Keeping it real

In the interest of full disclosure, after the hideous Eucerin incident on Tuesday, there was another unfortunate occurrence later that evening.

I keep all of Jensen’s lotions on the nose bleed section of his bookshelf, as you well know. Not that that keeps him from getting at them, but it will slow him slightly.

On Tuesday night, I put the box, containing various lotions, Desitin, and coconut oil on his changing table for the after-bath-grease-him-down-like-a-pig nightly event. It’s sort of like the rodeo, but without the benefit of cotton candy.

Fiddledaddy released him into the wild without my noticing. Which tells you I may have been face down on the linoleum. Young Jensen discovered the jar of coconut oil. And lubricated the carpeting with it. The same carpeting that had been saturated with Eucerin earlier in the day.

Something tells me that we need to rip out the carpet in his room, and install a drain.

Now, when my feet are feeling a little cracked and dry, I head to Jensen’s room and grind them into the carpeting. It acts as both a callous remover and foot lubricant. If only I could market it.

I’m just practical like that.

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Interestingly, a parenting website just wrote a review on Fiddledeedee. I was a little afraid to look. If I were a new parent, or thinking about becoming a parent, and I were to read my blog, well, I would seriously consider eating my young.

Lots of species do it.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that The Parents Overnight Blog gave Fiddledeedee a very very nice review. And it made me smile. Go check this site out. They are posting some really terrific articles on all facets of parenting.

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And lastly, thank you ever so much for your HILARIOUS comments this week. I really needed that. It’s been a rather trying week. You all have made me feel MUCH better about my own parenting foibles. It’s always good to know that I’m not alone in my sinking boat.

21 Responses to Keeping it real

  • At least it wasn’t your anti-wrinkle cream. Imagine having to wipe your face on his floor…

    I think it’s the full moon. Things always goes a little crazy with little beasts when that happens. 🙂

  • Well when you do rip out the carpet and install the drain you can cut the carpet into squares and bag it and viola….carpet pedi’s in a bag!

  • I have to share something with you (on the potty training session, really, but this is your latest post!). I work in a second hand book store. A young man who used to work for us, but is now in the Navy, came in to see me today. He’s also a young man from my church, so he’s doubly special. I was telling him about my daughter’s almost boyfriend (long story for another time). I showed him that if I did a google image search for her name, the almost boyfriend’s picture comes up. He said, “I’ve never done a google image search on my name.” So I typed in his name and this is what came up: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/12501/potty_training_its_all_in_the_timing.html?cat=25. The toidy pictured is on the Naval base in Pensacola, FL. As we scrolled through the article, we came upon this title: Potty Training: Eight Simple Tips for a Royal Flush. I am sorry , but this is too dang funny. We nearly split a gut on this one. Just thought I’d share–I’m like that.

  • I quote Annie, the housekeeper in “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “That’s why all children should be girls!” =)

  • OK.

    So, do I just have the only set of perfect children in the world?

    Must be.

    Too bad for you.

  • **Dateline: somewhere in an empty house in AZ- A housewife was suddenly struck by lightning and reduced to a pile of ashes today. No known cause has yet been determined as the skies were perfectly clear. However, investigators say she was found in front of her computer screen. More details to follow as they become available.

  • Okay, if these stories really make you feel better, then I’ve got one.

    In the interests of protecting the young, I’m logging in anonymously to report that my son kissed the potty seat after he finished watching the water swirl down. I am planning to totally skip the joys of wrangling kids in the public restrooms until I can trust him not to kiss or touch anything.

    But I also feel better to know that I’m not the only parent pulling little hands and heads out of the potty.

  • YES! This is what I’m saying! Y’all are just a bunch of fruitloops. Just like me.

    BWAHAAHHHAAAHHAAAAHA. (maniacal laughter)

  • OK, maybe you could eat your young, but only if you like the taste of coconut.

    ;>)

  • Okay, that last comment was hilarious.

    So at least his bedroom has that tropical aroma. Maybe just spill some pineapple juice and pretend it’s a pina colada. Oh wait, don’t forget the rum.

  • “IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS!
    …and gettin’ caught in the rain!

    Just go to the House of Fiddle…
    …and hang with Jensen tonight!”

    Sorry. That was pathetic and sad in so many ways…but I couldn’t help it. I read this post & comments to my hubby, who immediately burst into song, and the rest just flowed from my tired brain.

    And no, you’re not alone…my two year-old girl has been notorious for “pwashing” in the potty while laughing riotously. Also while my oldest son was…pee-ing. Ummm…yeah. Girls aren’t always better.

  • Girl, after your week I keep expecting to see the title – num num – Jenson with a side of fava beans and a nice chianti. 😉

  • I don’t know, something must be wrong with my head, because the more I read your stories, the more excited I get that I’m adopting.

    Though my favorite “lolcat” is: Ur so sweeet <3 NOM NOM NOM! So, maybe I will end up eating my kids, but because they’re so adorable:
    http://icanhascheezburger.com/2008/01/23/funny-pictures-ur-so-sweet-nom-nom/

    ~Luke

  • I laughed hysterically at the thought of ripping out the carpet in Jensen’s room and installing a drain. I think you’re on to something there.

  • LOL! Thank you so much for your candid writings of your life as a parent. It’s nice to know that I am not the only mama with similar struggles and lotion tragedies. I so love reading your blog. I almost lost it while reading about the drain. Great idea. I really don’t like hardwood floors for myself (I think they are beautiful, I just never wanted them), the longer I have children the more I see the genius behind hardwood floors.

    Keep laughing and writing.

  • Love your blog! Hilarious, is it okay that I’m laughing at you…with you I mean…with you!

  • Maybe you should put some carpet cleaner on that top shelf, and let Jensen finish the job.

    (You seriously do have the funniest commenters in the blogosphere. Funny breeds funny. That’s what I always say.) (Well, not really. But it sounds better that way.)

  • Congrats on the review and new venue for writing at the blog. I’m getting all caught up here again. Save the carpet because when Jensen is older and practicing his basketball pivots, his slippery carpet will give him crazy-mad pivoting skill practice.

  • Can I come over and rub my feet into your carpet? They are looking a little cracked and I’m having carpet envy…

    smiles!

  • You are hilarious and I always stop over for a bit of comic relief. There’s always a good story here. 🙂