I had the children fed and settled in front of a beloved television show today. So that I might have a few moments of peace and quiet to be able to listen to the first live broadcast of Blog Talk Radio. One of my favorite blogging people, Shannon, of Rocks in My Dryer was being interviewed. I’ve met Shannon in real life. So, she’s not just one of my pretend friends. I just heart her.
At the appointed time, I climbed up on my barstool, with my laptop on the kitchen counter. I reasoned, that I had all 3 children within earshot, and I could shoot an icy cold glare over the counter if they needed correcting. There was peace in the valley.
Shannon’s interview was just wonderful. And y’all. There was blog chatting in the chat room that accompanied the interview.
I think I’m the last person in the free world who has never chatted in a chat room. Even technical difficulties didn’t dampen our fun and frivolity. There was even a little Ethel Merman rendition, courtesy of Karen, who was hosting part of the interview. The part with the technical difficulties. She said she would deny ever doing it. But, there were witnesses, my friend. Yes, there were witnesses.
I coined a new blog catch phrase. Whenever show tunes enter the blogging fray, you’ve just found yourself on Blogway.
I’ll be here all week.
As things began to wind down, I did my perfunctory check of the children. “Where’s Jensen?” Emme looks up at me, “Um. I dunno.”
What can happen. I have baby gates stationed at strategic check points. Door knobs wear baby knob protectors. (That really, only children can maneuver.) Anything spillable is way way up high. Poison control is on speed dial.
A very guilty, “Whaat?” followed.
I look in his room to see him holding a brand new bottle of Eucerin lotion. The really big bottle. The one that costs over $11.00. He had a dollop on his nose. And used it as a hair gel.
PLEASE TELL ME HE IS NOT EATING THE LOTION AGAIN.
If you’ll recall, long ago, the boy was addicted to Neutrogena Lotion. After intensive therapy, and a trip to the Elizabeth Arden Clinic for a little rehab, I thought he was cured of this annoying habit.
As it turned out, he hadn’t ingested the Eucerin. Instead, he used it as an expensive lubricant for all of the Barbie Car wheels, the air purifier, and most importantly, the cheap shag carpet.
Quickly, oh so quickly, I excused myself from the chat and began the clean up. I went through a box of Q-tips, and a half a bottle of Excedrin cleaning lotion out of each little tiny grate of the air purifier.
Evidently, I birthed a monkey. He had pulled his rocking chair over to his bookshelf, and climbed up to reach the forbidden booty which was stashed ON TOP. Please note that the bookshelf is bolted to the wall. Just so you know that I’m not a complete imbecile.
He had to have accomplished this act in record time, because he could not have been out of my sight for more than a couple of minutes. A popular phrase often coined by stupid parents interviewed on the news.
I understand there is to be another blog interview next week. I can’t wait.
I will be making good use of the duct tape.
TO TAPE UP THE LOTION. People. What were you thinking!
On the bright side, those Barbie car wheels have never been more quiet! And Jensen’s hair has never been more manageable. He may be onto something.