I discuss trips to the gym fairly frequently now. Now that I’m actually, you know, using my membership. But what I haven’t mentioned is my fear of the locker room.
And my fears are valid.
It’s a lovely locker room. We have lockers (hence the name), a wet and dry sauna, showers with working curtains, an attached private dressing area, and a jacuzzi.
And by the way, I refuse to participate in the pleasures of the jacuzzi because of a news story at another local gym in which their jacuzzi was emptied only to find a Baby Ruth sitting on the drain.
Only it wasn’t a Baby Ruth.
I’m just sayin’.
If I’ve mentioned it once, I’ve mentioned it 50 times that our quant little town is heavily populated by the retired. And the gym membership roster boasts of many many elderly and infirm.
And apparently, when you are old, and frequent a gym, clothing is optional in the locker room.
I don’t understand. These ladies were from the generations prior to my free spirit 60’s generation. These gals were born anywhere from 1920 to 1950. More modest generations, to be sure.
I take great precautions to preserve my sense of modesty in the locker room. I have it all down to a science. I carry what I need into the private dressing area, and even wear a towel around me OVER my bathing suit. And the gym allows TWO towels, so often I will take advantage of the two towel allowance, just in case I’m looking more like a sausage in my one piece bathing suit than usual.
In other words, I leave A LOT to the imagination.
The other day, I was padding through to my locker before a workout. I happened to glance to my right and…
OH FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT, MY EYES, MY EYES.
And it occurred to me, there I go in 30 years. I vowed to work out extra hard that day.
These are very very old women, my friends. Women who should never be naked. Under any circumstances. I’m not being judgmental. I’m not. But if God had intended for us to be naked like that in public when we’re 80, he wouldn’t have blessed others with sight.
As it is now, my retinas are permanently seared. I may never get that visual out of my head.
When I enter the sauna (one of my favorite places to be), sometimes the steam is so thick that I can’t see my hand in front of my face. My greatest fear now is that I will enter the sauna, wearing my suit, 2 towels, and flip flops, and inadvertently sit on an old naked woman.
Who of course will still be wearing her jewelry.
I guess you just get to a certain point in life where your inhibitions are a thing of the past. Where you throw caution to the wind. Where you just let it all hang out.
May I never get to that point.