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Pain in the Neck

Thank you for all of your well wishes concerning my back spasm.  And I was wrong.  Still, no one has ever died from a back spasm.  I was certain I would be the first.

After listening to me moan, groan, and generally make my misery well known, Fiddledaddy set up an appointment for me with our chiropractor.

His wife reads this blog when she has absolutely nothing better to do with her day, and she told him to be sure and ask me about my little ritual I execute when the weather turns cooler.  She may have surmised that said ritual could have had something to do with the aforementioned back spasm.

It is a well known fact that when the weather turns cooler here in Armpit, Florida, I do my annual underwear dance on the back porch.

Don’t worry.  The neighbors all pitched in the money to erect a 6 foot privacy fence around our property.

I assured him that no, the Annual Fall Ritual had not yet occurred, as it is clearly not Fall yet.  Fall is when the temperature dips below 60 degrees.  I don’t think our temperature has fallen below 112 yet.

And I’m bitter.

Anyhoo.  My chiropractor told me that my muscles (and I use that term loosely) were a mess.  And that the only way out of the mess to get everything back into alignment.  Which was followed by the sound of breaking bones and much weeping and misery.

Actually, he just cracked a bunch of stuff, but I made sure that I screamed loud enough to frighten the patients in the waiting room.

Just kidding.  Sort of.

He then recommended that I keep moving and stretching.  In the direction of the exit.

Kidding again.  Kind of.

Then he mentioned that magical word, MASSAGE.  So I quoted that magical work MASSAGE to Fiddledaddy two or two hundred times, and he called our gym to schedule a  30 minute targeted massage with Sven.

His name is not really Sven.  I’ve just always wanted to go to someone named Sven for a therapeutic massage.

Let it be known that I wasn’t so bad off that I couldn’t schedule my own massage.  It’s just that I play that whole martyr “don’t worry about me, I’ll be just fine” diva crap with gusto.  Fiddledaddy just doesn’t buy it.  Thankfully.

AND OH MY WORD.  Sven worked out a whole bunch of kinks and general ugliness in my back and neck.  And Fiddledaddy will forever be grateful to Sven because he caused me to STOP COMPLAINING SO MUCH!

I’m happy to announce that I can now look both ways before crossing the street.

To celebrate, we went to Disney World Hollywood Studios on Saturday.  Because no weekend is complete without at least one nervous breakdown.

We were suppose to go on Friday, but I was in the fetal position Friday morning, making out my last will and testament.

We had a wonderful time, and I even rode the Tower of Terror with my Emme.  I figured it would either help my spine align, or send me into traction.  Either way, Ibuprofen was in my future.

And I can always call Sven.

I’m feeling fit as a fiddle now.  And am anxiously awaiting a cool front.  While the neighbors are making a concerted effort to keep their blinds drawn and eyes averted.


13 Responses to Pain in the Neck

  • Wow! You go to Sven too? He must really get around:) Oh, okay! My massage therapist was named Bob…but Sven sounds so much cooler. (no offense to Bob)
    Just to rub it in…..here in west-central Ohio the weather is cool. In the morning 30’s or low40’s. I now require long pants and cozy jackets for my morning walk. Looking forward to your blogging about that funky Fall underwear dance thing you got goin’ on.
    You crack me up.

  • Glad to hear you’re no longer “kinky”.


    I would truly recommend finding a good stretching routine.

  • I am so glad you are standing erect, or were standing erect before Tower of Terror. When we rode that for this first time I screamed my head off, and then in the pictures, I discovered I had my hand on the knee of the foreign guy next to me the whole time. Oops. I wondered why he was following me to the exit asking me if we were gonna “ride again”.

    My kids still laugh about that, and I will NEVER ride that death trap again.
    But I love Hollywood Studios anyway.

  • hahaha 🙂

    and I’m so glad you’re feeling better/more aligned!

  • You might hint to Fiddledaddy that a gift certificate for a membership to Massage Envy is a fitting gift for…um, Halloween??

  • I asked for this Sven for Christmas. Not the phone, the guy. I wonder if he does massage?

  • So glad you are feeling better and I must agree, it’s freakin’ October and it’s still 108 here in SE Texas. Where is my cool weather. I’m more than ready!!!

  • My wonderful chiropractor who I saw yesterday has an in house massage therapist and get this, our insurance covers her! My co pay only $10 bucks. So you know I get one of those massage things as often as my chiropractor and insurance will allow.

    Sometimes I’ll even pretend to have a muscle spasm so I can get one. Okay, not really, but I have often thought about it.

  • I am laughing out loud at your post! We, also live in SW Florida….I completely agree about the 112 degrees! I AM SO OVER IT! Every day for a week, I have told hubby we need to move to Virginia! Oh, and by the way….I am not bitter, either!

  • We get massages at the my chiropracters office. Its wonderful and really about the only reason I go!

  • Hey, I’ve been in your boat this week too! I’ve seen the chiropractor three times already (twice yesterday alone), had a 50-minute massage with much PT aspects, and will be returning to the chiro today and tomorrow. I am a MESS.

    On the other hand, I can now look both ways and actually bend over to pick up a student’s paper.

    Good health to both of us!!!

    (I don’t have a Sven, but I do have a Cheri, and she’s AWESOME.)

  • Would love Sven, but found another solution to my chronic back pain through Dr. Richard E. Busch III’s latest book, “Surgery not Included: Freedom from chronic neck and back pain.” Was so happy to hear that there was an alternative to surgery- ran straight to my Dr. and showed him Dr. Busch’s techniques. Has made the world of difference.

  • Well, my hat’s off to all you people who are “not bitter” cause it was 150 here yesterday and I am BITTER LIKE A FREAKIN LEMON! OK so it was “only” 95. In October. STILL!!! Where is that cooling trend I keep hearing about?? UGH!

    Oh, er, um, I’m really happy you’re better.

    Can you send Sven south for the winter?? Jillian Michaels tried to kill me again and my hubby is really tired of hearing (loud, “look at me, aren’t I pitiful?”) old lady groans every time I ascend the stairs…