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Kitchen Konfessions, Part Deux

The week got worse, before I could see any noticeable improvement.

The other night, I lost focus in the kitchen. I was cooking my favorite shrimp soup, and placed the burner on high to achieve boiling. And just then, I made myself a cup of coffee. With just a splash of Mocha Kahlua for added taste. And I thought to myself, “well now, a dollop of cool whip would make this moment perfect.”

Knowing the refrigerated cool whip was last seen a day or three ago, I headed out to the freezer, to quickly grab a tub. But, I couldn’t find it. Frantically, I tore the freezer apart. I was certain that I had just bought two tubs not more than two days ago.

And then I heard, “MOM, SOMETHING’S BURNING!” Like they automatically assume that I’m the cause of something burning in this house.


Sure enough, the shrimp had reached a boiling point, and evacuated from the sauce pan. To escape their own stench, I suppose.

As if this type of thing happens all the time lately, everyone wordlessly assumed their battle stations, opening windows and doors, and turning on fans. All while pinching their nostrils closed.

While I cried.

And then Fiddledaddy came into the kitchen to warm up my freezing cold coffee concoction. And even though no cool whip graced the top, it was just what the doctor ordered.

But, I think I’m seeing a light at the end of a dark culinarious tunnel. This morning, I made a delicious pan of scrambled eggs.

Nothing caught fire. I just thought I’d report that.

When Emme cleaned her plate, she looked up at me and said with great enthusiasm, “MOM, THOSE EGGS WERE DELICIOUS. THEY TASTED JUST LIKE THE EGGS AT MCDONALDS.”

Which, really, is the pinnacle of culinary achievement here in the House of Fiddle.

Frankly, I can only go up from here.

15 Responses to Kitchen Konfessions, Part Deux

  • I’m laughing with you. You are laughing, right?

  • It is not fair to have to be a Mom, maid, party planner, homework helper, laundry lady, and COOK all in one.

    I hate the cooking. I used to love it. I get distracted just like you do. I multi-task and it always ends in one of the balls dropping.

    Enjoy your weekend. Maybe you can eat out??

  • How do you do it? How close is the fire station? Do you know the guys by name yet?

  • Hey, listen, my daughter has assured me that my dinners are almost as good as the school cafeteria’s. Yikes! I’ve never thought of myself as much of a cook but apparently I’m worse than I thought!

  • Send me your address. I’m sending you a timer. 🙂

    Hope things get better. Maybe someday you can make hamburgers that taste just like McDonalds! Not that that would be a good thing…

  • If you are one of “my people,” do not let this respite from disaster disarm you and make you vulnerable for the next assault. I was feelin’ pretty good, too, and then I dumped dry ziti not into the water, but beside the water, all over the stovetop, etc. The ziti was literally fried. Smoke alarm!

  • Wow. Tara had a great idea there! And Linda with the ziti… oh my. I was going to say (insert obnoxious nasally tone) “You know what your problem is…” But seriously, you dropped Saturday’s stirrings. It’s been all downhill since then, minus the eggs. Think about it, maybe food is trying to get it’s revenge. or your appliances, whatever.

  • What a nice hubby to warm up your coffee for you.

    I have never been a cook. My kids are excited when I make chicken nuggets or grilled cheese. Luckily my hubby is a former chef. Very spoiled, I am.

  • You really are having a bummer of a week, at least in the kitchen! I’m glad Fiddledaddy warmed your coffee.

    This is why I will never clean my oven. Look what happens!

    I hope next week is better. 🙂

  • Hahahahahahahaha. May next week be much much better. Thank God for spiked coffee!

  • Loved Em’s comment and so did my little guy!! That is what we really strive for, isn’t it…to cook food that tastes just McD’s but yet it is nutritious!

  • Are you planning on making catching the kitchen on fire a weekly event??? LOL! Great job on the Eggs!! LOL

  • Say it with me – less coffee more Kahlua.

  • Well, you did better with the eggs than we did with “hash browns” at our house. I wanted them something like the Mickey D’s… and… well… they weren’t. [smile]


  • My kids credit my cooking skills to the fact that I used to work at McDonald’s back in the day, and I had to work the grill.

    I’m not sure if that means I’m a good cook or a bad one.