The Biopsy

That is perhaps the most clever title I’ve ever come up with.

I Twittered today that I was going in to have my womb biopsied.  I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it in a post, and a quick Twitter seemed safe.

(And thank you to all of you who DM’ed me to wish me well.)

I’ve been experiencing “girl problems” for the last little while.  And I’ll spare all 4 of my male readers (and this includes Fiddledaddy) the gory details for fear that your eyes will roll into the back of your head, just before you hit the floor.

Your welcome.

After some various testing and an ultrasound (and NO, I’m not pregnant), my doctor wanted to rule a few things out by proceeding with an in-office uteral lining biopsy.

And because my doctor has met me, she gave me a prescription for Codeine, to be taken 30 minutes before the procedure.

Which meant that I would need an escort.

Praise God for Aunt Trish, we dumped the kids off at her place prior to the appointment, and Fiddledaddy accompanied me to the office.

So, it was kind of like a date.

But without the romance.

And candlelight.

I did, however, score a Turkey Club from the drive-thru at Steak-n-Shake.

I chose to wear all black to the procedure, even though it was a balmy 145 degrees here in Florida.  Because I’m Johnny Cash.  And I walk the line.

There was an important decision to be made.  Should I take the medication on the way, or when I get there?  I didn’t want to take it too soon, for fear everyone would be forced to step over me in the waiting room.

And taking it too late would just mean that everyone would be subjected to my whining and crying.

I opted to take it when I arrived, and hoped that the doctor was running exactly 30 minutes behind.

I asked to use the facilities.  It was then that I was told I would have to leave a specimen while in there.

WHAT?  I haven’t had to pee in a cup since I gave birth to Jensen.  In fact, when I was pregnant, the medical professionals always sent me home with a specimen cup so that I could fill ‘er up in the sanctity of my own bathroom.  I simply can’t perform under pressure.

However, my bladder was nervous too, and I achieved success.

I carefully set the cup on the tray provided in the restroom, after I lined it with a paper towel. And then washed my hands three or 15 times.

And I left.  Hoping above all hopes that no one would enter after me and pour a little diet coke into the cup just to mess with me.  (This was a fear only because I’ve thought about doing it.  But I never ever did.  Promise.)

I sat back down in the waiting room praying for the magical pill to take affect.  And to pass the time, I read the latest copy of Entertainment Weekly, while scribbling my Last Will and Testament in the margin.

Fiddledaddy sat calmly beside me, watching out of the corner of his eye to see if I was going to go postal.

Medical procedures?  I am not brave at these.

We were called after 15 minutes.  Slowly, oh so slowly, I shuffled in.  I was then asked to step on the scales.  It seems I had lost a couple of pound from All The Worrying.  And I didn’t even have to completely disrobe in the hall to net the lowest weight possible, like I usually do.

Good news for the staff at the doctor’s office!

The procedure itself was no picnic.  But I have a wonderful doctor who I trust like no other.  She would totally understand if I should say, kick her, in reaction to the pain.

Fiddledaddy held my hand.  I think the circulation is just now coming back to his fingers, all these hours later.

After everything was over, I asked my doctor if I could go to the gym tomorrow.  (Secretly wishing she would say no.)  Alas, she said I could.  Then Fiddledaddy quipped, “Will she be able to cook dinner tonight?”

He’s a riot.

The codeine did finally take affect in earnest when we arrived home.  Whereupon I took to my deathbed.

We’ll get the results in about 7 to 10 days.  But they only gave me a few little magical pills.  The nerve.  Not nearly enough to last till the results come back.  Or enough even to share with Fiddledaddy who has to put up with me until then.

In all honesty, I’m really fine.  (But you’ve got to know I’m going to milk this for all it’s worth.  And I’ve been really hurting for good blog fodder.)

I’m not a bit worried about anything.  I rest comfortably knowing that God has His hand on me.

While my hand is on the phone dialing “take away service” at Carrabbas.

deedeesig

April 17, 2009

24 Responses to The Biopsy

  • Ow! I had one done 20 years ago… and didn’t get to take anything prior nor anything after. My (now ex-)husband did accompany me… but did not hold my hand and did not understand my pain or discomfort… which is one reason he is my ex-husband. Hope everything turns out ok!

    Suzanne @
    http://sugarloafcottage.blogspot.com

  • I have had to endure 3 uterine biop. in my adult life. All I can say is I feel for you! I hope that you get good results and that nothing major is wrong. Take care and God bless
    Joy

  • Hope everything is o.k.. I was scheduled for a biopsy on Monday (suspicious mammogram). Worried and lost 4 pounds in a week.Got there-They took more pictures from a different angle which spread out the tissue. Then they discovered there was nothing to biopsy. I was off the table at lightning speed and raced out of the building. Had wonderful friends praying for me-Will do the same for you.

