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Tap Dancing Outside of My Comfort Zone

(I have added an addendum to the end of this post)

It feels like a sweet forever since I’ve written anything resembling an actual post.  Not that this is going to resemble a post, I’m just sayin’.

I wanted to let you all know how Saturday went.  If you’ll recall, I was booked to speak at a homeschool conference.  My nerves nearly got the best of me, and outside of praying for Jesus to return and save me, I thought for sure a sink hole might just open up beneath me (again) and stop me from suffering certain heart failure.  In front of an audience.

And I may have prayed for laryngitis.  Which actually very nearly came to pass.

Alas, Saturday dawned, and I felt a good deal of peace.  The kind of peace that only the good Lord can dispense.  In fact, I was even excited at the prospect.

I arrived and met with the sweet organizer of the event.  The first thing she said to me was, “you look nothing like I expected!” This is not the first time this has happened.  I got that a lot when I attended She Speaks last summer.

Leading me to believe that I need to always show up wearing the turban and cucumbers.  But, I have a question.  If you’ve never met me in person, or seen a seldom posted picture, what would you expect?

I’m just morbidly curious.  But be kind.  I’m a fragile flower.

Anyhoo.  I learned that I would be speaking in the church sanctuary.  I immediately began asking for God to forgive me for the subject matter that I would be presenting in His house.

As I was entering the empty sanctuary so that I could throw myself on the alter and pray for mercy, I passed the church pastor.  “Are you the singer?” he asked.  “I sing only at gunpoint,” I replied.

Very inappropriate,” I thought to myself, shaking my head as I continued into the large sanctuary.  I sat quietly, looking over my notes and praying like I’ve never prayed before.  And the room began to fill.

I was introduced and then stood on wobbly knees and began speaking.  I told the audience that I would just leave my reading glasses on, so they would all just be a big blur (especially my friends in the audience).  But if I should spontaneously combust, what with the subject matter and me being on an alter and all, just to gesture broadly so as to alert me.

So, right there in a house of God, I talked about poop, boogers, strippers, and my son dropping trow in the library.  I left out the other library story, because there would be just no way to say that word in a church without burning in hell.

And hell is a place I try to avoid.

Everything went well.  I didn’t faint, vomit, or die.  The audience was very polite, and laughed in all the right places.  And no one ran screaming from the building.  Not that I know of anyway.  Can’t see a thing far away with those glasses on.

I had to leave right after for a meeting, so I didn’t have a chance to meet anyone.  Or explain myself.  Or offer apologies.  But I’ve had some very very sweet and encouraging comments and e-mails over the weekend from some ladies who attended.  Thank you for that.

As uncomfortable and frightening as it can be when God shoves me out of my comfort zone, I’m awfully glad He does.  No moss growing on this rolling stone.  No siree.

Have a wonderful week, everyone.  And don’t forget that “what did you expect” question I posed earlier.

(Addendum: go here to see what I really look like)


26 Responses to Tap Dancing Outside of My Comfort Zone

  • I’m so very glad you didn’t spontaneously combust!

    As far as what I expect you look like? Let’s just say the very first post I ever read about you was the Brad Pitt/poker playing days post. You had a picture of you (and Brad Pitt), so I have an idea of what you look like, instead of the cartoon with the turban and cucumbers. =)

    Unless you have drastically changed. Which I’m guessing you haven’t.

    • Oh Tasha, that was 20 years ago, and I was wearing a tube top. Things have changed, believe me, things have changed! 🙂

  • I’m sure you did a great job! Wish I could have been there to be a blur in the front row.

  • Actually, I WAS a blur in the front row! And anyone who can say booger and poop in a baptist sanctuary is NOT a fragile flower. 😉

    Thanks for the reminder that we all need to enjoy the ride . . . every wacky, hair-pulling, hiney-exposed-in-public-places minute of it!

  • Oh, and I had no pre-visual expectation of what you looked like, so I was pleasantly surprised to see you were someone I already knew from reading your posts. 🙂

    “That’s her? Of course it is!”

  • I have always imagined you to be about 5’4″, with brown shoulder length hair, and about 160-170 lbs.

  • I have actually seen a picture of you that you posted from Halloween. And I really didn’t have any idea of what you would look like but it was a great picture! Glad everything went well.

  • I think I’ve seen a picture but can’t remember for sure. So, I’ll just wait until you post a recent picture.

  • Congrats! I knew you’d do a great job. You are such a great blogger/storyteller, and I bet you are a great speaker, too.

