Apparently, I’m Incontinent

Long after the children had blissfully fallen off to sleep, I sat down at my computer and was catching up on my blog reading. I finally got over to 5 Minutes for Mom, and was watching the hoopty ploopty interviews they put together featuring some bloggers from BlogHer. Very impressive. Totally enjoyable. If you haven’t checked it out, you should.

Fiddledaddy wandered through, and asked me what I was doing. I told him about the interviews, as I was closing my computer down. I began my nightly coffee making ritual, so that in the early morning hours, I need only to punch a button so that coffee will magically appear.

And Fiddledaddy asked me, “So, how do you think you would do in one of those interviews.”

Without hesitating, I answered, “Oh, I would totally s..” Before I could finish my thought, he launched into a one-woman show starring me, with a ‘worse that could happen’ take on me being interviewed. Live.

No one does a better impression of me than my husband. Not even me.

Well. I’d love to recount verbatim his dialogue, but I’d like to keep this a family friendly blog.

People. I peed on my kitchen floor. While holding the coffee pot, suspended in midair. And that only made me laugh harder. Making the predicament much much worse.

Okay. You weary moms of small children. Let me see a show of hands. We wait far too long to go to the bathroom. Often with disastrous results. Am I right?

I mean, I will wait for HOURS because I often have an entourage attempting to follow me into the bathroom. Or if I manage to sneak away, leaving the children to their own devices, I fear the house will be ablaze when I emerge from the facilities.

So, I just don’t go. Ever.

And it’s gotten to be a really unfortunate habit.

Since impromptu peeing seems to be a theme with me this week, do you have any Depends Moments you’d like to share? C’mon, it’ll be fun. We’ll call it Tinkle Time.

August 6, 2008

35 Responses to Apparently, I’m Incontinent

  • Oh, so it’s just a MOM thing? Thank goodness, cause in my case I thought it was ahem…a fat thing, or an old thing.

    What a relief.

    Okay, so there was this one time? When I had bronchitis? And I was coughing a really lot? I had to take one of my girls to the eye doctor, way across two towns, and afterwards stopped at my Mom’s house just to use her restroom.

    I almost made it. Instead I had to dig a piece of cardboard out of the trashcan to sit on.

    And let’s just say I keep the Stayfree company in business with my Mom-ness.

  • In eighth grade. On a fieldtrip…a ferryboat trip to Canada…a several hour boat trip. Me, with my T-shirt that read “If it weren’t for boys, I’d quit school”, laughed way too hard at something my girlfriends were giggling about. I’ve never lived it down.

  • Uhm. I’m 37 weeks pregnant. Need I say more?

  • Peed on the floor in a drug store trying to buy baby supplies. Walked out like nothing happened. LOL.

  • Peed myself in a Kmart. Superman had to walk directly behind me as we quickly exited the building.

  • I am 8 months pregnant and I have a cough. I pretty much don’t leave the house.

  • Sneezing 20 times in a row. On the way to the bathroom. Have to stop and cross legs.

  • Well, in my condition I can not wait to go potty, but that also means I *can* go at anytime. If only my hubby could make me laugh that hard. And oh, I’m going to see what I can do about getting you interviewed on camera afterall… I’m sure it would be a treat!

    Steph

  • Wait til you get to be 45. Sneezing will do it for you.

  • When I was in 6th grade, a girl in our class asked to go to the bathroom right after lunch. The teacher wouldn’t let her. a few minutes later, there was this gush of water from her desk. And I was dumb enough not to know what had happened. I raised my hand and said, “Mrs. Miller, there’s water coming out of K’s desk.”
    K picked up on this and acted surprised. She put her hands up in the air in question. “I didn’t do anything.”

    She was excused. and I didn’t figure it out for weeks what had happened. Or why nobody wanted the pee desk.

  • After my second baby, I got certified to teach aerobics.

    During my first class, I learned the hard way that my bladder would now need to be empty before I ever climbed on stage. Because that bouncing? Not a good thing when the cork is loose.

  • That may have happened to me once. I seem to remember a public bathroom, screaming baby, blowout diaper, my pants hanging over a hand dryer.

    It was lovely. Full story at http://parkerfamilytx.blogspot.com/2007/12/flashback-1.html if interested.

    Lovin’ your blog, DeeDee. Thanks for keeping it real!

  • Let’s just say from now on I have to pee before s*x. Talk about a show stopper! Who knew peeing on your spouse would ruin the mood? 🙂

    He doesn’t complain at the amount of absorbet materials I purchase. There is just no way I got the bladder control so rather than a daily soaking I’ll stick to my love affair of all things absorbent.

  • I was at my younger, cuter, totally adorable sister-in-law-to-be’s bachelorette party with all of her younger, cuter, totally adorable friends and we were all drinking (quite heavily) and someone made me laugh. And I peed. EVERYWHERE. We had to get bath towels and clean it up. And then mop. And then I had to change my clothes and go home. And then I died. The end.

  • I only hold it when we’re out in public. Because I ABHOR public bathrooms. I’m a germaphobe when it comes to public bathrooms. So are my children now, thanks to me. I have them flushing with their feet and covering EVERYTHING with paper before they touch it. I ALMOST considered peeing into a diaper on one trip because I wasn’t sure I would make it home, and I sure as heck wasn’t going to pee in a public potty. Thankfully, I made it!

    Regarding your fear of squatting and peeing–that doesn’t bother me. I guess because I grew up in Africa and was always squatting and going (not that we didn’t have indoor plumbing, but there were not many public bathrooms).

