I am very fortunate in that when I go to our gym, I am able to leave my children in the very capable hands of the childcare workers there. The play area is a dream. It’s large, there are a vast amount of activities, a craft area, and a Wii is mounted to the wall.
Best of all, the area is monitored so that I can view my children on a television screen in the workout area.
And I don’t have to hear them.
Since we homeschool, the childcare area has a minimal amount of children when we go. So the childcare workers are well acquainted with my kids.
They know all his tricks. We had to ban him from going to the bathroom while he is in childcare. As you know, Jensen is awfully enamored with All Things Toilet related. He had those poor childcare workers run ragged having to fish him out of the bathroom. And then there’s the very real fear that he will flush his own head.
One particular worker who is especially fond of Jensen told me that she is writing a book about him entitled, “Bathroom Conversations with Jensen.”
Jensen does his best thinking in the bathroom.
I make sure he has gone before we arrive at the gym. And I give him very strict orders to stay out of the bathroom. And the girls are on to him now, and they will not under any circumstances fall for his schemes.
The other day, as I was sweating profusely while attempting to lift 2.5 pound dumbbells for exactly one set, I saw Jensen’s bathroom buddy approaching me.
This can’t be good.
I pull my iPod ear buds from my ear canals. The smooth sounds of Barry White were still ringing therein.
Alarmed, I asked “What’s Wrong? What has he done?”
My first thought was that he had decapitated himself via the giant fan that was in use to diffuse the smell of fresh varnish in another room.
She started giggling. And could barely speak. “Jensen has a request. He said he REALLY needs to go to the bathroom.”
And they wanted to clear it with me first.
She went on to tell me that he stood in front of the ceiling camera, looked up, and repeatedly yelled, “MOMMY! I NEED TO GO POO-POO!!!!” Much to the joy of all the workers and parents trapped in the room with him.
No one could convince him that I could not hear him from the sanctity of the weight room.
He continued yelling his request.
“Oh good gravy, of course let him go.”
She giggled again, saying “Your kid cracks me up.”
I quickly checked the monitor, fully expecting him to be standing there naked. On camera.
But he had already been whisked off to the bathroom.
Then tonight before dinner, Jensen comes running up to me, “MOM, SMELL MY FINGER!”
I’ve already fallen for that one. I sent him to wash his hands at once. Under my watchful eye.
Boys are different. I have all the empty Loreal Hair Color boxes and Extra-Strength Excedrin bottles to prove it.
And I fear that I ain’t seen nothin’ yet.