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All Choked Up

We celebrated Father’s Day early by picking up a take-out dinner at our favorite Mexican Restaurant Saturday night.  A grave error on our part, since we can’t get Margaritas to go.

Since we had a lengthy ride home, I passed out some Salsa and Chips to keep the hungry animals quiet.

I was enjoying a tortilla chip, or 7, when I suddenly felt one lodge in my throat.  I completely blame the car next to us, because when I happened to look out the passenger side of the van, I noticed a 175 year old driver, WEARING A NECK BRACE.  Causing me to inhale sharply when I should have continued chewing.

Frankly, that was the last straw.  I had learned earlier in the weekend that my father, who has recently been declared legally blind, IS STILL DRIVING.

And then I found out that another 82 year old relative, who shall remain nameless, just bought himself A BICYCLE.  I threatened to get him some bike shorts for Father’s Day.  (I have since learned that it isn’t the right size, and he plans on returning it.  I join with the rest of the family, who love him dearly, in a collective sigh of relief.)

Where was I?  Oh yes, choking on a chip.

My vat of iced tea had long since been drunk, and I rummaged around in the food bag to pilfer through the drink cups of my offspring.  In my desperation, I forced myself to ignore the backwash.

It did no good.  A chip was most assuredly still lodged in my throat.  Sideways.  Just above my windpipe I imagined.

After we arrived home, I tried eating more.  To, you know, push everything southward.  Nothing helped.  Not even the two Churros that came with the children’s dinner.

After listening to me complain and gag for a good two hours, Fiddledaddy suggested that I google “food caught in throat” so that I could remedy the situation in a hurry and put and END TO ALL THE WHINING AND GENERAL MISERY.

What a mistake that was.  I learned that there are people who have the affliction of feeling like something is stuck in their throat FOR MONTHS ON END.  And no doctor has been able to offer any type of help.  Or that it could be an indicator of THROAT CANCER.

Other milder articles suggested that I gargle with vinegar, or drink something warm.  I settled on a nice cup of Good Earth Sweet and Spicy Red Tea.  I burned the roof of my mouth, temporarily shifting my focus.

Still, the chip remained lodged just above my esophagus.

Exhausted, I finally went to bed to await death.  My son had me up several times during the night, so I was able to dwell on my predicament.  At least I was still breathing.

When dawn arrived I poured myself a largish cup of coffee.  By the end of the second cup, I realized that I had been relieved of the offending chip corner that had plagued me throughout the night.

Next time we frequent our favorite Mexican Restaurant, I will be sure to insist that we dine inside.  Because I am starting to think I may be a little high strung, and a frozen adult beverage would do me a world of good.  And besides, the chips slide down so much easier with a Margarita.

And google can quote me on that.


12 Responses to All Choked Up

  • On the driving: I guess you had a choice–lunatic, road rage LA drivers OR antiquated, barely-breathing-and-definitely-shouldn’t-be-behind-the-wheel Florida drivers. Not much of a choice.

    On the chip: Glad it was dislodged. Your husband’s nice recommended you google your ailments; I’m no longer allowed to because according to WebMD I have had just about every disease in the book (at least according to MY research).

  • I meant “recommending”, not “recommended.” 🙂

  • Oh, I really hate that feeling! Being a lover of Tex-Mex, I’ve experienced it a time or 100. Growing up, my mom used to tell me that the chip wasn’t really there, but it scratched my throat and just “felt” like it was still there. Most likely, this story was concocted to attempt to settle my hysterical hypochondria.

  • Ha! And my grandmother’s cure for everything was “Just stir around a little bit and you’ll feel better.” She’d have made you walk the driveway a few times.

  • I am hearing how google has let so many people down lately. Darn google!

  • And now google WILL quote you on that! Think of the service you’re doing for the next million people who google “chip stuck in throat”.

  • Thank you for the link to that letter! I surely couldn’t have written that, but wow was she in my head?!

  • Oh, DeeDee, you always give me such a good chuckle!

  • Kathleen mentioned one time that you were kind of funny. How about funny with a hint of danger and drama!?! And PAIN! That chip in the throat sideways ailment is mighty painful. Glad it moved on down where your stomach juices certainly put it to death. I learned not to Google things a few years ago when I had a headache and got convinced it was brain cancer for about 3 months. Ick!

  • LOL
    tears rolling down my face!
    You are so funny and sound just like me!
    God bless

    I think I saw that samr driver here in Ohio. He sure gets around for being so old! LOL

  • I can’t stop laughing!
    Just found your blog and I’m hooked. Thanks for the pick me up today!

  • It IS so wrong that you can’t get a margarita to go. I always ask if I can order a beer while I wait in the Outback takeaway parking spot, and sadly, they always say no. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to drink it while I’m driving. I’m parked, for pete’s sake!

    Also, my poor husband’s nickname is “Pork Chop” due to an incident of choking that went on for hours and ended in the ER. So, you know, it could have been worse! And your nickname could be chip-throat, haha!