A Raisin in the Sun

I discuss trips to the gym fairly frequently now.  Now that I’m actually, you know, using my membership.  But what I haven’t mentioned is my fear of the locker room.

And my fears are valid.

It’s a lovely locker room.  We have lockers (hence the name), a wet and dry sauna, showers with working curtains, an attached private dressing area, and a jacuzzi.

And by the way, I refuse to participate in the pleasures of the jacuzzi because of a news story at another local gym in which their jacuzzi was emptied only to find a Baby Ruth sitting on the drain.

Only it wasn’t a Baby Ruth.

I’m just sayin’.

If I’ve mentioned it once, I’ve mentioned it 50 times that our quant little town is heavily populated by the retired.  And the gym membership roster boasts of many many elderly and infirm.

And apparently, when you are old, and frequent a gym, clothing is optional in the locker room.

I don’t understand.  These ladies were from the generations prior to my free spirit 60’s generation.  These gals were born anywhere from 1920 to 1950.  More modest generations, to be sure.

Right?

Wrong.

I take great precautions to preserve my sense of modesty in the locker room.  I have it all down to a science.  I carry what I need into the private dressing area, and even wear a towel around me OVER my bathing suit.  And the gym allows TWO towels, so often I will take advantage of the two towel allowance, just in case I’m looking more like a sausage in my one piece bathing suit than usual.

In other words, I leave A LOT to the imagination.

The other day, I was padding through to my locker before a workout.  I happened to glance to my right and…

OH FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT, MY EYES, MY EYES.

And it occurred to me, there I go in 30 years.  I vowed to work out extra hard that day.

These are very very old women, my friends.  Women who should never be naked.  Under any circumstances.  I’m not being judgmental.  I’m not.  But if God had intended for us to be naked like that in public when we’re 80, he wouldn’t have blessed others with sight.

As it is now, my retinas are permanently seared.  I may never get that visual out of my head.

When I enter the sauna (one of my favorite places to be), sometimes the steam is so thick that I can’t see my hand in front of my face.  My greatest fear now is that I will enter the sauna, wearing my suit, 2 towels, and flip flops, and inadvertently sit on an old naked woman.

Who of course will still be wearing her jewelry.

I guess you just get to a certain point in life where your inhibitions are a thing of the past.  Where you throw caution to the wind.  Where you just let it all hang out.

May I never get to that point.

deedeesig

March 16, 2009

17 Responses to A Raisin in the Sun

  • Yikes!! One more reason why not to have a gym membership.

    I see these gals running around with tattoos and silicone. Should be interesting when they are old women. Suddenly the tatt “juicy” will have a whole new meaning. Eww!

  • Hehe…that is so funny! This has happened to me every time I have gone to my favorite hot springs spa. I’m a two towel gal too!

  • Personally, I hope that when I am 80 I feel comfortable enough to just do whatever I want (though I can’t see ever wanting to be naked in front of strangers). Why not? By then I’ve definitely earned it, and I’ll be too old for people to tell me that I’m crazy to my face without looking like they’re being mean to a nice elderly lady.

    Oh yes, I plan on taking advantage of my old age someday if I am blessed enough to have it.

  • Only their caution is flapping in the wind.

  • I guess that’s why they say the first thing to go is your eye sight. It’s from glancing at the elder in the gym locker room. It scars you for life and you don’t feel the effect until much later.

  • This is HILARIOUS!!! We have several elderly members at our gym too, but thank heaven, we don’t have much for ammenities and most people come to the gym dressed for their workout.

    I feel your pain, though.

  • This is why I don’t have a gym membership…OK, that is just one of the million reasons I don’t but whatever.

    I CRACKED up about this post.

  • Heck I barely change in front of my husband, let alone in a “locker” room. I have not seen what you have seen, but I have been to the beaches here in FL and for the Love of God, THONGS ARE NOT IN if you are over the age of lets say…20!!

  • hahahaha I have seen my fair share of old naked folks in the locker room – why do they do that?!

  • HA!

    There are just some things you can’t unsee 🙂

  • i don’t think this phenom is necessarily age related. i shared community baths in college (many, many, many years/ brain cells ago) and it was the same way there. some folks would prance around like it was a victoria secret’s model show back stage area—even if there’s no way they qualify for a vs show even in their WILDEST dreams. don’t know about you but no matter the age or state of elasticity, there’s some thing i just don’t need to see.

  • Hilarious…but I will invariably one of those uninhibited gals. I just don’t care anymore. At the very least, I try to be courteous and drape a towel, or at minimum turn my back…but maybe that’s worse. 🙂

    After having four kids, I have gained more appreciation for the human body. I guess I’m cut out for midwifery, after all. Can’t get squeamish looking at bare, very pregnant women, can I? 🙂

    On a side note, I’m extremely modest when there is the slimmest chance of a male besides my hubby seeing me.

  • Sitting on someone in the steam brought to mind a Friends episode involving Chandler and Monica’s father….might have to go watch it….too funny!

    I can always count on you to bring a little laughter to my day!

    Thanks!

  • Oh, Dee Dee! It is the VERY. SAME. at our community center! During swimming lessons for the kids (*I* certainly wasn’t exercising), I’d have to take them into the shower room to change, and MY. LANTA. There was a LOT of old lady nakedness parading around. No shame! None at all! MY BURNING EYES is right!

  • I saw that when I was ten, in the dressing room of our community pool.

    That scarred me. I’ve never even considered joining a gym with a changing room attached. Too dangerous.

  • Oh, my word. Hilarious. 🙂

  • I get self-conscious just walking around without a bra on. I even have nightmares that I’m walking around completely topless. Good grief.