Our 4th of July celebration was marked by the Pestilence making a return visit. Emme was the first to fall. When her aunt called to check on her, I reported, “She’s making out her will.” Thankfully, I was spared, and could thereby care for my family. I served jell-o, Triaminic, and tissues, all with a smile.
Jensen was especially stricken, and I carried a supply of Puffs just for his tender nose, in my bra strap. And because I’m lightning fast with a tissue, what with them being so handy and all, most of the furniture and siblings were saved from Jensen’s constant nasal secretions.
In fact, during a middle of the night rendezvous, as I was attempting to rock the boy child back to sleep, his hand darted into my pajama top, to no avail. He looked up at me with red, watery eyes, “I need a tiss-you, mama.”
On the 4th, after being housebound for what felt like 20 years, I ventured out with my girls. The last and only craft store in our area is closing, and we went to pay homage and purchase $21.00 worth of useless crap that we would have never bought had the store not been closing.
What is it about the closing of a beloved store that makes us want to throw money at it? As though it were one last gesture of gratitude for having served us so well. From now on, my craft store needs will have to be met by Wal•Mart. And I am none too happy about that.
Anyhoo. We ended up at the Pet Store. Because I can’t get enough of the begging to buy a pet, mom, ANY PET. EVERYONE HAS A PET, MOM. EXCEPT US.
And since I hardly ever succumb to whining, we bought 5 new fish. On sale. By days end, though, we were down to 4 1/2. And the rest of the tank wasn’t hungry for the Fish Flakes.
That’s all that needs to be said.
But you know, I can’t let it rest there.
In an attempt to avoid all the drama of a fish funeral, for half a fish, I disposed of the remains in the bushes, outside of our front door. So the untimely death would be unnoticed for a day or two. I reasoned that because the size of the remains was rather small, there shouldn’t be a detectable stench.
Besides, no one can smell anything around here anyway. Thanks to the pestilence.
However, I didn’t take into account that the neighbor cat, Road Kill, has heightened olfactory senses. And was inexplicably hanging out around the front of our house. Tonight, I heard a horrible racket on the front porch, and peeked out to see Road Kill catching a Blue Bird. On my front porch. I kid you not, the bird was screaming.
Now, I know the cat needs to eat, and all. But, I’m fond of birds. And I didn’t want to explain a half eaten bird (or fish, for that matter) to my rather high strung children. So, in my pajamas, I began banging on the door as I opened it, hissing, to scare off Road Kill. Yes, I hissed at a cat. The bird managed to escape, and the neighbors now know what I wear to bed. If they hadn’t avoided eye contact with me before, they most certainly will now.
And because I’m not completely heartless, I told Road Kill that there are some very tasty rodents residing on the side of the house. I even offered the use of the grill. We certainly weren’t using it. Bon appetite.
So. How was your 4th of July?
(BTW, everyone is feeling much better. And still, the unexplained fish death, has yet to be discovered. I should have gone into a life of crime. The way I can hide evidence, and all.)