Traveling Lady

In November of 2006, a good friend of ours, Lisa Cauble (you know her as Lisa Whelchel), asked me to come with her to Nashville to participate in a DVD Bible study, called My Story.

Lisa knew that I had once upon a time supported myself as an actress. And by “supported myself” I mean that I ate mostly cake mix and chicken flavored stovetop stuffing and called it dinner.

And I wonder why my metabolism is so very uncooperative lately.

She assumed that I would be comfortable in front of the camera, (even though it had been over 15 years.) And she forgot about my propensity to say inappropriate things when nervous. I didn’t, mind you, but I could have.

I jumped at the chance to go. Two whole days without changing a single diaper. That was appealing. And getting to hang out with Lisa and a bunch of other really fun women. Well. That was just gravy on my proverbial stovetop stuffing.

After the filming, I wrote a little post about the adventure. But, I left out the part about what was going on inside of my head. And heart.

After we arrived at the hotel, I was walking down a quiet corridor toward my room, and inexplicably, tears began shooting from my eyes.

I felt so out of place, so out of my element, and so inadequate. I knew in my heart that these were lies being whispered to me by an enemy, but I couldn’t stop the thoughts. And I prayed, “Oh Lord, please get me through this without embarrassing anyone.” When I got to my room, I looked out the window at the beautiful fall foliage (we don’t have fall foliage here in Retirement, Florida) and there, below the window was an old cemetery.

Perfect.

Right about then, I developed a migraine that remained with me for the next two days. The kind of migraine that makes you want to take an ice pick to your inner ear, because that would surely be a less painful way to end it all.

Everyone was lovely, and the two days of taping went smoothly. I didn’t even say any bad words on camera. Or off, for that matter. And when I realized that God was not going to answer my prayer and take me up to heaven the migraine away, I began to pray that He would just hold me upright.

And hold me up He did. I made it through. I still haven’t been able to watch myself on the DVD, but friends of mine have, and they are still speaking to me. Which is always a good sign.

All of this has come up again, because in a few days I leave for She Speaks. Old insecurities have resurfaced. And because God knows exactly what I need to hear, I received an e-mail from Amy Carroll of Proverbs 31 Ministries address to all of the attendees. What an encouragement. She talked about her first time attending, her fears, and how blessed she was by the experience. Words I needed to hear.

As women, I think we all suffer from self-doubt at some time in our lives. Even the women we most look up to and admire are dealing with their own issues. Even Beth Moore has admitted this. Something I find oh so very comforting. (No, I’ve never met her, I just stalk her website and LOVE her teaching.) Our insecurities I suppose are what make us vulnerable, and more transparent with one another.

I am beginning to get really excited about this coming weekend, and what God will be teaching me. I look forward to meeting other writers who share a passion about ministry work, and women bloggers who are so very encouraging and inspiring. Those kindred spirits who sit behind a keyboard and pour out their heart most every day. All with a sense of humor and Godly diplomacy.

You can bet that I’m packing my extra-strength Excedrin, and trusty ice pack for my head. Although, the cobalt blue ice pack doesn’t quite coordinate with the “business casual” look that I’m shooting for. My family hardly ever notices the ice pack perched on my head (it’s there right now) anymore, so maybe, the other attendees won’t notice either. Or, at least be polite enough not to point and stare. Or snicker.

Thank you all for listening to me. And for allowing me a forum to air my laundry. It is always such a comfort to me to know that I’m not alone in my insanity. 🙂

I can never tell you often enough how much you all mean to me.

June 17, 2008

23 Responses to Traveling Lady

  • Have a wonderful time!!

    mary

  • Might I suggest stitching a little color coordinated ice pack cover to match your outfit?

    Or hide it in a cute little beret?

    I’m sorry. Please forgive my attempt at humor. It is 3AM and I am short on sleep. (Sick child.)

    Seriously, I know you will be great. I love your blog. If your are a fraction as entertaining in person, you will be an absolute hit.

  • ((((((((Hugs))))))))))

    I will be keeping you in prayer. I know that God will use you to help someone there. I sure wish I could be there, but I will be thinking of you. 🙂 God bless you.

  • I know God is going to give you the strength you need. You are amazing! God is putting you in this place for a reason. Some one may be feeling just like you and you will be the encouragement they need to proceed with their dream. Don’t forget your dream while you are there. You never know when God will just show up and make his vision for you very clear. Good luck and have fun!

