Fiddledeedee

First I must pose a question.  Why is it that all the Christmas toys are ripped open within five minutes, yet the job of freeing said toys from their prison like packaging can take half a day or more?

What kind of sick twisted individual devised packaging that is not only childproof, but also most assuredly adult proof.  Scissors will not do the job alone.  Nay.  One must also employ needle nosed pliers, bolt cutters, and dynamite to boot.

I’m writing to Mattel, and carbon copying Hasbro and Fisher Price to complain bitterly about nearly loosing two perfectly good typing fingers.

Other than that, it was a perfectly lovely Christmas morning.

Moving on.

I would now like to publicly apologize to my 4 year old nephew for the trauma he suffered when he saw the “Bambi Meets Godzilla” clip on my blog this week.

A personal note to Aunt Trish:  Anything that starts with “Bambi Meets Godzilla” IS NOT GOING TO END WELL.  It’s always best to shoo the children away before coming to this blog.  You of all people know what I’m capable of.

Aunt DeeDee

Allrightythen.  Just prior to Christmas, I took an unscientific poll to see who wanted to join me on my quest to lose a few unwanted pounds.  Because misery loves company.

And more than a few of you are also willing to also enjoy the public humiliation of locking arms with me and tempting that ugly entity called will power.

I am ever so grateful.  I never would want to enter that battle alone.

I will be doing the South Beach eating plan.  And notice that I did not use the word d-i-e-t.  Because that’s a 4 letter word that I chose not to use.  This being a family friendly blog and all.

I’m simply on a quest to be healthier.  And in the process, hopefully find my will power again.

And my waistline.

Also.  THIS IS NOT A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION.  If I were to call it that, I would fail.  It just happens to all around the first part of the year, by happy coincidence.

Whatever.

Pssst, I actually started on Monday.  I didn’t really intend to, but I ate a foot long chili cheese dog courtesy of Sonic on Sunday night and I knew right then and there that I’d hit a very hard wall.

And double-pssst, I’m at the end of day 2 and am doing just fine.  No one in my house has been injured.  Or worse.  I even went to Carrabbas last night and ate CARB FREE!  No bread or croutons.  That is some sort of end of the year Carrabbas miracle.

Anyhoo, I’ll put up Mr. Linky on Friday, January 9th, and I invite you all to talk about your goals, fears, tips, recipes, or thoughts in your own post.  If you’ve chosen to accept this mission.

You don’t have to follow South Beach, some of you love Weight Watchers, or are in the “Zone”, etc.  Whatever is the healthiest choice for you.

And you don’t have to have a blog to participate.  The comments section would work just fine!

Now I’m going to take the rest of the week off to mentally prepare myself for the start of school next week.  I’ll be reposting some memorable moments from 2008.

And lastly, thank you to all of you for a really great blogging year.  I am so very blessed to know that I don’t struggle alone.  Thank you for supporting me, and for your wonderful blogs and comments.  My heart is full.

Have a wonderfully blessed New Year!

One of my favorite all time shorts, is a little piece of cinematic excellence titled “Bambi Meets Godzilla.” I laugh every single time I view it. I have for years.

Evidently, I possess a refined sense of humor.

And now, thanks to You Tube, I can view it ad nauseum. And I’m happy to share it with you.

Your welcome.

On Christmas eve, Fiddledaddy and I were inspired to stage a little Godzilla type revenge on my Christmas village. Blame it on the Christmas spirit. Or the egg nog.

Whatever.

The next morning, Dinosaur (one of Jensen’s most favorite toys) was discovered, red handed. The children were given strict instructions not to touch the Christmas village this year. They were told that should a stray Die Cast car, or Polly Pocket appear within the village, the penalty would be certain and swift death.

The resident narc in the family wasted no time in alerting us to the infraction of “Diny-Sore’s” appearance within the Christmas village.

“Jensen didn’t do it.”

“But who did?”

“Daddy and I were having a little fun.”

Stunned silence.

“Why?”

“Because it’s Christmas. The parents are allowed to have fun every now and again. Right?”

What followed was a slight shake of the head in disbelief, as if to say “Grow up already, Mom.”

Wait until she discovers what awaits her in her stocking.

Parents must find their fun wherever possible.

After spending nearly 6 days at Disney World, and walking 794 miles, you would think that I’d have lost a little weight.

BUT YOU WOULD BE WRONG!

Because Disney World serves Churros, my friends. Little carts line Main Street, and kindly vendors will hand you one of these long fried morsels of deliciousness covered in cinnamon and sugar.

AND GET THIS! All you have to do is hand over money to receive one. Or 27.

So now my stretchypants are feeling a little snug. And my willpower has not only left the building, but the country as well.

And you know what that means.

It’s time to go back on South Beach. Phase 1. Since Phase 16 doesn’t seem to be working for me.

I’ve written about the South Beach diet before. In between child #2 and #3 I lost quite a bit of weight. But after packing on 50 plus pounds with Junior, and still carrying around a bit of baby weight (the baby is almost 4), it’s time to do it again.

I started Phase 1 last summer with great success, at about the time Jensen was diagnosed with severe food allergies. And after the diagnosis, I started eating everything rice and potato based right along with him.

But look! It seems that Rice and Potatoes are a carb! And carbs in massive quantities are not my friend.

Because I like to garner sympathy be transparent, I will document my weight struggles on this blog. But I wanted to get a consensus.

Who wants to do it with me?

C’mon, it’ll be fun!

