Several of you asked to hear from both Cailey and the Toothfairy as to what actually transpired last week with the forced tooth extraction. Fiddledaddy already shared his sordid version of the story here.
Since I’m here only to serve, I issued subpoenas and conducted extensive interviews with the witnesses in question.
The first witness I called was the Toothfairy. She was most uncooperative. Something about cramps, blah, blah, blah.
First of all, let me state for the record, THAT I WAS NO WHERE NEAR THE CHILD WHEN THE TOOTH WAS RIPPED FROM HER HEAD. Not my fault.
And secondly, yes I was delayed by a couple of days in picking up the tooth and delivering the dollar bill. BIG DEAL. We all have to live with disappointment.
You know what? If you people are so unhappy with my job performance, THEN FIRE ME ALREADY.
Put me out of my misery. Where’s my Motrin?
“Cailey, can you tell me, in your own words, what happened on the night in question?”
Well. I had just put on my Ariel pajamas. You know. Because I LOVE The Little Mermaid more than anything and when I grow up….
“Stick to the facts please.”
(Heavy sigh) Fine. I came into the family room before it was time for bed. Which is MUCH to early for my druthers. Daddy was sitting on the couch and he held out his arms to me for a hug. Trustingly, I sat down on his lap. Even though I’m 7 and am getting too big for that sort of thing. Sometimes I have to humor Daddy, you know.
Anyway. I rested my weary head on his shoulder, because Jensen had been especially mean to me all day, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, WITH NO WARNING WHATSOEVER, HE GRABBED ME! I couldn’t move. He trapped my legs, and then my arms, and when I SCREAMED, he stuck his hand in my mouth, grabbed hold of my sore tooth which was just MINDING ITS OWN BUSINESS and he twisted it and yanked it out of my mouth.
It felt like someone ran over my head or something.
And then I was all, WOW! I’M SURE GLAD THAT’S OVER. Now maybe I can eat something besides apple sauce for a change.
HEY, how ‘bout some ice cream?
Okay. if I were placed under oath, I’d have to admit I’m lying. When asked for her version of the events of last week, Cailey replied with a shrug, “Um, I dunno.”
Which is frankly for the best. It’s one less story that will come up in therapy in a few years.
Fortunately I keep a blog, so that nothing will ever be forgotten. No matter how trivial, disgusting, or embarrassing. It is preserved for all time.
And that’s the truth.