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Apparently I’m Lame

We had grand plans to taking Jensen to Disney World for his birthday on Monday.  But since my knee issues preclude me from walking great distances, those plans were put on hold.  When I was pregnant with Jensen, trips to WDW were made possible by the renting of a motorized scooter.  I had severe sciatica through that last pregnancy.  It should also be noted that I also packed 50 pounds on my squatty little frame.  But on Monday, we knew that even walking from the parking lot to the scooter roundup would be treachery.

Plan B was then put into action.  We took the kids to a local zoo.  All the motorized scooters were rented out.  This being Florida and all.  I opted for an old fashioned wheel chair.  Which I had learned how to maneuver efficiently from my dealings with sciatica years ago.

We met up with my SIL, Trish, and her three boys.  A grand time was had by all.  The highlight of the trip, however, was when Cailey decided that she should have a servant’s heart and push me.  Such a helpful child.  As we neared a steep incline, she accelerated and we went screaming down the hill.  She screamed in delight, I screamed in 50% terror, 50% wind in my hair joy.  I did have a moment of clarity when I realized that we could potentially veer off the ramp and fly end over wheels and body parts in the shrubbery.

All of the children then wanted to take turns pushing me down the hill but The Fun Police Fiddledaddy gave us all a stern lecture on danger. And broken hips.

The remainder of Monday I was ordered on bed rest by my husband. Which sounds good on paper, but since I have issues with SOMEBODY TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, it was a stressful day.

I do not make a very pleasant patient.

By Tuesday, my knee felt worlds better, so I got up and went about my fairly normal activities.  The house was a train wreck, laundry and dishes dotted every surface, and my floors were crunchy.  I did minimal work.  Honest.  But by Tuesday night, I could not walk AT ALL.

And so, here I am on Wednesday in the same predicament.  Going insane on bed rest.  With a good deal of I TOLD YOU SO’s coming from my prison guard.  Who offered to give me a sponge bath.  I’m thinking of calling his bluff.  That should teach him.

I got a diagnosis from the doctor’s office a while ago.  Apparently I am 90, and have Osteoarthritis.  Just shoot me.  I now await a call from the specialist’s office to set up an appointment.  My MIL has kindly offered me the use of her old walker.  I will take her up on that if she includes the horn.

I’m spending a good deal of time in bed, on my laptop, chattering away with my peeps on Twitter.  I’m surrounded by tax paper work, and school work to be graded, but I’m finding a good deal more comfort by blogging and tweeting.  And ice cream pie for lunch.

Behold, a picture of the infirmary.

Yes, that is an Oreo Ice Cream Pie. Recommended by 4 out of 5 doctors.

I suppose I do feel better knowing what I’m dealing with.  I just wish it was a more exciting disease.  Caused by doing something athletic, or useful, or whatever.

Because I’m just lame like that.

9 Responses to Apparently I’m Lame

  • I totally sympathize with your situation. In my mid-40s, I now have osteoporosis, high chlorestoral and wear orthodics. I asked my doctor what I have to look forward to when I’m 76?? Hope you feel better soon!

  • Don’t let him give you a sponge bath! That would be like getting a back rub, and we all know a husbands don’t do such things without getting distracted. I told my hubs once that I’ve never had a complete/real back rub, so he took it as a challenge and actually and gave me one. He gloated all the next day over his self-control!

  • I feel for you. I broke my foot a few years ago.. and all I did was step off a curb and land on my tushy. Didn’t even have an exciting story to tell about saving puppies from a burning building or anything. Booooring. I so feel your pain. Not being able to get around is haaaard!

  • I feel for you with the osteoarthritis… my dear Hubs who is only 30 just got diagnosed with it. That stinks that you had to skip WDW, but hey you get to eat oreo ice cream pie in bed… not such a bad tradeoff in my book.

  • I have great sympathy for you. I’m 45 and have a transcected ACL as well as Astioarthritis (SP). I don’t know how you feel about advice from total strangers but I use Aleve for the pain/inflamation. As well I use Glucosamine Chondroitin for joint support.

    I’m waiting on the knee brace (next week)
    and waiting fofr surgery apoint ment with the Dr. sometime this summer (Yeah Canadian Health Care).

    Hope you feel better soon.


  • Not a patient patient, eh?
    Sorry. Couldn’t resist.
    Rest and get well.

  • I sympathize, I do. I have HORRIBLE sciatica as well as joint issues and have been in terrible pain for over a month. My bed, unfortunately, is largely to blame, so bed rest does nothing but exacerbate the problem. I’ve had problems with this for two decades.

    What’s really sad? I’m all of 32 and am already hobbling around like a geriatric.

    Oh yeah. I feel your pain.

    (So shove some of that pie over my way, would ya?)

  • Hi there, I’m so sorry, you are in my prayers. Hope its manageable soon.

  • Imagine if you did not have your lap top, your infirmary would be your insane asylum!! Thanks for the photo, I’m off now to get me some pie!! Yum!!