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A Hairy Tale

If you were to ask me what my natural hair color is, I would have to tell you in all honesty that I have no clue.

In other words, there is nothing natural about my hair color.

I started having my hair highlighted somewhere way back in the early 80’s, after a particularly atrocious hair cut.

Like the highlights would disguise the fact that my hair looked like someone placed a bowl on my head, spun me around in the chair, closed their eyes, and cut at random.

My money would have been better spent purchasing a sombrero.

And because I’m never one to rock the boat, I paid for it. And even added the requisite tip.

The highlighting continued (at a different salon), because once you highlight your hair, you are really powerless to stop on your own. It becomes an addiction. Something about the aluminum foil and all that bleach.

And how attractive you look sitting there under the hair dryer, while picking up all manor of radio frequencies.

I visited a salon about every 8 weeks from the early 80’s until after I gave birth to Emme. Which was 9 years ago. Do the math. And then tell me how much I’ve spent on my hair in the last 20 years.

While I cry.

Then when I became a mother of two, trips to the beauty parlor came to an abrupt end.

Along with my sanity.

I no longer could justify the time or expense. This is when Loreal became my friend.

Because Loreal covers the gray, my friends. And the addition of the third child brought out a whole lot of gray. And happily, the box of Loreal comes with a highlighting kit. Which is easy enough for even me to use.

So, when anyone now asks me where I get my hair done, I tell them “my bathroom.”

I’m just never certain whether the question means, “Wow, your hair looks terrific!” Or “mental note: never get your hair done there.

The only stumbling block now, is the haircut. And yes, I’ve tried doing it myself.

But that just never ends well.

On a whim this last summer, I went to The Hair Cuttery, right next to the grocery store. I figured that it is a blunt cut, how hard can that be. And the price was right.

I loved it. And it only took 15 minutes.

It takes me that long to decide, “one column of Oreos, or two?”

Fast forward to Friday, when I blissfully had two unexpected hours to myself. Thanks to my sweet SIL and partner in crime, Trish.

I thought I’d just swing by for a quick trim. Since it had been 14 years.

Not really, just looked like it.

My regular gal wasn’t working, so I took a chance on someone new. I knew instinctively within 3 minutes that she had no idea what she was doing. Yet, I lacked the courage to get up, uncape, and run like the wind.

I noticed the manager of the joint walk by behind me. I could see her face in the mirror. As she walked past, she looked right at the back of my head as Morticia (not real name) was cutting. I saw her furrow her brow and give a look like, “what the……”

Again. Stand. Run.

But, I didn’t. I sat there and endured the torture of this haircut for ONE HOUR. And during that time, she admitted that she just started on Tuesday.



She told me that she came from another salon. But I suspect that salon had nothing to do with the cutting of hair.

At the hour mark, she told me that she could blow dry it. “How long will that take?”

“Another 15 to 20 minutes.”

No thanks. Check please.

I paid, and yes, left a small tip.

It was hard to tell how bad it was whilst wet and unstyled. When I arrived at home, I noted that it was indeed bad. Yes. Very bad, indeed.

Awesome. And what luck. Just in time for the annual Fiddle Christmas portrait.

I’ll be the one in the sombrero.

20 Responses to A Hairy Tale

  • Say it with me, “Hair grows. Hair grows.” Rinse, repeat. It’s gotten me through a number of bad haircuts. Including the one I like to call “Ode to This Is Spinal Tap” a couple of years ago:)

  • My poor, sweet aunt actually hated a haircut SO badly one time that she spent around $60 on a wig. The wig looked a bit peculiar, being longer than she had worn her hair in my lifetime, but she said anything was better than the real thing at that point.

    I wouldn’t know, I never did see the awful cut!

  • I have been there! In fact I know who the bad hair cutter is and this last time it just so happened that she was in line to cut mine. I should have run. I wanted short layers. She told me it would look aweful. I again told her I wanted short layers. She said “I do medium” You can’t even tell i have layers. UGH!!! I will try again somewhere else in a month or so. Like Tree Climbing Mom said. Hair Grows.

