Not long after Fiddledaddy moved me to Hurricane Alley, Florida, I had a recurrent dream that haunted me. I dreamed that a tornado was eminent, and my only concern was saving my appliances.
This was before we had children, of course.
Now the children would be my priority. Right after the coffee maker.
And interestingly, the same weekend that we moved into our newly built house, a hurricane was due to strike. A hurricane of such magnitude that even the alligators were packing their bags and leaving the state.
I was great with my first child, and although I wanted to stay and protect my brand new appliances, Fiddledaddy evacuated us further inland. Fortunately, Floyd took a last minute turn, and our home and appliances were spared.
Then, in 2004, I was again huge with child. This time it was Jensen. (The boy child, not the hurricane.) And we were pummeled by not one, but two hurricanes. Two weeks apart. This time we stayed, because evacuating would mean spending 8 hours stuck in traffic. With no rest stop in sight. And with two young children, and a pregnant wife who already has bladder issues, it was decided we would hunker down, and brave the storm.
Again, the appliances and my growing family were spared.
Now, after we’ve been in our house for nearly 10 years, my precious appliances are all dying off. One by one. First it was the dryer. Which in truth, was murdered. When it began to sound like it was powered by a rodent on a wheel, someone (who shall remain nameless) thought he would save a couple of dollars and repair it himself. A can of WD-40 later, the squeak was indeed gone, but the smoke and stench that came pouring forth was a cause for concern.
Enter a new dryer.
Then the dishwasher began retaining water. I had little sympathy. GET IN LINE. And since I’ve hated that dishwasher that sounds like a 747 taking off out of my kitchen every night, I said GOOD RIDDANCE.
Enter a new and improved dishwasher. Which receives a standing ovation from me every morning when I open it to retrieve my extra large coffee mug from the top shelf. Because that’s where it fits. An extra large Disney coffee mug should never be relegated to the bottom shelf just because it’s too large. That was just wrong.
Then, last weekend, the washing machine stopped agitating. For no good reason. Which agitated me. Because the thought of going to the laundry mat with 3 rambunctious children, 35 loads of laundry, and one enormous tension headache was enough to send me away to a nice padded cell for a little R&R.
I was none to crazy about a visit to Lowes with 3 children either.
Fiddledaddy, who is far more progressive than I, suggested that I order a washing machine on-line.
I’ll pause to let that sink in.
Order a major appliance on-line. Without ever seeing it? Or kicking the tires? Unheard of.
But, as he pointed out, I knew all the features that I was looking for, the size, and even the brand. So, on Monday, after agonizing online for about, oh, two minutes, I pressed “add to cart.”
Tuesday morning, I was awakened by Emme who stage whispered, “MOM, Lowes just called, and they are delivering the washing machine at 9:21.”
“Um, I think that’s what he said.”
I called Lowes to ascertain whether this was 9:21 the time, or 9-21, the date. While they were uncertain about the time, they told me that the deliveries had already left, and I was scheduled to receive the washing machine that day.
The truck pulled up at 9:21. With my beautiful new washing machine. And people, washing machines have come a long way in the last 10 years. This one has a feature called “hydrowave” which gently massages my clothes clean.
I’m considering climbing into the thing, to see if the new washing machine will double as a jacuzzi.
Which come to think of it, may be just the appliance I really need. Since hurricane season is already upon us, that may be the best way to relieve all the stress and worry.
And get clean at the same time.
Brilliant. The patent is pending, y’all.