Bathroom Talk

When Fiddledaddy picked the kids up from the play center at our gym yesterday, he was alerted to the fact that Jensen was found in the bathroom, naked from the waist down.

Now, that in and of itself is not unusual. Since Jensen has a penchant for dropping trow in unlikely places, at unfortunate times.

It seems, that the staff caught him attempted to poop on the floor drain, in the bathroom. And then he used considerable energy explaining to the staff why that would be appropriate. It is a drain. It is for pooping, after all.

Another proud parenting moment, brought to us courtesy of one 3 year old.

On other occasions, one of the caregivers at this play center, informed me that she was penning a book, aptly titled, “Conversations With Jensen In The Bathroom.”

Like most men, I suppose, much of Jensen’s best thinking is done in the bathroom. And it is the ideal locale to pontificate at length about all the inner workings of all things plumbing related.

That belonging to the bathroom, and to Jensen.

Fascinating stuff, really.

We’ve now instructed the staff that Jensen should never be left alone in the bathroom. Ever. The bathroom is a veritable cornucopia of fun for a water loving 3 year old. It took me a sweet forever to break him of the unsavory habit that involved sticking his head into the toilet. Because he loved to watch the water swirling around. Up close. And he has been known to lick the seat. A visual I will never ever be able to erase from my mind.

I dread taking the child shopping, because public restrooms hold a particular fascination for him. No matter where we are, or how many groceries I have loaded into the cart, he will suddenly announce to me, and any patrons within shouting distance, “MOMMY! I HAVE TO POOP! NOW, MOMMY. I NEED TO POOP NOW!” And somehow, I’m always at the far end of the store, a good 15 miles from the bathrooms.

And you know, because I am a sucker, I always fall for it. And dutifully aim the cart in the direction of the ladies restroom. I then sprint the 15 miles to get there in time, park the cart, and pry him out of the seat. I then get Jensen set up on his throne, only to have him give me an impish grin, while he bats impossibly long eyelashes in my direction “I change my mind, mommy.”

And then my head falls off of my shoulders, and rolls down the drain. Where the poop belongs.

I thought that FINALLY getting my last child out of diapers would simplify my life. In celebration I even did a victory dance when I threw the Diaper Genie on the trash pile. Much to my neighbor’s horror.

Suddenly, Pampers are looking very very good to me.

Please tell me this is a phase, and it will get easier…

Please.

November 19, 2008

17 Responses to Bathroom Talk

  • Aaaaaaahhhhh, boys. There’s nothing quite like them.

    When my little one was 2 1/2 and had just been potty trained, I walked in his room and found he had apparently pooped in his underwear, then pulled it out to play with it (ugh!). He had gotten all his dump trucks and bulldozers out and was pretending it was a big dirt pile and driving them through it (double ugh!). It took a sweet forever to wash all of that out of those tire treads. 🙂

  • Oh it does get easier but then I am told they start to drive. Have mercy!

  • Listen. My child pooped down the furnace register. LOL. I know how you feel. He was so proud. I poop in the hole. I poop in the hole. Nice…..he’s a mother’s dream come true. 🙂

  • It does get easier, although my 7 year old with Sensory issues is still fascinated with heading to every public bathroom and people are just mean when they hear me tell him firmly NO (they dont’ know we have likely already been to 4 or 5 within the last half hour at other stores) LOL But the rest DOES get better. Oh and I would tell the worker at the child place that she can absolutely write a book but that you get 95% royalties since you are the one raising him. 🙂

  • I had a young son that loved to splash the water in the toilet. Big fascination.

    Um yes it is only a stage, but when they are older (like teenager) you won’t want them in the bathroom by themselves for other reasons. =) And you will be knocking on the door wondering why they are taking so long…….

  • I love reading your blog. I just laughed out loud here in my office and got some crazy looks!

    Keep the comedy comming.

  • Sorry, but it doesn’t get easier. You just trade off. Then one day he’s waving goodbye with his little truck loaded down with college stuff and you have a lump in your throat for the rest of your life.

  • Boys will be boys.

  • Oh my goodness, that is so something Sam would do–all of it.

    Sounds like our boys are a lot alike. I would love to tell you there is hope in sight, but I’m not as far along as you.

    Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting. I love your blog.

  • Kids and their poop. I’m easily humored.

  • And this is why I come back to your blog daily!
    My Zman is 4 1/2 and we still visit every single bathroom he can talk me into, which is most. And when daddy is with he gets those too. Daddy doesn’t have near as much patience though.

  • This post made me laugh in gleeful recognition. Someone else! Like your Jensen, I have a “spirited” four-year-old. Do you want to see all the places he’s pee’d? You’ll want to see this believe me, it involves apple juice. It might even make you feel better:

    http://tentativeequinox.wordpress.com/2008/04/09/because-i-can/

    Let me comfort you by saying it gets better, but let me also parenthetically note that I had a brilliant sister trained in early childhood education and a superb part-time daycare. If I didn’t have those I’m pretty sure he’d still be peeing off the 2nd floor balcony.

  • HAHA Laughing out loud at envisioning him yelling “MOMMY…I GOT TO POOP NOW!” That is too cute and frustrating all at the same time.

    Aw before you know it, he’ll be a young man, all grown up and ready to take on the plumbing.

  • om my goodness…i feel so blissfully normal after reading your story and the comments…mine is also good at announcing the poop is imminent but its the pee that frightens me some days…i am not sure if he sleepwalks or just pees while still really tired sometimes…hav caught him peeing in the bed of one of his trucks, the vapor output hole of the vaporizer in their room, the ac vents
    not to mention all the parking lots, back decks and pool gardens…
    steff

  • I was going to tell you it gets better but now I’m skeert from Laurel’s comment.

  • I would love to say it gets better, but I suppose it just changes.

    During my Dear Son’s first parent-teacher conference in Kindergarten (he’s now 7), his teacher reported that she thought he had problems getting himself “dressed” after using the bathroom. Apparently, she “found” him after he had been gone for quite some time, in the bathroom, undressed from the waist down (in his bare feet!) and was slowly re-dressing himself. How do you explain to a teacher (in a Catholic school) that sometimes your Dear Son feels he gets the hard work done best while in the BUFF!!! He has definitely improved his process, but ocassionally he still feels the need to strip down (fortunately, he resists this urge at school now!).

    I completely enjoy your blog. And catch myself laughing OUT LOUD while at work!