  • I hate when that happens. I avoid getting my hair cut for that very reason. But I’m pretty sure Hair Cuttery has a policy that if you don’t like your haircut, you can go back and they’ll fix it for free. Not that they could put the cut stuff back ON, or anything, but maybe you could get your regular person to fix it. And maybe you’ll LIKE short hair!

  • I would definitely go back and ask them to fix it… talk to the manager if need be! I mean, seriously…

  • So … when do we get a picture?

    When hell is suitable for ice skating. 🙂


  • Awwww. I’m so sorry. I cut mine once my senior year of high school and my mom took me to a professional to clean it up the next day. She had to shave the back, so it looked like someone but a bowl over my head and shaved anything that was sticking out. It actually looked cute after about 4 weeks. But my dad called me “Fifi” for a year.

    Maybe you should skip the professional pictures this year. Go somewhere to see the snow for the family picture. You can all wear those knitted wool hats!

  • Details PLEASE about highlighting with L’Oreal yourself. I just recently started coloring my own hair because, MY GOD, the expense! But I drew the line at highlighting my own hair because I was afraid I couldn’t do it. I just paid $100 to have that done. I’m now ready to try it myself.

    Can you let us know how you do it, etc.??

  • Oh, bless you.

    Seriously, the manager should have stepped in.

    Go get thee some hair and nail vitamins. It will grow a lot faster.

  • I also want to know how to highlight my own hair–but I love L’oreal–it does cover all my gray.

    I have had many bad haircuts (there used to be a country song about bad haircuts-way back in the 80’s). But by far the worst was when I went to a “beauty school” and everytime the hairdresser snipped my hair, she said “oops.” Finally, the instructor came and cleaned it up–by then I was left with very little hair.

  • You posted that post with no picture?? We want to see the results of Morticia’s haircut!!

  • Sorry, but you are gonna have to put the show in show and tell.

    Seriously. You are up for best blog, and all…

  • Prenatal vitamins will help your hair grow faster. . .I’m just saying. . .

  • Been there, done that. Bad hair experiences have caused me many, many tears over the years. Now the only tears are over how much money I pay to get a good cut by an excellent stylist. She’s worth it though!

  • So many cheap clip joints, so little time . . . I detest, nay, loathe those $15 or less chains. Never get a good cut and ALWAYS leave disgusted. They cannot even cut my sons’ hair right and all they need is cut with clippers. No need to even change the size of the clipper comb. Bitter much?!

  • Thank you Jesus!!! I am not the only one who has gotten an awful cut and just walked out in shame!!! And have you noticed that, every stinkin’ time you find a hairdresser you love/who does a great job/who does it on your lunch hour with time to spare she up and freaking moves!!! The last one I had moved to W. Texas—her husband was promoted and her family lived out there. I cried. I begged. I have had the urge to do terrible things to her when she comes back to visit her friends here!!!). Sigh.

    So now I go to a woman who does little old lady hair cuts all the time. A great cut but, Lord love her, don’t EVER let her dry it out and curl it and don’t go on your lunch hour!!! I made the mistake of getting her to fix mine after a cut when I had to go somewhere else after work and I swear it looked like a little old lady was afoot!!!

    It will grow and it is getting cool enough to wear a hat . . .

  • A haircut AND your annual GYN physical all in one week? I don’t think I could take the stress! You are a brave woman. So you just own that bad haircut, girl! Own it! 🙂

  • I’m saying go for two rows of oreos – it’s the only thing to comfort at this point.

  • I do the same thing, too! I tip even if it’s awful! And I don’t know why. It’s like a compulsion.

    And if they ask you if you like it, you smile and nod and say “it’s lovely”. And then as soon as you get home you head to the shower and pray that if you wash and blow dry your own hair you may look human again.

    Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!

  • oh my word, i just suffered a mild sympathy stroke.