If enough of you are game, I’ll do a little Mr. Linky thing on Fridays so you can share your failures, success, recipes, tips, or extreme displeasure that I even suggested this in the first place.

Of course we should weight wait until after the first of the year because that’s what everyone does. Resolutions. Whatever.

Let me know if you’re in. And if you’ve ever lost weight on The South Beach Diet.

And if you’re worried, it was written by a REAL doctor, it is a healthy lifestyle of eating, AND the recipes are wonderful. (You can check the cookbooks out at your local library.)

AND it does allow chocolate in Phase 2, which follows Phase 1 (2 weeks). Caffeine is allowed in all Phases. Otherwise, I would have chucked the whole thing out of the window.

Have I sold you on this yet?

Whenever we have had the opportunity to stay at Disney World, our favorite location is Fort Wilderness. Because we like to rough it by camping.

And by camping, I mean that we rent a little cabin in the Pine filled woods. It has a flushing toilet, shower, and a full kitchen. With a 12 cup coffee pot.

The rough part came when I realized that I had neglected to pack my extra capacity coffee mug. And the only coffee mug offering in the cabin cabinet was something equal to the tiniest of teacups.

Intended for one of the 7 dwarfs. I had to refill that miniature cup a good ten times to feel adequately caffeinated.

Anyhoo.

The last time we were able to stay at Fort Wilderness, Emme was 4, and Cailey was a solid 2.

Jensen had not been thought up yet.

There is a small bedroom in the cabin which contains a bunk bed,and a full sized bed. We usually had the full sized bed taken out so that we could use a pak-n-play bed for Cailey. Emme was relegated to the bottom bunk.

Torture.

Since she wanted to climb that mighty ladder and sleep on top. But her mean mommy said, “Absolutely not. Not until you are 8.”

I was still fairly new to this parenting business, and had visions of her rolling up and over the security railing in her sleep, and plummeting 7 feet to the dust mite infested indoor/outdoor carpeting. Landing on her curly head.

Which in hindsight causes me to chuckle. Since of my 3 children, she is by far the most cautious. And has yet to land on her head.

So, for the last 4 years since we have been back to the cabin, she has talked of sleeping on the top bunk. Ad nauseum.

At age 7: “Gee mom, next year I’ll be 8 and can sleep on the top bunk.”

At age 8: “I can’t wait to go back to Disney World, because I’m EIGHT now and can sleep on the top bunk.”

At age 9: “FINALLY! We’re going back to Disney World and I can sleep on the top bunk.”

Cailey: “Can I sleep on the top bunk?”

Emme: (haughtily) “NO. You’re only 7.”

The moment finally arrived. Emme raced into the bedroom and looked up at the top bunk. She went to the side and took hold of the ladder. One deep breath later, she ascended 2 steps.

And stopped dead in her tracks.

Climbing down, “I can’t do it. It’s too high.”

No amount of convincing could get her up that ladder.

She eyed the bottom berth, threw puppy dog and yellow blanket in, and called it home.

Meanwhile, Cailey climbed the ladder and moved into the top bunk. I was fine with that, even though she is only 7. She’s fallen on her head lots of times.

The boys slept in the living area in the murphy bed and couch, respectively. And I suffered in silence as I declared that I would take the full sized mattress next to the bunk bed.

Because this mama bear had tested out all mattresses, and ended up with the softest one. And that’s the way it should be.

All was well and good until the middle of the first night when Cailey climbed in bed with me. She was cold, it seems. Since the air vent was directly over the top bunk.

Nice design job, Mr. Disney.

Note to Cailey’s future husband:

Cailey likes to sleep perpendicular, she’s rather violent, and she talks in her sleep. I would recommend ear plugs. And body armor. Just sayin’.

Your embattled future MIL

Wearily, the next morning, I downed 15 tiny cups of coffee. And I I looked up at that top bunk. “I’m going to end up there tonight, aren’t I?”

And the visual of me attempting to climb over the safety rail was more than I could bear.

The next night, I bundled Cailey up and sent her climbing. As I nestled into my nice soft mama bed, wearing my black zorro mask and ear plugs.

And dreamed of large mugs of coffee and maid service. At the happiest place on earth.

If you are a male reader, don’t run in horror.  I won’t get graphic.  I know, unusual for me.  This is an important  message for all the women in your life.

I’m going to jump up on my soapbox today, and give you the lecture that I give to all of  my sisters-in-law and girlfriends every year.

When I was in my 20’s, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  It was detected through a yearly pap smear and caught in the very early stages.  Therefore, the treatment was not as prolonged or invasive.

And why I was diligent and responsible enough to have yearly pap smears in my 20’s, I’ll never know.  Especially since my 20’s were marred with really stupid decisions.

For many years, I had to have a pap smear performed every 6 months. Always something to look forward to.

Ahem.

I went for the annual scraping of the cervix last month.  And my test came back abnormal (as in, there is an abnormality in my cells).  My doctor is not concerned because the HPV test came back normal.  She wants to retest in 6 months.

Since I’m all about being proactive in health care, I will be retesting sooner than 6 months.  It will save my cuticles, and the rest of my family from all the hand wringing and heavy sighing they would have to endure.  What with me being so dramatic and all.

AND the appointment that I look forward to most of all is the annual Smooshing of the Boobs on a Cold Metal Tray.  Otherwise known as the Mammogram.  That’s scheduled in January.

My mother-in-law is a breast cancer survivor.  The annual mammogram saved her life.  And for that, I am grateful.

Have you been checked this year?  If not, GIT ‘ER DONE!

Stepping down from my soap box.  Carry on.