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Hot Tin Roof

Upon opening the electric bill this month, I fell to the linoleum in bitter tears.

Not really.  But I did do a little cursing.  In my head.  Which, yes, does count.

Fiddledaddy’s answer to our heat wave and subsequent rise in the states electricity revenue, was to turn the thermostat up from a cool 79 degrees to 86 AFRICA HOT.

Forgetting that he lives with a pre-menopausal woman.

Who may or may not be harboring repressed aggressive tendencies.

While dieting.

After a few days of enduring me, he began to look at other options.

“We could leave Florida behind in our steamed up rear view mirror,” I helpfully suggested.

“Good effort.”

We have a very large window in our family room.  A room which faces West, and gets no shade whatsoever from the nature preserve (heavy use of air quotes) that we paid extra for.  In the afternoon, the heat is stifling in that room.  Causing the air conditioner to pull double duty for the rest of the house.

We have curtains that boast of heat blocking capabilities, but they LIE.

Fiddledaddy decided to put a shaded film over the glass.

Kind of like the kind your car has in the back windows so that no one can see you swat at your children while they bicker with one another while you drive.

Or is that just me?

He elicited my help after the children were blissfully unconscious for the night.  He had already windexed the windows earlier, prompting Jensen to cock his head to one side, “Daddy, what are you doing to the windows?”

“Something you’ve probably never seen before, I’m CLEANING THEM.”

He’s hysterical, that’s what he is.

When we began the task at hand, Fiddledaddy said that he just needed me to hold the film while he sprayed it.

Which should have been my cue to run.  Run like mad.

I stood holding the large piece of film before me, while Fiddledaddy coated it with Window Film Application Spray.


And then I noticed a stinging sensation all over the areas which were exposed to the spray.  Which were many, since my wardrobe has been reduced to tank tops and boxer shorts, due to the balmy conditions in my home.

Spitting the poisonous substance out from my mouth, I suggested that we trade jobs.  But then realized that I was neither tall enough or had long enough arms to actually get the thing up on the window.

Besides.  That job was hard.  Which I surmised because of all the cursing that Fiddledaddy was doing in his head.

The film worked marginally.  So Fiddledaddy but plan C into action by purchasing a roll down shade to go over the outside of the window.

Again, he elicited my help in the hanging of the shade.  I braved the hell-like temperatures to ascend my trusty old 8 foot ladder so that we could mark the drill holes.

As a side note, it was nice to once again take a gander at the neighbor’s yards.  Since we installed the 6 foot privacy fence 10 years, I hadn’t been able to ogle the neighbor’s lawn care issues.

And this is where my neighbor’s are eternally grateful for the 6 foot privacy fence.  Yet still, Jensen manages to whip all the backyard neighboring dogs into a frenzy by howling at them, sight unseen, from our back porch.

The shade was properly installed, and I noticed cooler temperatures in the family room in the late afternoon.  Ever hopeful that Plan C has done the trick.


If this doesn’t manage to bring our bill down by next month, Plan D is mine.  I’ll introduce my industrial sized windows to some industrial sized aluminum foil and a little duct tape.

And pray that full-on menopause has the good sense to wait until Winter.

For the good of all man and womankind.  Amen.


11 Responses to Hot Tin Roof

  • Know what is worse then these 105 days we are having in central Texas? It is the weatherman crowing about how many DAYS IN A ROW we have had “three digit temperatures.” That man better watch his back when he exits the station. Or move to Arizona where all weather reports are the same. (Hot and hot.)

  • I have always gone straight to plan D with foil and duct tape.

    It works.

    It works well.

  • You can come live with me for a few months every summer. I barely think we have hit the 90s. And we have had a whole bunch of 60s. THis is a weird mild summer. Thankfully it is coordinating well with my pregnancy hot flashes.

  • two words

    attic fan.

    10 degrees difference in the house…well worth it.

  • I feel your pain! We are in South Texas–triple digit temps and NO RAIN. We actually took the extra windows OUT of our house plans since they faced west! It still gets horribly hot in our west side master bedroom in the afternoons. We have trees planted, but they are not big enough to actually shade the house yet. I am dreaming of fall!

  • Oh, and here I thought it was a mild summer all over the U.S. this year. My bad!

  • hahaha seriously this cracked me up. I just love Jensen by the way – he makes me laugh

  • Our home has a/c issues already, meaning that the front of the house feels like a furnace while the back of the house feels like a freezer. I was going to make curtains to block out the central TX sun in the front, but all the fabric I wanted was too expensive for long panels. So I made cute valances instead. They do nothing for the heat, but they look lovely!

    I feel your heat… er, pain.

  • It’s miserable over here in Phoenix, (around 115 most of this week) but I still prefer it to the horrid Florida weather. To have the heat and then have the nasty sticky humidity on top of that? That is wrong. So very very wrong. I think you should move. 🙂

  • I still think it would be easier to move.

    Tis true about the attic fan.

  • You are making me so excited about our upcoming trip to Orlando.

    We are gonna fry.
    My hubs insists on 74 at night, or he can not sleep. He is emphatic about this, despite the electric bill and the fact he sleeps under a blanket.

    Attic fans mean you have to open windows and that means dust for poor Jensen. Just lookin’ out for my favorite hound.