Cereal Killer, Part Deux

After yesterdays post, more than a few of you inquired as to why I might take my cereal bowl with me to investigate a possible break in.

And I’d like to offer an explanation.

I can’t really.

But I’d like to, nonetheless.

At first you might think that I’d be afraid to leave perfectly good food at the table because the heathens that I live with might eat it.  However, that is not the case since I’m the only inhabitant here who will touch a delicious bowl of oatmeal.  Or as it is known to the others, gruel.

I think a more plausible explanation could be that 2/3 of my children are sick, and I was subconsciously afraid that one or two of them would sneeze into my porridge. And neglect to alert me.

In the interest of full disclosure, I thought I should tell you that the story did continue after Fiddledaddy really left for the gym.

We settled into our morning routine, which in fact, was not routine at all because of all the coughing, gagging, sneezing, and general whining afforded by a house filled with sick offspring.

At some point I had to break down and blend myself a coffee drink.  This is something I do most every morning, but on this particular day it was even more deserved than usual.

With a nice tall tumbler of mocha coffee drink in hand, I wandered out to the garage to take note of later snacking opportunities in the garage freezer.  As I turned the knob to go out to where the freezer is housed, someone pulled the door open at the same time.

Giving me heart failure.  And causing me to lose my balance.

I jumped a good 5 feet into the air, and crumpled against the side of the freezer.  And yet, miraculously, I neither cursed nor spilled a drop of coffee drink.  Fiddledaddy quipped, “You’re a little jumpy today, aren’t you?”  (And btw, he almost NEVER enters the house through the garage.)

I totally ROCK during emergencies.  Both real and perceived.

And then I did what any loving christian wife would do.  I punched him in the throat.  With my free hand.

Not really.  But I may have thought about it.

Fiddledaddy would argue that I ingest too much caffeine.

I would beg to differ.  And I’ll be sure to debate the point thoroughly.  Right after I drink a glass of iced tea.

And the twitching subsides.


17 Responses to Cereal Killer, Part Deux

  • Hahaha! This is hilarious! I mean, I know it might not have been funny then, but I cracked up reading this! My husband likes to scare me when I’m coming out of the kids bedroom after putting them to bed. The kids find it so much fun that I will hear them asking Daddy to “scare Mommy again tonight,Dad!”

  • You ‘crack me up’…hard! I could envision every little action! This is GREAT! Thank u for making me start my day with a good laugh…priceless!!!!

  • From Cereal Killer to (with coffee in hand)…wait for it…a good Mugging??

  • Okay, my hubby does stuff like that to me all the time.

    Only he means to scare me.

    He has my son in on it, too. I jump or scream (no obscenities, YET) and spend 3 minutes thinking the old ticker has quite working, and they laugh hysterically and say that I may need medication.
    I then reply with a none-too-soft kick in the rear. I should be immune to it by now, but they get me every time.

  • I am so impressed! I would have cussed to the ends of the earth all the while throwing my coffee into the air, landing not only on me but the garage ceiling and walls. You are so talented!!

  • You should really work with Jack Bauer.

  • I missed yesterday’s post and so today I got a double dose of fall-out-of-my-chair laughter!

    And I am with you, I am a swearer in any given emergency~which I will tell you isn’t cool while you are driving in the car with the wife of one of the deacons at our church…YIKES…

  • Would you like to share your blended mocha deliciousness recipe with us? Please?

  • Is there a massive life insurance policy out on you? Why is Fiddledaddy so bent on giving you a heartattack???

  • I’m with Melanie. Jack Bauer could definitely benefit from your deadly cereal bowl-wielding way.

    Deadly gruel!

  • Love the story! I am always surprised how many husbands just come into a home and surprise there wives. Like they live there or something – he he.My husband learned a long time ago not to surprise me. He came home one time after being overseas without telling me and as he walked into the house, I hit him with a baseball bat right in the stomach! He doubled over – looked at me – and said “Hi hon, I got to come home early” I told him to never do that again!!! and he hasn’t! Don’t mess with a sleeping wife with 2 small children – I do bite!!

  • I am almost happy that I missed yesterday’ spost because it gave me a chance to laugh TWICE today! You are so stinkin funny!

    Whew … now I gotta go potty from all of the laughin … gotta love gettin old 🙂

  • Your two posts cracked me up! Thanks for putting a smile on my face!

  • Girl, it’s always fun to visit you!


  • I come here every day for a much needed dose of humor. You have yet to disappoint! I am literally crying right now. The laughing kind of tears as opposed to the woe-is-me kind that attacked me earlier.

  • A most excellent follow-up to yesterday’s post. Yes, you are a magnificent story teller – and I appreciate your imagination for what might have happened and would have been super funny!

  • And I was so sure that you carried that bowl in hopes of throwing it at an intruder, therefore causing yourself to not only NEED a new breakfast, but to DESERVE those pancakes and bacon.

    Good luck with the nutritional changes, I’m glad I didn’t decide to join you, it would make my new, unexpected pregnancy that much harder to deal with!