(I have added an addendum to the end of this post)
It feels like a sweet forever since I’ve written anything resembling an actual post. Not that this is going to resemble a post, I’m just sayin’.
I wanted to let you all know how Saturday went. If you’ll recall, I was booked to speak at a homeschool conference. My nerves nearly got the best of me, and outside of praying for Jesus to return and save me, I thought for sure a sink hole might just open up beneath me (again) and stop me from suffering certain heart failure. In front of an audience.
And I may have prayed for laryngitis. Which actually very nearly came to pass.
Alas, Saturday dawned, and I felt a good deal of peace. The kind of peace that only the good Lord can dispense. In fact, I was even excited at the prospect.
I arrived and met with the sweet organizer of the event. The first thing she said to me was, “you look nothing like I expected!” This is not the first time this has happened. I got that a lot when I attended She Speaks last summer.
Leading me to believe that I need to always show up wearing the turban and cucumbers. But, I have a question. If you’ve never met me in person, or seen a seldom posted picture, what would you expect?
I’m just morbidly curious. But be kind. I’m a fragile flower.
Anyhoo. I learned that I would be speaking in the church sanctuary. I immediately began asking for God to forgive me for the subject matter that I would be presenting in His house.
As I was entering the empty sanctuary so that I could throw myself on the alter and pray for mercy, I passed the church pastor. “Are you the singer?” he asked. “I sing only at gunpoint,” I replied.
“Very inappropriate,” I thought to myself, shaking my head as I continued into the large sanctuary. I sat quietly, looking over my notes and praying like I’ve never prayed before. And the room began to fill.
I was introduced and then stood on wobbly knees and began speaking. I told the audience that I would just leave my reading glasses on, so they would all just be a big blur (especially my friends in the audience). But if I should spontaneously combust, what with the subject matter and me being on an alter and all, just to gesture broadly so as to alert me.
So, right there in a house of God, I talked about poop, boogers, strippers, and my son dropping trow in the library. I left out the other library story, because there would be just no way to say that word in a church without burning in hell.
And hell is a place I try to avoid.
Everything went well. I didn’t faint, vomit, or die. The audience was very polite, and laughed in all the right places. And no one ran screaming from the building. Not that I know of anyway. Can’t see a thing far away with those glasses on.
I had to leave right after for a meeting, so I didn’t have a chance to meet anyone. Or explain myself. Or offer apologies. But I’ve had some very very sweet and encouraging comments and e-mails over the weekend from some ladies who attended. Thank you for that.
As uncomfortable and frightening as it can be when God shoves me out of my comfort zone, I’m awfully glad He does. No moss growing on this rolling stone. No siree.
Have a wonderful week, everyone. And don’t forget that “what did you expect” question I posed earlier.
(Addendum: go here to see what I really look like)