Armed & Ready for THE TALK

This morning I had the following exchange with the 4 year old:

“Mommy, when I was a baby, did you eat me?”

“Um, no. Why.”

“Then what was I doin’ in your tummy?”

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A few weeks ago I wrote a post begging asking for your recommendations on resources that would help me formulate the right words when I have the inevitable  TALK with my daughters.  (And eventually the 4 year old.)  And you all gave me some WONDERFUL guidance.

I have been compiling the list of recommendations.  I know that there are more than a few of you who are in the same turbulent prepubescent boat that I’m in, so I wanted to post the list with accompanying links.

And then once we get through this, we can all sit down and cry together.  Passing the Oreos.  And perhaps a cocktail.

The Proposed List for The Talk(s)

•  American Girls “The Care and Keeping of You” – I bought this book last year, and have been using it with Emme.  It explains the changes that girls go through during puberty.  I’m hoping they come up with a sequel for the The Changes that I’m about to endure.  And we’ll call it “IS THE ROOM HOT OR AM I IN HELL?”

•  Passport2Purity by Family Life Today

•  Preparing for Adolescence by Dr. James C. Dobson (Focus on the Family)

•  “The Chicken’s Guide To Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex” by Kevin Leman

•  “5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter” by Vicki Courtney.

•  This is a terrific eye opening article that appeared in the Dallas Morning News last year.

•  The Wonderful Way Babies are Made by Larry Christenson

•  God’s Design for Sex: 4 book series

Thank you again y’all for this wonderful list.  And if you have any other recommendations, please leave them in the comments!

Next week let’s talk about MENOPAUSE!  Now THAT’S gonna be FUN!

January 19, 2010

7 Responses to Armed & Ready for THE TALK

  • DeeDee, Come read the story I wrote today about this very subject. I’ll be back for menopause week. I’m an expert.

  • First, it’s apparently the way 4yos think. My Mom tells the story that when I was about 4, and she was expecting my brother, I asked, “Mommy, what’s in your tummy?” When she replied, “A baby,” I looked at her in horror and shrieked, “MOMMIES DON’T EAT BABIES!”

    But I’ve been following your posts on the subject of “The Talk” with great interest. My DDs are 10 and 7, and they both still believe (thankfully; I hope they’ll continue to do so) that mommies and daddies need to be MARRIED to have a baby. However, 1) we got the first season of “The Big Bang Theory” for Christmas, and the 10yo has peeked in when we’re watching, laughed, and wants to see more — I need to find out what she “gets”; 2) there has been increased flirting going on with the 10yo; and 3) I recently asked an 8yo I know about the sweatshirt she was wearing, and she said she got it from her boyfriend!!! Yikes! I will definitely be checking out the sources you recommend. Let us know how it goes for you!

  • My friend Lauren used this book and highly recommends it:

    http://www.sparklingadventures.com/index.php?id=731

    I might. My time is coming as well.

  • Ha! My son had the very same question at the same age about how he got into my tummy. We did have a bit of a talk – pretty general but enough to satisfy his question – or so I thought.

    The day after our talk I told my mother about it. She said “I know. He just asked me how he got out . . . ”

    Sigh.

  • For the 4 year old you might try the book “How Did God Make Me” by Matt Jacobson. It does a great job of telling the truth without going into too much detail for a young child. I used it with good success when my children were around 4 years old.

    My daughter (who is a bit more curious than most) had a couple of extra questions which she asked the week after the first reading of the book.

    “How did I eat while I was in there?” I explained that the umbilical cord was a little like a special flexible straw that went directly from my belly to theirs.

    The other question that my daughter asked was a little more problematic. The conversation went a little like this:
    Jessica: How did I get out of there?!!
    Me: Cough! Sputter! Well (long pause praying for words), God made a special opening called vagina that opens up to let you out.
    Jessica: Oooh! Can I see it?!!
    Me: (Getting up off of the floor) No, because afterwards He closes it back up. I went on to explain that in some special cases the doctor has to do a surgery to open up a place to take the baby. (This was only because my SIL was about to have a C-section.)

    A few weeks later (seemingly unrelated) my daughter started campaigning that she wanted another brother or sister. After a visit with my SIL I learned about the true reason. Seems she told my SIL that her plan was to be around when I had another baby so she could witness first hand the special opening that God makes. Luckily this was dropped about a month later when we were able to convince her that no other siblings would be forthcoming.

  • Ok I first have to thankyou for the blog you wrote because I too desperately needed to get it over with and havae “the talk” I used a couple of the books that were recommended to you. 🙂 I had intended to only talk about our monthly visitor and the birds and the bees but after my daughter took the pillow off her head that she had used to cover her while I went through the talk she opened up and we wound up talking about a lot of stuff so it was great. However I had to tell you this part. When I explained about why we get our monthly visitor etc. and about ovaries etc. She responded and I quote “Mom, I am not planning on giving birth only adopting…so why don’t you call our doctor next week and schedule for me to just have my ovaries and uterus removed becasue I won’t need them anyway and I can just skip over the period stuff” ….to which I lifted my imaginary margarita to her and said “Amen Sista” LOL hands down I was NOT expecting that response haha. She was less then thrilled when I informed her that no doc in their right mind would perform a hysterectomy on a 10 year old girl without a good medical reason. lol
    good luck with your talk and of course let us know how it goes!

  • We (as in, mainly my DH) have been doing the book “Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle” with our 12-year-old son for the past year. It is wonderful! And really, it needs not be “The Talk” but rather a continual open discussion – he knows that if he answers a question, we will answer as honestly as we can (and as honestly is appropriate at his age) But this book has been wonderful at opening up discussions not just about sexuality and how God created us, but also about the other factors of puberty – the change in thinking, the insecurities, peer pressure, etc. Awesome!