    I’d make a good candidate for some kind of therapist of that I’m quite sure.

  • Somehow, I knew that y’all would not disappoint me. 🙂

  • Oh, yeah. It’s not just you young mommies. We middle-aged ones have the same issue. I had a really bad cough last winter, went to the kitchen for a drink of water and peed as I coughed my lungs out at the sink. Lovely.

  • Yes, yes and…oh, yes. In addition to laughing, a fit of coughing or sneezing finds me with a ticket for the incontinence train. Using the facilities is low on the list of to-do’s so I’m holding… holding…holding…so this is a bad thing?

  • I have to admit I hold it in WAY TOO LONG for the very reasons you mentioned. On more than one occasion I have peed myself sneezing, laughing, coughing too hard, or just not making in time.

    Reading your blog entry just now would be reason number 4, 327 NOT to hold it in.

    I am off to the shower and to change clothes now. Thank you. 🙂

  • The last time that happened to me was on a girls only weekend trip. A friend related a story that included premarital sex, a used condom stuck to the outside of the car door and a trip to the local hamburger hangout with her waving at everyone like she was the queen of the parish until her fiancee discovered the condom on the way back into the car with their shakes. There were no Depends then only panti liners…thank God for panti liners!

  • Shopping cart full of groceries…had to leave them outside the potty, which I didn’t make it to in time.

  • once i went to the movies and afterwards figured i would just wait to get home, while in the car i realized i had no gas and had to stop. when i began pumping gas i was doing the i have to go potty dance and i peed right there at the texaco!

  • After reading all of these and getting a good laugh, it’s only fair that I share mine.

    We’d been married about 6 months and I had a terrible nightmare. Apparently, I didn’t empty my bladder before bed. In my dream, I was so terrified that I started to pee. Suddenly, I realized with a start that I actually was peeing our bed with my brand new husband right next to me! I was horrified and scrambled out as quick as I could, trying to hold as much in as possible, but trickled all the way to the bathroom. I hadn’t done anything like that since my toddler days and the whole experience was just mortifying.

  • About a month ago my friend received an email from IKEA telling her that they could not provide the kitchen cabinets that she was requesting, and they were very sorry for any incontinence this may cause her. Well, being the vocabulary vixen that she is… it nearly did!

  • Oh, I don’t have a pee story, but I DO have a husband who is Just Like That. He does the best impressions of Dorky Me. Gets me howling every time

  • Oh yes, my children think the reason I can’t jump more than five times on their trampoline is because I’m out of shape… when in reality, I just have to run to the bathroom! I’d rather they think I’m out of shape than incontinent!

  • wait till you are fifty ! you will wet your pants just walking around in the kitchen for no good reason..It’s called too many children and hard on the bladder !

  • third grade me full of red punch, movie night at church, stern lady teacher, puddle on the floor, flight to bathroom, wet car seat home, the end.

  • Let’s just say someone left it too long on her morning commute into work one day – tanked up with a Venti Breakfast Blend from tarbucksay and she might have had to pull frantically into the Golden Arches parking lot. There was probably some whimpering and gnashing of teeth going on – along with some hurried promises to just get her through this and she’d never drink java again as long as she lived.

    Quickly coming to the conclusion that the GA restroom facilities were just too far and all it would take was a sneeze or mini-cough and the flood gates would open, she turned to her 1/4 filled Venti cup.

    It was JUST big enough. She might have mooned the person in the car next door – there was no time to find a secluded spot.

  • Should add that 1/4 filled Venti cup was hurriedly dumped out the door before use – so it could be filled up 100%. Never. again.

  • After birthing my own three children, my bladder has seen better days and now, some aerobic exercises are off-limits. The worst was one time I was at my sister’s house for her son’s birthday party and they had just gotten a new trampoline. I was dared to jump on it (stinkin’ siblings that can push each other’s buttons), which I did, against my better judgement. I managed to not soak the trampoline and no one knew, but they might have wondered why I went walking briskly inside after two jumps. There’s no way I was going to break out in a run – that would have opened the floodgates for sure! Good thing I kept a change of clothes in my car for me and the kids! And now I hope no one I know reads this!

  • I was in the third grade, standing at the chalkboard doing math problems. I knew I had to go REALLY bad, but my teacher was kinda mean, and I didn’t want to ask to go. By the time I finally got up the courage to ask her, I peed myself right there in front of the whole class (3rd/4th graders combined). I was forced to wear some UGLY red corduroy pants until lunch when I could go home to change. Horrible. When I went home to change at lunch, my great grandmother was there babysitting my brother and she laughed at me. I remember that like it was yesterday.

    I may have a couple other tales similar to the above comments, but I’ve shared enough embarrassment for one day. 😉

  • LOL Your story is way better than mine. I gave birth to my 2 year old (this is 2 years ago). I went to church two weekes later and sneezed and it ALL let loose. I had to get up and walk out and cover myself so no one would see. I did NOT come back in , I was too wet. YUCK and LOL
    Joy

  • I don’t have such a funny story about peeing, lol. I leak, but so far that is it, lol. Just leak, for no reason. Not laughing or sneezing.
    Could be the lack of pelvic floor muscles after 7 kids.

  • I was in second grade and I didn’t stop for a potty break because I wanted the rare, red beanbag for DEAR. After everyone was settled, I of course had the urge to pee. My teacher had a rule, anyone that asked to go to the bathroom during DEAR would get their card flipped. (Its kinda like a demerit) Being the goody good I was, I refused to ask. Before I knew it, I peed all over the plastic chair I was sitting in (I didn’t get the bean bag) and onto the floor.