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Vertigo Makes the World Go Round

On Monday we packed up the van again, and headed for Epcot.  Thinking that if we left late in the afternoon, it wouldn’t be so hot.

We were erroneous.

Since it was a school day, we deemed the trip educational and decided we’d walk “around the world” of the world showcase, and visit each and every flippin’ country.

With one detour.

Emme and I trotted over to Test Track to net some Fast Passes.  Which were all gone by that time of the day.  So Emme talked me into riding Mission Space with her.  Which only had a 5 minute wait.  On the “orange” side.

Let me educate you about Mission Space.  This is a ride which opened 6 years ago or so.  It simulates what an astronaut might feel whilst blasting off into space.  This affect is achieved by the rider being strapped into a claustrophobically tiny space, with a screen placed directly in front of their face.  The screen shows what it would look like while being hurtled into the vast unknown.  And because of the extreme spinning that the rider endures, the centrifugal force gives the person a very realistic experience.

I rode this ride when it first opened.  Discovering quickly  that I am both claustrophobic and prone to motion sickness.

I vowed never ever to do that to myself again.

Other park goers evidently felt the same way, and actually died immediately after experiencing Mission Space.

So Disney created a gentler more user friendly form of the ride, know as the “green” team.  Which involves the notable absence of spinning.  I like the “green” team.  And have actually enjoyed it with my entire family.  But really, I think that the “green” team label should have been affixed to the vomit comet side of the ride.  Which is now known as the “orange team”.  But, whatever.

Evidently, time and childbirth must have caused more brain cells to die an early and unnatural death than I had suspected, because I agreed to ride the “orange team” side of the ride with Emme.

A tactical error on my part.  I silently made out my will while my life flashed before bloodshot eyes during the blastoff portion of the ride.  We had been warned beforehand not to look to the right or the left, and certainly NOT to close our eyes, but rather stay focused on the screen before us.  So as to not become disoriented.

This was an impossibility since my eyes had long since rolled to the back of my head.

When the ride mercifully came to an end, I quickly grabbed a complimentary barf bag, which were handily attached to the bar in front of me.  I exited the ride and headed straight for the nearest bench, with Emme hot on my heals, “Mommy, are you okay?  Mommy?  Mommy?  Mommy?”

When I felt like I would indeed live, I called Fiddledaddy and he told me that they were in Mexico.  Where it was decided that we would eat dinner.


I love eating in Mexico, and surprisingly the faux cheese products actually helped my condition.  But it was the bite of Churro that I wrestled away from the children that really put the spring back in my step.

I’m happy to tell you that we made it all the way around the world without incident, and left just as the fireworks were underway.  The ride home was fraught with the frettings of bored and tired children.

In a moment of brilliance, Fiddledaddy handed his iPhone to the children, since he had the foresight to download games that would appeal to the offspring.

As opposed to me, who only has Scrabble on my phone.  (Insert maniacal laughter.)  The children are not fond of Scrabble.  I got to hang on to my phone.

Jensen, who was sitting in the back in the dark, was mesmerized with the Water Slide game on his Dad’s iPhone.  It simulates your POV (fancy shortened lingo for point of view) as though you are sliding down the slide yourself.

As we pulled into our driveway, Jensen announced that his tummy hurt.  Which is not unusual.  As a hurting tummy will generally delay the going to bed routine.

We made it just past the threshold of our home, when Jensen began hurling.  There was no escape.

It is not a secret that whenever vomit enters the fray*, I’m the first one to exit the building.  But I was trapped.  And did I mention that Jensen consumed a good deal of groceries on the way home?

I held him on the cheap linoleum to minimize the carnage, and I thought I was doing a pretty good job keeping my act together.  Until Jensen looked down at his own vomit and said, “Oooohhh.  Gummies!”  And I don’t mean like, ooohhh gummies, gross, I mean he was leaning towards them ready to go for it.

That’s when the room started spinning.  Fiddledaddy quickly scooped Jensen up and headed toward the bath, leaving me with the clean up.

Another tactical error.

While I was attempting to rid the linoleum of the considerable mess, I began retching.  Prompting Cailey to poke her head around the corner asking, “Mommy, why do you keep saying THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS, over and over?”

Later, after going over the events of the day, we determined that Jensen has inherited my vertigo.  Cailey we already know leans toward car sickness, so Emme’s list of candidates to ride the “orange team” is dwindling by the minute.

I look forward with great anticipation to a visit to the Magic Kingdom to celebrate Cailey’s birthday next week.  And I know of at least 2 members of my entourage that will take a pass on the Teacup ride.

*The term “whenever vomit enters the fray” is a beloved term that I often use, and was originally coined by BooMama.


11 Responses to Vertigo Makes the World Go Round

  • I too have discovered that handing my iPhone
    to our youngest to stop his whining in the
    car is dangerous. He didn’t make it to the
    door but did have the forsight to hand me back
    my phone before he “lost” it ( in the car)!
    Never again will I hand my phone to a bored
    child while in the car. I do admit I have
    more that ( but including) scrabble on my

  • I can’t even ride the teacups at the Kingdom of Magic. OK…I’ll admit, I can’t even ride the carousel in Fantasyland. The last time we went to Epcot, my brave husband went the orange way with the kids because there wasn’t a chance in you know what that I was even going to give it whirl (no pun intended). My oldest daughter chickened out last minute and waited for her daddy and brothers at the “chicken out” post. My boys loved it so much they wanted to go again, but my husband said it was pure torture. He felt sick the rest of the day.

  • Oh Lordy. That is quite the day. I can barely handle amusement park rides of any kind. And the vomit thing. Ugh. I got spit up on yesterday and the warm goo going down my cleavage almost put me over the edge. That is probably TMI, but it just to say, I feel your pain.

  • I am grateful to live very far away from such spinny rides.

  • It is definitely Fiddledaddy’s turn on the orange side.

  • I used to be able to ride ANY and ALL rides at amusement parks. Not so anymore.

  • Why would your children be BORED after a full day at Disney World? That is just over the top.

    I KNOW! This is what I’m sayin’! 🙂


  • I was the main thrill seeking child in our family (along with my 7 years younger brother). The 2 others were weenies. But now, I’m only 25 and some rides have already become too much! I am personally thinking it has something to do with how active children are that they can handle such quick crazy movements.

    Oh, and vomit? Um, yeah. I can’t even handle it when our dog is sick, so God help my husband once we’ve had kids. Baby spit up I am fine with, but anything past that and I pass.

  • Would love to live near enough to just make a little jaunt over to Disney! *envy* Anyway… I think I would just stick with test track, even without a fast pass. That is our faaaaavorite ride there. We went last year over Thanksgiving and I’m already wanting to go again. (yeah right) A girl can dream, though, can’t she?!

  • That is quite possibly the best title ever.

  • I am still spinning days after a trip to Epcot, so glad it is not just me. Any tips on how to stop the world from moving?