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This Would Have Been My Definitive Last Post

Yesterday I went for my monthly trip to the gym to work out.  Trips to the gym use to be considerably more frequent.  But back spasms, life, and general laziness has gotten in the way of my work out regiment.

When I considered my workout, I waffled between pushing around weights or simply sitting the steam room.  But since the steam room would have involved certain sweating, I opted for pushing around weights.  Not that I don’t work up a sweat while lifting 2.5 pounds, but I have more control over the sweating issue.

And I don’t have to wriggle into a sausage casing, also known as a bathing suit.

As I was standing at the reception desk, ready to ask a question of no importance, I overheard the following conversation between two employees.

Employee #1:  “Someone just found a frog in the ladies steam room.  A tree frog.  A really big tree frog.”

Employee #2:  “Weird, I wonder how it got there.”

I didn’t hear the rest of the conversation, because I had already exited the building.  And was making a mad dash to cross the Florida border into another state.  Any other state.

Okay.  Just kidding about exiting the building.  As my children were still there in child care.  But I did get woozy and have to hang onto the counter.

Can you all just imagine what would have happened if I had been the gym patron that discovered the frog?  Especially considering my well documented relationship with amphibians.  I mean really.  I thoughts that one of my biggest fears was walking into that steam room, with zero visibility, and sitting on an old naked woman.  That is no longer my biggest fear.

I clearly would have vacillated between dropping dead right there on the moldy stream room floor, or screaming in such a manner as to cause the moomoo patrol planted around the jacuzzi to suffer a collective heart attack.

Photographic evidence would have been impossible since the gym staff frowns upon cameras in the ladies dressing room.  Cell phones have been banned in there for that very reason.

At any rate, the subsequent post that would have followed such an incident would have been my last.

Because there would be no way I could ever top that experience.

The end.


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