Him: Where’s my shower cleaner?
Me: (knowing that he’s not talking about me) What are you talking about?
Him: My shower cleaner. I took the batteries out to dry it out. It wasn’t working.
Me: Where did you put it?
Him: On top of the van.
Me: Why would you put the shower cleaner on top of the van?
Him: So the sun would hit it. I put it on the back porch last night, but it rained.
Me: So you put it on top of the van?
Him: Did you go somewhere in the van today?
Me: Yes. I left with the kids this afternoon. You didn’t notice the silence?
Him: And you didn’t see my shower cleaner on top of the van?
Me: Um, no.
(At this point he walks out the front door. I assume to walk the street, in search of his elusive shower cleaner. Then he returns. Empty handed.)
Him: You should always check the top of the van when you go somewhere.
Later I notice “we need a shower cleaner” written on the grocery list posted on the fridge.
And he’d better not be talking about me.