All Washed Up

As part of my nightly ritual, I check the front door to make sure that it’s secure. It’s not that I’m afraid anyone will break in, but rather that someone will break free.

Pity the fool that enters into this fray unaware.

I glanced out the front window by the front door. I never see anything significant, or even interesting, but still I look.

And there at the receiving end of the front porch from the gutter, lay a dead bloated frog, on its back, one arm draped across his throat.

If you’re new, you might note that I devote entire posts, and lo, even a whole category to my escapes with the amphibian population. Which continue to terrorize me, even in the throws of winter.

If you’re not new, I apologize. I’m doing it again. But I’m not going to torture you with photographic evidence this time. I’m sure you still haven’t recovered from the freeze dried frog entombed in the door of my van. And it’s still there. Btw.

I’ve had to stop taking pictures for two reasons. Because I do care about y’all and your well being. And my computer is set to show photographs when I haven’t touched it in awhile. And more than twice, pictures of frogs have appeared out of nowhere when I’m trying to enjoy something fried in nature.

And that’s just wrong.

I immediately alerted Fiddledaddy to the fact that there was a dead and grossly bloated frog on our front porch. Confident in the fact that he would extricate himself from the comfort of his bed, and go put it out of my misery.

Instead, “I’m sure a snake will eat it.”

I paused for a moment, trying hard to push that visual out of my head.

Listen mister, we have 3 children that will go out the front door at some point tomorrow. And I am certain that at least one of them will either a) step on it, b) scream loud enough to wake the dead, or c) kiss it to see if that’s her prince at long last.

If you need the answer key, it is as follows:

a) Jensen
b) Cailey
c) Emme

“A snake will eat it.” And with that, he roller over and went to sleep.

Let the record show, that I didn’t sleep all that well, envisioning a fiery escape in the dark of the night, and what a large dead bloated frog might feel like squished between my toes.

At this point, you might be thinking that my meds should be altered. But alas, there are no meds. Which accounts for a few things. Just sayin’.

Even the resident snake was not desperate enough for a breakfast of dead bloated frog. And so there he lay, all day. The children all checked on the progress of his decomposition throughout the afternoon.

They gathered around him after an outing to pay respect. Cailey quietly said, “Look mom, how his hand is over his eyes. That’s so sad.” But I was too busy wringing my hands, and making sure that Jensen didn’t jump on him with both feet.

He has the same little boy compulsion around rain puddles. And ant piles.

The next day, Fiddledaddy left the house to retrieve something from his car. When he came back, I noticed the frog was removed from his almost final resting place. And was nowhere to be seen.

He maintains that the snake must have been famished. But I know the truth.

And I’ll let you all decide:

December 2, 2008

14 Responses to All Washed Up

  • Oh yeah, you KNOW how *I* voted.

    hehehehehehehehehehe

    (La la la la I can’t HEAR you la la la la)

  • Hey- how is it that I Don’t have you on Twitter/ You need to email me your twitter, or add me livingingrace 🙂

  • As soon as I started reading your post, I believe the movie “Shrek the Third” entered my mind…this would make sense if you’ve seen it, the part where the frog king is dying…okay that was funnier in my mind.

  • I have small windows beside my front door and I look out there every single morning when I turn off the alarm. Every morning. There is never anything out there. No frogs. Ever. But I check every morning anyway.

  • DeeDee,
    Only the Egyptians could top your frog stories.

  • LOL, well, I voted A. I don’t think it was the snake, and I’m really hoping it’s not in your van!!

  • You crack me up.

    As per usual.

    ~Luke

  • snakes are hibernating right now… at least that is what i tell myself since that is the scariest thing in the world to me…. so – that is impossible 🙂 haha

  • Ahem. I once squeezed a toad. Yes ma’am, I said SQUEEZED A TOAD. Accidentally of course. It was masquerading as a dirt clod in my garden and I was breaking up the dirt…..and….well…..

    The good news is I DID recover. Also, it’s a very amusing and handy story at times, especially when people like to roll their eyes at my fastidiousness. I shoot them right down with that story. :o)

  • I voted that Fiddledaddy rid you of the bloated frog. But only because if he put it in your van you might see it in transit.

    And I am sure he’s concerned for your safety.

    Also, he might realize he would have to clean Jensen’s sneakers if the jumping occurred. I always make my hubby clean offending sneakers–even mine. Who wants to clean frog goo? Not me, surely not Fiddledaddy.

    Number 3-the snake-nah, too smart. Snakes don’t do food poisoning.

    This post is making me glad it is freezing outside. The slugs, bugs, snakes and other creepy crawlies are gone. The mice, however? That is another story.

    Julie

  • You are a riot! Very funny, and God knows us middle aged mommas with young children need a good laugh each day.

  • See my thought was that it was going to be on the bottom of Fiddledaddy’s shoes:) LOL

  • I voted that he is your hero, because of course he is – whether by virtue of frog removal or not. But if you’d had the choice of “Fiddledaddy kicked it into the weeds” I would have chose that instead.

  • Follow up story, pretty please???