  • Hope you are doing well after your ortho work today. Hang in there–you’ll be on the mend shortly!!

  • Maybe you could get some kind of family discount plan on Lasik surgery 😉

  • Praying that your surgery went well, you got good drugs, and your family stepped up and catered to your every need!!

  • Thinking about you and hoping your surgery went well and you don’t have much pain. Good luck with PT today. God Bless.

  • Heal fast, Pioneer Woman needs your help for a family vacation to Disney World!! 🙂
    http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2010/03/on_a_five-city_tour/

    Warning – she starts with a picture from the “new” Gilligan’s Island (for a reason sort of).

  • I so feel your pain. My twins have glasses as well. It’s so much fun – not. I have no idea how my boys can even see their glasses are so nasty. But heaven forbid they ever rest in the case. (this coming from the person who doesn’t know where her’s is at.) 😉

  • Hee Hee Hee Hee, ha ha ha hahahahahahaha!

    You are one funny lady!

    I’m so glad you’re done with surgery and that it went well. And that you can have coffee now.