  • Thank you for sharing your story. I will be praying for you to keep that peace that God is so good to dole out when we need it.
    I had a mammogram scare a month ago, and I had myself all worked out. Bless the Lord it turned out okay, but I worried myself sick over it. (You know, because I am such a spiritual giant and all.)
    I love the dinner comment by your hubs. My hubby uses humor to get me through stuff, too.

    It is my favorite thing about him. He keeps me laughing. And there is plenty of fodder these days, trust me!

    Good luck hoarding your last pills, only use them in emergency. You never know when Jensen will want to streak through somewhere!

  • Praying everything comes back fine! However I did find the entire process funny! I feel the same way about the dentist, I would rather go hang out in a catus patch than go to the dentist!

  • I hope everything is perfectly fine, and it turns out to be a “just in case” thing.

    But I must say, I am grumpy at you for getting Steak n Shake. It is the only thing I have craved over the last 4 years, since moving west!

  • I have had that procedure and I am feeling your pain. My favorite thought in times of waiting is, “We will behave as people who have continually seen the faithfulness of God in the past..and intend to see that faithfulness in the future.” Be at peace, Ms. Fiddle!

  • I am praying for you. And your family (:

  • Ouch. I had to have one of those just last year. Definitely no picnic, especially when you go in having no idea your visit will end with such a delightful ordeal! Fun stuff.

    Glad to know you are leaving it in His Hands. I will be praying for you.

    Thank you for sharing. 🙂

  • Thanks for sharing about this, DeeDee. I’m glad you wrote this post, and I will be praying for you!

  • Have prayed for you D! Am sure everything will be fine. I would have claimed the codeine kicked in and have heard the doc say no gym, no housework and no cooking!!!

  • I answered a question you had on THL about LCA…which then led me to your blog. I’m sorry you had to have the biopsy, but you are such a hoot! I laughed out loud reading about your experience. You are so funny:) I’ve already bookmarked your blog….so girlie you got yourself another reader!

  • So sorry for what you had to go through today – I’ve had girlie “issues,” too, and have learned that these tests are sometime worse than the “issues.”

    Praying for your nerves as you wait and that the news will be good.

    Blessings!

  • Girl problems suck.

    Whispering a prayer for you tonight…

  • What a pain – literally, right? Praying all is well. God is good!

  • I also am the biggest baby about medical procedures. You are brave to share it here.

    Praying all is well.

  • Praying that you feel better soon! May the Carraba’s heal you;) LOL

  • Continuing to pray for you. I may or may not have Twittered that to you yesterday. I hit “submit” a few times, but Twitter and I are not on a first name basis yet–Anyhoo–either you got ten responses from me…or none. Either way–still praying.

    How dare they be so stingy with the pain medicine. I’ve heard a rumor port heals pain. Just a rumor…

    Julie

  • Praying. Hoping all is well.

    And, I will happily send you a few more of those magic pills leftover from my surgery a couple weeks back, even though it will mean breaking one or twenty interstate drug laws.

    That is the length and breadth of my devotion.

  • DeeDee,
    I was reading a blog today (I never read blogs…who has the time?) and it was the most dreadfully boring blog I had ever seen. The kind where you keep reading because you’re thinking, it can’t really be this bad all the time, but it was. Then I was reminded of the BEST blog I have ever read, which, of course, would be yours. So, since the kids are playing outside and I actually have a minute, I came here to catch up on the wonderfully hilarious life of DeeDee. I am sorry to hear you had to go through such a traumatic medical procedure. I have to take Xanax just to get my teeth cleaned (really) so I can understand your worry. But I know that the Lord has you in his hands, just as he did that first time I met you at MOPS. Only you would go to a Mothers of Preschoolers meeting when you didn’t even have a child! 🙂 I will be praying for your peace of mind while you wait for the results. Miss you much!!

  • What continues to astonish me is that you could take this experience and make us laugh. Gal, whoa, you are seriously amazing!

    I hope you are doing better and that it all turns out okay, that it ends up being ‘better safe than sorry’. Oh, and your hubby’s comment … mine would have said that too! Good for you for dialing C’s that, sadly we don’t have – we don’t have SnS either. I am going to have to move soon! 😉

    Cheers, and lots and lots and lots of hugs!

    Kiy

  • That a girl! 😉

    Know what goes great with milk? Oreo!

  • AGAIN wishing you would post pictures. I would pay to see you as Johnny Cash.

    I hope your commenter Karen McPherson wasn’t referring to my blog. It’s possible.

    Praying for you, girl. For your health AND your peace of mind. xox