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The Position of Toothfairy Has Been Downsized

Yesterday, Emme came into my room and stood before me, “Here Mom, look what I’ve got.” And with that, she handed me a small square of toilet tissue, neatly folded.

I should have been fearful. This is the child most likely to present me with a dead cockroach.

But she was far too somber. I unwrapped the tiny tissue square, and there in the middle, lay a small white tooth.

What? Where were the hysterics? The loud languishing moans of pain for the certain death that a tooth extraction would bring? The blood spattered reams of Puffs laying about the bathroom?

Quite out of character, there before me stood an nearly 9 year old, calmly holding out a recently pulled and rinsed baby tooth in a square of Charmin.

I supposed she was becoming an old pro at this tooth losing business, when she went into the kitchen, pulled out a baggy, deposited the incisor inside, then labeled and dated her own baby tooth.

Then last night, long after I tucked her into bed with her beloved Puppy Dawg and accompanying yellow thread bare blanket, I went to reach under her pillow to retrieve the baggied tooth.

It wasn’t there.

I performed a quick search of the house to see where she might have stashed the tooth. I found it on top of my “in box.”

My “in box” is a painted wooden bowl in the kitchen where all incoming receipts and bills to be paid are placed.

I guess she is just cutting out the middle man.

I considered leaving her a check on the counter.

But instead, fished out a crisp one dollar bill, and slipped it under the pillow which held her sleeping curly head.

The toothfairy will not go quietly.

Like many other Americans in this sluggish economy, I’m hanging onto my job by my badly chipped fingernails.

16 Responses to The Position of Toothfairy Has Been Downsized

  • Sneeerrrrkkk…

    Crack Me Up about her bagging and labeling her own tooth. I CAN ONLY DREAM of that day.

    My eldest just started losing teeth, and I’m already counting down until we’re done.

    57 teeth to go.

  • I’m on my third child losing teeth, and I’ve all but given up on the tooth fairy. Alex has lost three teeth, and he already knows who gives him the money. By the time Owen starts losing teeth, I’m afraid there will be no magic left. Poor deprived child.

  • Just this morning my almost-seven-year-old son out of the blue, “I know that you’re really the tooth fairy.” No warning, whatsoever. I could only respond with, “I have no idea what your’re talking about,” and then turned aways so he couldn’t see me smile.

    It did break my heart just a little bit, though . .

  • When my seven year old lost his last tooth he handed it to his dad and said, ” I know you are the daddy fairy so can I just have my money now?”

    I feel your pain.

  • Wow, my almost-9yo still believes fervently. Then again, I think she doth protest too much, and just wants to hang on to the fantasy.

    She’s also the responsible one. If she thinks she’s SUPPOSED to believe, then doggone it, she will.

    The 11yo figured out the TF when he figured out Santa two Christmases ago. So far he’s kept the secret from his sisters.

  • Thanks for making me smile this morning! We all need a little job security. 🙂

  • They do grow up too fast. Enjoy each moment.

  • She put it in your “in box”? That is quite possibly the most hilarous thing I’ve ever heard! 🙂 I know what you’re thinking, “ma’am, you need to get out more!”

  • Yeah, bagging and labeling HER OWN tooth had me laughing as well. Type A?? 🙂

  • My almost 9 year old boy still has no idea about the tooth fairy or Santa. I will treasure this innocence until some idiot kid dispels it for him. Treasure it, DeeDee. Treasure it more than anything!

  • Is this a Detective in the making? LOL! I loved that she put it in your inbox. That is too funny!

  • Awww. Don’t you hate it when your children start to grow up. Well, I would share my Santa story, but it would take too much space. I should however consider sharing it on our blog someday.

  • That is so funny!! Not only did she bag and label it, but she put it in your in box–laughing so hard, my sides hurt.

  • That’s cute. My 7yo lost her tooth at school and it didn’t make it home so she left a note under her pillow to please leave something or I’ll have to ask my mom to buy me something.

  • What I love most is that you haven’t succumbed to the Tooth Fairy pressure to give MORE than one dollar. My sister (who, granted, makes more money than I’ll ever see), gives her daughter TWENTY BUCKS for a lost tooth. We try not to let our kids interact with their cousin too often. I don’t want my kids to realize we’re cheap until I tell them myself.