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The Toothfairy’s Wings Have Been Clipped

I made the job of Toothfairy for my mother a rather easy one.  I didn’t start loosing my teeth until the 5th grade.  In fact, I had to endure the humiliation of having two front teeth missing during the annual class photos.

I attempted to throw people off by wearing a snug bright purple sweater dress, to show off the fact that I was the proud owner of my first training bra.

Eleven year old angst.  Perhaps I’m still bitter about the cruel deck of cards dealt to me in the form of freckles, stringy hair, bird legs, and missing teeth.

But I’m over it now.

By the time I started loosing teeth, I knew all about the tooth fairy.  Saving my mother valuable dollar bills.  I also knew the sordid truth about Santa Claus and sex.  (Separate issues, both revealed to me in the same run on paragraph by my best friend.)

I’ve carried on here about my escapades as Chief Toothfairy to my children.  Emme’s loss of teeth have provided me with ample blog fodder.  What with her aversion to blood loss and all.

But it seems her younger sister may give her a run for her money.

Cailey is the sister that refuses to part with ANYTHING.  Recently when a sibling tattled that the mommy had thrown away a portion of a blue Polly Pocket ensemble because it lay under the kitchen table for THREE DAYS, you would have thought I had murdered her.  I sensed this from all the wailing, carrying on, and the throwing of herself down on the ground as she writhed in pain.

Cailey, it seems, doesn’t want to part with her teeth either.  She lost one front tooth because it simply fell out of her head mid-sentence.

She reluctantly placed it under her pillow for collection, yet still quizzes me as to its actual location.

The other front tooth is now loose, and she refuses to get it out.  This has gone on for two months.  It is so loose that it has moved to the center of her mouth.  And there is a great deal of space on either side, giving her the appearance of a Jack-o-lantern.

I’m not kidding, it flails around whenever she talks, and sometimes it turns completely sideways.  A little unnerving if I’m attempting a serious conversation with her.

But she won’t let me touch it.  Because she wants to “keep” it.  I’ve assured her that if she lets me get it out, she can put it in a jar by her bed and I will personally guarantee that the toothfairy will leave it the heck alone.

She didn’t bite.

The other night while Fiddledaddy was pumping gas, and we were all stationed in the van waiting, Cailey let out a blood curdling scream that made everyone in the gas station turn to see who was dying.

Cailey does not possess that filter necessary to avoid a spectacle while out in public.

Fiddledaddy nearly shot gas into the air as he jumped a good 10 feet.

Cailey had simply bitten into a crunchy snack I had thoughtfully provided for her, causing her tooth to bleed.  Quite a lot.  But still, it hung on.

I just went to check on her and she’s sleeping with her mouth open.

Oh yes, I’m thinking about it.  Sometimes the Toothfairy has to be proactive.  Kind of like the impatient vulture that’s just gonna kill something and be done with it.

This Toothfairy has a dollar in her pocket that’s just burning a hole.  The only thing holding me back is that she bites.  And I’m fond of my fingers.

Motherhood.  It ain’t for sissies.


20 Responses to The Toothfairy’s Wings Have Been Clipped

  • Oh my, Dee Dee. I laughed so hard at that I had to read it twice.

    Both of my son’s front teeth came out With Such Drama.

    Top tooth # 1

    Top tooth # 2

  • Cracking up laughing over here, Dee Dee. That tooth would be the death of me. The thought of it hanging around there so loose and wiggly is creeping me out.

    I’m going to totally wimp out when my two boys start losing their teeth. Yuck…

  • I would risk it and pull the tooth and leave the money. If she doesn’t bite, maybe she will be distracted by the money left. If she does bite, well there would be another great story to blog about, the loss of your fingers.

  • That was a great read! Thanks for making me laugh uncontrollably!

  • So did you think that babies came from The North Pole?


  • don’t be a sissy, just do it

  • recently my 7 year old son lost his first two teeth. The bottom middle ones. With his first loss, he thought he would be funny and make daddy queasy by pretending he would jerk the tooth out with his tshirt. He put the bottom of his shirt in his mouth and yanked… much to his surprise the tooth came right out 🙂

    With the 2nd tooth, he would have none of this nonsense of pulling it. I did try to hold him down one day and get it out. The adult tooth behind it was getting taller than the baby tooth in front. And he did bite me…

    I finally got it out of him, but not without much wailing and gnashing of teeth… 😀

    With the next one, if i get so lucky to see his mouth hanging open asleep, you better believe i’ll give it a go. It drives me crazy to see teeth dangling around in there. I say go for it momma!

  • Do it. Do it. Do it. (Do you hear the crowd chanting with me???)

  • My son doesn’t believe anymore, as he shouldn’t, he’s twelve…but he won’t admit that he doesn’t believe even though he knows I know he doesn’t….but he likes the perks of non-believing believing.

  • I feel your pain!

    I also have one of each. The older cutie will take a tooth that’s just a little loose and rip it out! I can’t watch!!!

    The little sister doesn’t fall far from this tree, she won’t touch the loose tooth until it falls out her mouth. Lucky for me, we’ve managed to find all the teeth!

    I just pay the money and try not to get involved!

  • Book recommend:Jane vs. The Tooth Fairy

  • It makes me want to hurl but I also get that overwhelming desire to yank them out too!! It is a battle for me when my kids have such a ‘hanging by a shred’ tooth. Part of me wants to wretch and part of me wants to yank it!
    I thought of you last night and your questions about facebook a while back. I was reading a FOXnews.com story about facebook and how their new user agreement states that they can take ANYTHING you post and use it for third party advertising… yup that includes photos people post (even with settings on private) of their precious little ones. They consider you a member for life and even if you deactivate your account they maintain archives of your stuff. YIKES!!

  • Yank it out!! Do it, do it, do it!!

  • I’m cackling and giggling and getting quite the ab workout. Thanks!

    The picture of Fiddledaddy spraying gas everywhere while jumping 10 feet sent me over the edge.

  • Nyquil.



    You’re welcome.

  • A note on the above comment re: facebook. With all the uproar about their privacy they are returning to their old privacy standards (which they’d changed Feb 4) so you can safely facebook until they decide what to do. You could go to their site and read their policy (it was on the top of my fb page this morning).

    Also, I came back to see if you’d taken care of the tooth! I had an idea. When she’s sleeping, you could put the tip of a wooden spoon handle or something in her mouth near your fingers while you’re pulling the tooth so that if she bites she chomps the spoon and not your finger! It sounded like a good idea in my head, but now typed out I’m not so sure…

  • haha I totally laughed out loud at that one – especially the jumping in the air part. You’re totally right, motherhood ain’t for sissies!

  • I forcibly removed my oldest son’s first loose tooth with pliers. While he was awake. And since our kids don’t believe in the tooth fairy or Santa or any of that, he didn’t get any money. Is that mean? 🙂

  • When my girls started losing their teeth my dad gave me the magic hankercheif so you can get hold of those wiggly little things. My oldest had some strange teeth growing patterns where the adult tooth was keeping the baby tooth in place and I had to take her to the dentist. 40.00 not good. I remember when I was little I told my dad I had a wiggly tooth and he said he would take a look after supper. Needless to say supper was eaten and so was the tooth. Clare

  • I’m cackling over here!! My girls both let their teeth dangle until they fall out on their tongues. Nasty, nasty. I’m right there with ya!