Windshield Viper, Part Deux

When we last left our intrepid snake seeker (see previous post), Fiddledaddy, he was peering under the hood of the van.  Searching for the elusive snake.  Which at this point, had only been visible to me.

Finally, he could take no more of my hand wringing and heavy sighing, so he ordered me in the house to google “snakes” to determine what sort of snake had taken up residence in our engine.

A task.  Good thinking.

I planted myself before my computer screen and commenced with the googling.  There before me were LOTS OF GRAPHIC PICTURES OF SNAKES.  ALL MANNER OF SNAKES WERE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF MY BLOODSHOT EYES.

I felt a little woozy.

I searched on brightly colored orange and brown snakes.  Most of the varieties began with the letter “C”.  Oh, why do they have to add all those long winded hoopty ploopty names after, just give me A SIMPLE SPECIES.

I took a mental picture and ran to the door.  “IT’S A COBRA!” I announced loudly, so I could be heard from the safety of the storm door.

Fiddledaddy appeared quickly from behind the hood.  “A COBRA?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  A COBRA? AS IN COMES-OUT-OF-A-BASKET-COBRA WITH A BIG FLARED HEAD???”

“Um.  Maybe that wasn’t it.  I’ll be back.”  And with that I retreated to my computer screen for more searching.  Bingo.  I ran back to the door.

“IT’S A CORAL SNAKE!  MAYBE.  I’M NOT SURE.  I’LL BE BACK.”

At this point, I didn’t care what kind of snake it was.  I just wanted to sell the van.  Cheap.

And I have a sister-in-law who would back me up completely.

I’m certain that I’ve told the story about how soon after my brother-in-law got married, he came home from a business trip to find that his key no longer fit in the door.  It seems that his bride had discovered a snake in their apartment earlier, and had moved them entirely into a new apartment.

I would have done exactly the same thing.  Only with my luck, I would have packed the snake up in my toiletries, and moved it with us.

Then I happened upon a snake picture that seemed vaguely familiar.  A corn snake, common to Florida.  Not lethal.

Sure pal.  Unless you’re flying down the freeway and it should drop on you from the sun visor.

The description went on to say that the corn snake enjoys dining on frogs.  DINES ON FROGS???  I HAVE A REASON TO LIVE!

At last I went back to the door.  “NOT TO WORRY, I THINK IT’S JUST A CORN SNAKE.  COMPLETELY HARMLESS.”

So with that, Fiddledaddy parked the van across the front lawn, directly over the grass, as he was instructed to do by the snake keeper at the local pet store.  Note that this act is a clear violation of the by-laws of our homeowner’s association.  And the rebellious part of me wanted to quick put some cinder blocks underneath the tires. For added drama.

And then with my peashooter poised at my lips, wait for the “committee” to pay a visit.

Don’t you wish we were your neighbors?

The snake still remains elusive.  And I believe that Fiddledaddy is beginning to think that hallucinations may be part of my hormonal flux of late.

Whatever.

I feel certain I will be vindicated during the rainy season.  When there is a marked decrease in the amphibian population that seeks to destroy me.

My joy knows no bounds.

deedeesig

March 31, 2009

11 Responses to Windshield Viper, Part Deux

  • I just wanted to say thank you for whatever you did to make your blog now appear in full in my feed reader! 🙂

    At least you don’t have to sell the van!

  • I still say sell the van! The only kind of good snake is a DEAD snake, even if it does eat frogs.

  • Okay, the switching apartments thing is… well… amazing. [smile]

    ~Luke

  • What a great story. I’m cracking up over here.

  • A while ago I came home to discover a rather large snake slithering across my back porch. I oh-so-calmly said to my 4-year-old, “Hey, why don’t we go look up on the internet what kind of snake that is” as I steered him towards the study… and proceeded to lock the back door. You know, just in case this was one of those rare snakes that can open doors. ANyway – for whatever it’s worth, enature.com is the best website out there for identifying all kinds of creepy crawlies.

    And I think the cinder blocks are an excellent idea!

  • I once ran over a snake on our street with our van… then drove around the block so I could run over it again to make sure it really was dead. On my third pass (What? You’re thinking that’s overkill? No way!) I was horrified to discover that it wasn’t there on the street anymore. Afterward, I parked the van in the driveway and refused to drive it for days just in case the snake had somehow gotten flung up under the van and hitched a ride home with me.

    Nice to know I’m not the only one with a deep seated fear of all things that slither.

  • I know exactly how you feel! I lived in a basement and a snake graced my floor one night. I was this close to grabbing my favorite shoes and books and starting a new life somewhere else. Preferrable somewhere really tall and far away from land.

    But the thought of picking my favorite book or pair of shoes overwhelmed me. So I did what was completely rational at the time- covered it with a pasta pot and wished for it to die.

  • During my student teaching, many years ago, I was in charge of our classroom pets…..a snake (non-venomous) and those large hissing cockroaches that were like 3 inches long. I would even walk around the halls between classes with the snake wrapped around my arm, holding it’s head between my thumb and forefinger and have the cockroaches stuck to my sweater like a nice antique butterfly pin. What can I say, I was young, in college, thought I could rule the world, so walking the hallways scaring older faculty and impressing the freshman class seemed cool. 🙂

    Well, I’ve matured a little in the last 20 years…….and no longer wish to be a cockroach handler…..although did have my picture taken (for my kids, because they wouldn’t hold it) with a snake around my neck at the rain forest adventure place while vacationing in the moutains last year.

    Great writing….enjoy the posts….you keep me laughing.

  • You know I complain ALOT about living in Las Vegas but I have to admit it’s really nice not having snakes, fleas, mosquitos, or really any large amounts of bugs because IT”S TOO STINKING HOT FOR THEM TO LIVE.

  • Oh, thank-you! I needed that! I think I can make it through my day now…. 🙂
    Brenda (sister of Diana)
    Bowlegs, Oklahoma

  • Glad to hear it was only a corn snake, that was my guess. Not that it really makes things any better, but at least it couldn’t kill you.

    What a funny story about your sil. I would have done exactly the same thing, I’m quite sure.

    Years ago when I was a labor and delivery nurse, one of our midwives spent the night in an on call room because she had a patient in labor. The on call rooms were located in a cute little apartment type lounge in the basement that had been newly created for the docs and midwives. She had just gotten in the bed to watch TV when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. She looked at the wall and saw a snake going up it!!

    I had a similar experience in the same hospital. I’d worked a bunch of ridiculous hours and was too tired to drive home so I went to sleep in an on call room (not one in the basement) for a few hours before going home. When I laid my head on the pillow I had the most eerie feeling I’ve ever felt, but I prayed and went to sleep because I was just too tired to deal with fear. The next morning after I left a nurse was walking down the hall by that room and a Copperhead was in the hallway!!

    Doesn’t that just make you want to rush out and give birth in that unit?