  • I know it is not the same, but the Lord did a number on my heart when I interviewed Lisa (and BTW let me tell you she was one of the sweetest people I have ever talked to). But my fear, my unworthiness, my ‘what the heck did I get myself into, you are a joke’ attitude was in full force!

    Fear, I never felt it so much. It really had nothing to do with Lisa, but had to do with my ability to take the first step into the water knowing God is going to carry me (instead of me sinking).

    If I am truly honest I think I am still struggling with it. Girl what I have learned is after the first step, YOU FLY instead of sink! YOU GIVE GOD GLORY, because you know it was not your own doing. AND YOU ARE ON FIRE, because the Holy Spirit is shining through you.

    Go take the first step.

  • How about I promise not to notice the blue ice pack if you promise not to notice that my hair is currently 4 different colors? Since I canceled my publisher interviews, I decided that now would be a fabulous time to let my gray come in. Now *that’s* a confidence builder 🙂

  • You are such an inspiration to us all here…and in such a fun and assuming way. You’ll do GREAT! Among all those other wonderful ladies is right where you belong! And, hey, you might start a new fad. You could start a whole line of DeeDee’s Cobalt Blue Accessories!

  • Knowing Beth Moore has “moments” always helps me too! You’d sure think someone like her could go through life without a hitch – seeing as how she’s – like- got the direct line to God and all! lol! I’ll keep you in my prayers – but I bet God’s got big plans for you and it’s gonna be really cool! God Bless, DeeDee!

  • You will do great! 🙂

  • This was a blessing to me. Though my forays have been on a much smaller scale, I have experienced similar insecurities — and physical problems that complicated matters! I know these things cause us to throw ourselves on the mercy and grace of God so much more — and then His glory shines so much the brighter because we know anything good that comes of it is from Him.

  • One of the things I love about you is that you keep it real – the good, the bad, and the ugly. No matter how bad YOU think it goes, I know it will be great. So wish I could be there!
    Have a great time. And take pictures with your twin! 😉

  • Wish I could be there. :>(

  • Well, I still say that I would have been one of the first to ask to sit by you because I think you’re so amiable and real. (Well and because I know that I would have a fellow reveller and instigator in the shorting of the sheets.) Word to the wise: Leave your tights at home. I’m just sayin’…

    You’ll have a lovely time and then come back and tell us about how your fears were unfounded. As I told Peach, fear is just False Evidence Appearing Real. It’s not real. It’s just satan’s way of trying to hold you back from God’s goodness.

    Go enjoy that goodness feast until you’re stuffed! (But bring home some leftovers to share with us.)

  • My very anointed preacher of a husband will preach a fantastic sermon, only to whisper to me, “That was awful, wasn’t it?” He has finally come to believe me when I tell him, “Honey that was one of the best sermon’s I’ve ever heard!”
    Just remember, the devil is a liar, and the truth is not in him!!

  • You said you’re packing an ice pack.

    For some reason, I read ice pick.

    Either is believable with you. 🙂

    Thanks for being funny, being honest, being authentic. You’ll knock ’em dead at She Speaks. You’re the real deal, DeeDee.

  • Just be yourself! You will do great! Can’t wait to hear updates!

    And I will say a prayer for you. . .

    Blessings, Laurie in TN

  • I loved this post because I relate to it so much. Make sure you pack some Excedrin for me and perhaps a tranquilizer.

  • I love this post- and LOVE your blog.
    I have chronic migraines and struggle with the “ice pick” almost daily…so I totally know how it is to have God holding you up when you are praying to die! (And we’re not kidding!) I am going to say a special prayer that you will be migraine-free this weekend!
    Have a wonderful time!

  • What?! No self portrait with ice pack accessories? I guess I was hoping for another one of those pantyhose -over-the-head kind of pictures. Ah well, next time.

    Keepin ya in my prayers.

  • Oh, honey. Oh, HONEY. Just come sit by me. We can revel in our self-doubt together.

  • that’s going to be so much fun. wish i could be there.

  • Dee Dee – I’m so excited for you. Even if you have to walk around with the ice pack on your head, it’s going to be a great weekend.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who needs an ice pack that matches my business casual! 🙂

  • I will see you at She Speaks. I think all our knees will be knocking together!