Let me start by saying that I have never, in all the 42 seasons of American Idol, been able to watch the show before the final 12 were picked.
I attribute this to my inability to watch a show that exploits the Insane & Untalented. HEY NOW. You know what I’m talking about. There are a few contestants that YOU JUST KNOW are 45 cents short at the dollar store.
And frankly, I have always feared for the judges lives. Just a little bit. And I have to just HOPE that they have a metal detector ready and waiting before some of the people cross the threshold to audition.
Anyhoo. It hurts my heart to see these people’s dreams crushed in front of millions of people. And it hurts my ears to hear them sing.
But this year is going to be Simon’s last on American Idol. The show will never be the same without him. Love him or hate him, but he’s usually right on the money with regard to criticism. But I have one critique for Simon.
Simon, you make a bazillion dollars each season. BUY A SHIRT.
Okay. I thought I’d sum up my thoughts of the Chicago auditions. And keep in mind that I myself could not find the right note if it landed on my head. Which will give you some idea why I never fulfilled my dream of trying out for Miss America.
Because MY mother had the good sense to tell me, “Baby, you can’t sing.” (insert heavy southern drawl)
Day 1: Chicago auditions
Little Kaitlin Epperly (girl with the very big hair and freshly divorced family) was EXCELLENT! She’s adorable and very memorable.
And btw, I want to know the process by which the producers of A.I. choose who goes in front of the judges. And HOW do they magically travel to select contestant’s home towns to film snippets of their life story.
Maybe I should have asked Robbie Carrico from last season when I stalked spotted him at Publix a few months ago.
The girl with the interesting talent who fainted before singing Aretha frightened me. But I think if she had been serious, her voice was a’right.
The little blonde girl, Charity (who sang Summer Time) had a beautiful voice. I don’t know if it’s big enough for A.I., but she’s only 16. I thought she was mesmerizing.
Angela Martin, who has made it to Hollywood twice before, hit it out of the park. Third times the charm, baby.
Day 2: Chicago Auditions
First of all, I am a HUGE Shania Twain fan. But Shania had me worrying that she was drinking out of Paula’s old cup when John Park sang. She started gushing over his “bottom end” and lips. I know she was using special singing terms, but still. I WORRIED.
And John Park does have an amazing voice. Did not expect him to croon like that. Good bottom end. Memorable.
Okay. I love a good sob story. And the little girl with severe asthma, Paige, did such an awesome job. And I’m glad that the other 3 judges overruled Simon. I think she may prove him wrong.
My favorite line of the night belonged to Randy. In the midst of a really really bad ear drum assaulting audition, he said, “You shouldn’t be doin’ that.”
Right on, brother.
I look forward to Orlando auditions. We have lots of young folk who can sing here closer to my neck of the woods. And there gettin’ loads of practice at Disney World. SO WATCH OUT!
What did y’all think. Did anyone stand out? In a good way?
And for the record, I still cannot get “Pants on the Ground” out of my head.