    By the way, before I saw any pictures that you posted of yourself, I would have thought you were a red-head. I have no idea why. (But I guess that’s a compliment, since they are a lot of funny redheads, like Lucy.)

  • You would think with all the stories you’ve posted about wrestling Jenson to the ground you would be some big buff chick. However, I know the truth – you tiny little thing. No wonder he kicks your butt. 🙂

    You would probably be in the corner trying to hide. Someone like me would run up and scream I’m your biggest fan to which you would scream security. 😉

    Glad things went well for you! I knew it would.

  • I’m sure you did well. Your storytelling on the blog is terrific and I would imagine that translates nicely into public speaking.

    I wish i could have been there. Those are my friends who put that together and I know many who attended. I moved from FL to TN about a year ago.

  • hehe, Well I’m sure you look just beautiful. 😉

  • I’ve never seen a picture but in my head, you are lovely:)

  • I think you are medium height with shoulder length blond hair.

    I sure would love to see the post with a picture of you and Brad Pitt. Not that I have a major crush on him or anything.

  • Stretch pants, fairly new running shoes, unidentifiable gunk smeared in various places, in a cluttered minivan, coffee in one hand, directing 3 quirky children with the other…wait… that could be me too (: Ah, but I know the truth. You’re a beautiful woman of God, so busy loving her family that she doesn’t have much time for herself. -So God rewards her with natural and inner beauty that outshines the stars. Keep shining Fiddledeedee!

  • I’m glad that your speech went well.

    I confess that I have a slightly disturbing image of you. Your own fault. You see, I started reading about the time you posted this:

    Sad to see the image is no longer on the post… But I’m still laughing at the memory!

    • Jaime,
      Sadly, that picture is probably the best representative of my true self. I have no idea why the image disappeared. It could be that my Mac was trying to protect me. Or you all. Chances are good I’ll post it tomorrow. Because that’s the way I am. 🙂

  • When I started reading your blog, I pictured you as a modern version of “Erma Bombeck”. . . .


    P.S. I already know what you look like from other blogs and pictures. . . you are beautiful!

  • Well, I think you are beautiful inside & out…and not just because I “know” or already “knew” what you look like…

    You did a MARVELOUS job…and I am so glad I was there!!

    and later as I browsed through the book vendors I overheard something like this…
    “That FiddleDeeDee gal was really funny, dontcha think???”….”Oh, yeah she was…I think I wet my pants twice!”
    “I think they should have her speak at the FPEA Leaders Forum, don’t you???” …”Oh no, I think she should speak AT the convention as a main speaker….everyone needs to hear her – not just the leaders!!!”

    Well, YOU KNOW what I did, right???

    I gladly offered them your contact info right then and there and also gave them my personal recommendation!

    This past Saturday was small potatoes compared to the convention! 🙂

    Look at it this way – you’ll be recognized at the convention and will be able to smooze your way to the front of the line at the Rock Solid booth because everyone will stand back and say, “hey that’s FIddleDeeDee – that hilarious speaker – let her go ahead…”

    I know, you’ll thank me later!

  • I picture you as being about 5’7″ or so, thin, and shoulder length blonde hair. (but I think I remember reading that you are short?)

  • I treasure the image of you on my screensaver.

  • Seems like I saw a picture of you at some bloggy conference… ??

    Anyway, I imagine you to look like Antique Mommy. I imagine you with shoulder length light brown hair. Average size w/ your standard Mom Hips. Not that I think about your hips. Just sayin’.

  • Saw you on Lisa Cauble’s page once for her Bible Study you participated in. Looked you up on Facebook too. So, I already know what you look like. haha

  • I recognize you !
    Didn’t you recently hold up a local 7-11 ?

  • I looked at the “image” of you, and when my cursor rolled over it the word “hosehead” appeared. HA!How’d ja do that?
    I think you are tall, thin, light brown hair and a great smile. And glasses apparently. When you don’t have the cucumber slices over your eyes.

  • Its back! Priceless!

    Seriously, I saw a picture of you sans hose shortly after you posted this. (I can’t remember if you posted it or another blogger posted pics after a conference.) Anyway, I had a very difficult time processing that you’re actually quite attractive and normal-looking 🙂 But this is the picture that sticks in my head as I read about your “adventures” with Jensen, who must be my 2-year-old son’s role model. Hey — maybe we should start going to the library wearing the hose. And add a big nose and mustache to the glasses before going anywhere a young child can reach the fire alarm….