House of Horrors

There are days when the neighbors must think that we’re making a horror film.  What with all the screaming that emanates from two high strung girls.  Plus one small boy whose voice will not change for another 8 years or so.

And then if you add in an overwrought, sleep deprived, hormonal mother unit, and a house that sits not 10 feet from neighbors on either side, well, let’s just say that the neighbors may not be far from wrong.

This morning, I found myself alone with the three children.  Usually I get my shower before they rise, but for various reasons, It didn’t happen this morning.

I gave Emme instructions to watch her little brother (who in my defense is nearly 4) and attempt to cohabitate peacefully with her sister.

A very brief shower was planned.

Before the rinse cycle, I heard a good deal of screaming right outside of the bathroom door.  It wasn’t the run of the mill sibling bickering, I could tell this was serious.  As in, the house is ablaze serious.  And I’m certain the neighbors did as well.

I grabbed my threadbare towel and wrapped it around me as best as I could under the dire circumstances, and flung open the bathroom door.  With shampoo in my hair, and St. Ives Apricot Scrub on my face.

When the children saw me, all screaming ceased.

We all stood there, wide eyed, blinking at each other.

I see therapy in their future.  Lots and lots of therapy.

And then they all began talking at once.  While Jensen began crying hysterically.

Jensen, it seems, had set off the security alarm by bolting past the ever watchful Emme, and before she could stop him, he had opened the laundry room and garage doors, thusly tripping the alarm.

He was in search of his little red vacuum.  He had spotted some emergency dirt.

And what luck.  It was on this day that he discovered that the safety baby door knob covers were no longer an obstacle for him.

I reset the alarm in record time, and let the powers that be know that police presence was not necessary.

This time.

We have a security alarm that will deafen any neighbor within a one mile radius, btw.

The neighbors LOVE us.

I totally believe that if the housing market weren’t in the crapper, lots of “For Sale” signs would be dotting the lawns around us.

(And yes, save your lectures, leaving Jensen unattended was not one of my brighter mommy moves.)

I just think that God has assigned a very special, albeit very busy angel to watch over me.

deedeesig

February 19, 2009

16 Responses to House of Horrors

  • LOL our nearest neighbors are about 1/2 a mile away but they just hate us cause our dogs are stupid and noisy
    steff

  • Tee hee hee! You make me laugh!!

    I would have to shower in the middle of the night to be done before my kids get up. They get up about 5:30 every morning…WHY DO THEY DO THAT?! I mean, if I had zero responsibilities and could goof around most of the day, I would be sleeping in. But apparently I would be wrong…whatever…

  • I have set our alarm off many a time when I stumble out the back door in a sleep-deprived haze to take the dog out.
    The funny thing is, the police have come once, BUT NEVER has a neighbor called to check on us. Not once. And we really know our neighbors.

    So I wonder, do they just KNOW we are forgetful people, or are they looking forward to our demise?
    Something to ponder…

  • Hey hey hey! Don’t beat yourself up over taking a shower. I leave upwards of four kids unattended to go take a shower. Think nothing of it. Who knows but that you’re merely giving your neighbors blog fodder???

  • Well, now that mine are 8 and 6 I don’t have to worry so much anymore. Except for a secretive raid on the desserts in the pantry, thusly ruining their breakfast! (Doesn’t happen too often!) No, Praise God they are so much easier now.

  • I don’t think you can be criticized for wanting a shower, even having been reading about Jensen for years now. Really, you know it will have to be a fast shower, and theoretically how bad can it be for ten minutes?

    Glad you stopped the cops though. That could have been BAD.

  • Don’t you just love it when the kids set the alarm off?!

  • And this is EXACTLY why, in our search for a new place to live, condos, townhomes, duplexes and any living arrangement which mould mean shared walls, is O.U.T!!!

    I am just glad to know I am not the only one in this predicament!

  • Oh, don’t feel bad about taking a shower! That’s nice that you’re usually able to get one earlier- my ds is 14 mos & I still put him in his exersaucer b/c I don’t know what else to do- when he grows out of it I don’t know HOW I’ll get a shower! 🙁

  • I am always trying to come up with creative ways to get a shower, clean a room, anything out of my three olds view without him setting the house on fire or running out the door. Don’t feel bad.

    I did crack up at the therapy line though. Too funny!!

  • Oh, thank you for that! I needed that laugh today!! My nose is running I’m laughing so hard!! Too much information?

  • My girls are 3 & 5, and I can’t bear to get up before them to shower. My shower usually comes around 9 or so, after getting the kindergartener off to school and reading some blogs. But some days I really wish I got up before them. I like a peaceful shower. And they are rare. My showers go like this: “Mama? Maaaahhma???” “I’ll be out in just a minute” “Mama? Mama? Mama?” “YES. I will be out in a MINUTE.” “Mama, can I {garble, garble}?” “What?” “Can I {garble GARBLE}?” “Just wait for mommy. One minute.” Etc, etc.

  • Oh, my. I just read the last three weeks of your posts and I must say that it’s been a while since I laughed so much. While being medicated that is.

    Anyway, thanks.

  • the time I got a shower with my 4 year old awake the police were at the door when I got out. My boy called 911 “Just so I could see the policeman”. both of us were naked (the boys all loved running around nude) so no one saw the police.
    makes for a good story now that he’s 8.

  • I just discovered your blog, and I must say, I am thrilled. Another mommy who has survived some of the same things I deal with on a daily basis!! Yes! :O) I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time… The first line was fantastic. I’m certain our neighbors (we apartment) feel the same, as there is so much shrieking (and at times, death threats on my end) from my girls, that it must sound like we’re hacking them to bits most of the time. Ah, well. And as for the shower thing – it’s life. How you can manage to get into the shower BEFORE your kids are awake most days, is a minor miracle in my book. Goodness. I haven’t been able to shower without hearing either screaming, incoherent conversation, or my personal favorite, hearing MY thoughts, “It’s too quiet, someone must be hurt, maimed, kidnapped, hanging from the ceiling fan, etc…” in so long I don’t think I’d know how to deal with it if I could just get in and BATHE. In peace. No worries. Wow… Anyway.

  • My neighbors probably wish they could move or we would move too. I’m sure they hear lots of screaming and yelling. We are in the terrible 2’s