We celebrated Father’s Day early by picking up a take-out dinner at our favorite Mexican Restaurant Saturday night. A grave error on our part, since we can’t get Margaritas to go.
Since we had a lengthy ride home, I passed out some Salsa and Chips to keep the hungry animals quiet.
I was enjoying a tortilla chip, or 7, when I suddenly felt one lodge in my throat. I completely blame the car next to us, because when I happened to look out the passenger side of the van, I noticed a 175 year old driver, WEARING A NECK BRACE. Causing me to inhale sharply when I should have continued chewing.
Frankly, that was the last straw. I had learned earlier in the weekend that my father, who has recently been declared legally blind, IS STILL DRIVING.
And then I found out that another 82 year old relative, who shall remain nameless, just bought himself A BICYCLE. I threatened to get him some bike shorts for Father’s Day. (I have since learned that it isn’t the right size, and he plans on returning it. I join with the rest of the family, who love him dearly, in a collective sigh of relief.)
Where was I? Oh yes, choking on a chip.
My vat of iced tea had long since been drunk, and I rummaged around in the food bag to pilfer through the drink cups of my offspring. In my desperation, I forced myself to ignore the backwash.
It did no good. A chip was most assuredly still lodged in my throat. Sideways. Just above my windpipe I imagined.
After we arrived home, I tried eating more. To, you know, push everything southward. Nothing helped. Not even the two Churros that came with the children’s dinner.
After listening to me complain and gag for a good two hours, Fiddledaddy suggested that I google “food caught in throat” so that I could remedy the situation in a hurry and put and END TO ALL THE WHINING AND GENERAL MISERY.
What a mistake that was. I learned that there are people who have the affliction of feeling like something is stuck in their throat FOR MONTHS ON END. And no doctor has been able to offer any type of help. Or that it could be an indicator of THROAT CANCER.
Other milder articles suggested that I gargle with vinegar, or drink something warm. I settled on a nice cup of Good Earth Sweet and Spicy Red Tea. I burned the roof of my mouth, temporarily shifting my focus.
Still, the chip remained lodged just above my esophagus.
Exhausted, I finally went to bed to await death. My son had me up several times during the night, so I was able to dwell on my predicament. At least I was still breathing.
When dawn arrived I poured myself a largish cup of coffee. By the end of the second cup, I realized that I had been relieved of the offending chip corner that had plagued me throughout the night.
Next time we frequent our favorite Mexican Restaurant, I will be sure to insist that we dine inside. Because I am starting to think I may be a little high strung, and a frozen adult beverage would do me a world of good. And besides, the chips slide down so much easier with a Margarita.
And google can quote me on that.