I’m not a frequent flier. But I play one on my blog. The airport experience has undergone many changes in the last 10 years, or so. We all know and understand security changes. But frankly, I was at a loss as to what to expect. Today, as I waited in the long security line, (hoping to appear as housewifey as possible, so that my job as a covert undercover agent would remain undetected), I spent a good deal of time watching other passengers. So, that I could act more “passenger like” and not so much like the hick that I am.
I read up on the whole take your shoes off phenomenon. And I was prepared. The last time I flew, taking your shoes off was a random event. Never happening to me. And thank goodness. If you should ever see my feet, you would understand. My feet also double as rough calloused ugly hands.
I can peel a banana with my feet. If I had to. Just thought you’d like to file that factoid.
I have 8 toe nails, yet possess 10 toes. But, the two pinky toes on each foot have nonexistent nails, and to disguise that fact, they both curve underneath the neighboring toe. Like shy children.
And I have actually cut myself on my calloused heels. A very very long time ago, I wrote a post about using Crisco Vegetable Shortening as a foot cream. Which works just wonderfully, but I’ve been ignoring my feet far too long. Not even the lard can help me now.
This week, in order to prepare for the inevitable public viewing of my feet, I purchased the Ped-Egg. True to its name, it is shaped like an egg, but inside, is a cheese grater that will rid your feet of unwanted calluses, and capture the dead feet droppings inside.
I had never witnessed the dead feet droppings that my feet produced in one small area before. It was enough to keep me from EVER filing my feet wily nily, allowing the sloughed off skin to fall to the floor. Or on my bed sheets.
Which drives my husband INSANE. And rightfully so.
Anyhoo. My feet are now baby smooth. However, I have discovered, that one can go too far and over grate the feet. Leaving them angry and sore.
Leading me therefore to believe that beauty really is skin deep.
I also broke out the nail polish to give my 8 toe nails a coat of Primrose Pink. Primrose Pink is no longer in the Loreal collection, as it was retired about 6 1/2 years ago. Which was the last time I polished my toe nails. To prepare for the birth of Cailey. Like anyone in the delivery room took notice of my feet.
I even added a dollop of paint to the two pinky toes, to give the appearance of an actual nail. It was not unlike attempting to paint in an eyebrow, because of a waxing job gone awry.
If you stood way back and squinted, my feet looked pretty good. When my turn came at the security point, I proudly kicked off my Crocs, and placed them in a bin so they could be x-rayed for contraband.
And I passed inspection.
Looking every bit the hick that I am.
And it occurs to me right now that I’m heading to a conference on how best to fine tune my blogging voice. And hone my writing skills.
And I just wrote an entire post about my feet.
I’d better run, not walk to this conference. If my feet will allow me.