In posts past, Jensen would offer much blog fodder after trips to the grocery store. Where his incessant screaming drew disapproving stares of anyone within earshot.
The screaming has since ceased. Turns out, it wasn’t so much a personality disorder, as a product of his food allergies. Any enclosed space, filled with unfamiliar people, would cause him to scream from the moment we entered the automatic doors, until we made a hasty exit.
Which always made the shopping experience so much more enjoyable.
But, since dramatically altering his diet, Jensen screams no more. Instead, he has come up with a more creative means to keep himself entertained while shopping.
When you’re not busy screaming your head off, you notice that there are THINGS ON THE SHELVES! Brightly colored BREAKABLE things that you can reach for. And it’s so much fun to watch Mommy dive to catch that pretty jar of expensive pickles. And, if you’re really clever, you can throw your Blues Clues blanket to the left of the cart, while you snatch something on the right.
NOW THAT’S FUN!
Today, I had to take Jensen and Cailey with me to run a few errands. One such errand included stopping at the local deli slash meat market (as in they sell meat, not as in a pickup joint – thought I should clarify), to pick up hormone/gluten free turkey meat, and chicken breasts that were on sale. It’s a very small and popular deli. Frequented by the elderly population of our quant little town.
I knew that the stroller was out of the question. Even though he has outgrown said stroller, and can drag his feet on the ground to force me into a full and complete stop, I still attempt to strap him in when I’m desperate. That is, any time I have to shop with him.
So, I thought I’d go with the one miniature cart that the store offers for the one fortunate customer who can snag it. I was that customer today.
We made it through the crowded store mostly without incident, and I was able to check out after a rather lengthy wait.
Wanting to be polite, and leave the lone cart for some other sap with a toddler, I parked the cart near the wall, and reached into the basket to retrieve our bag. Unfortunately, I parked near the fire alarm. Which was an attractive bright red. So pretty in fact, that Jensen had no choice but to pull it down.
In slow motion, I saw out of the corner of my eye his chubby little hand pull the lever. I mouthed, “NOOOOOOO,” and dove over the cart to stop him. Too late. I tried to shove the handle back into it’s starting position, hoping for a “3 seconds to change your mind rule.” Nothing doing, it wouldn’t be forced back in.
Resignedly, I turned to the nearest cashier, and narked on my only boy child. “Excuse me, but my son just pulled the….”
The rest of my sentence was drowned out by the eardrum splitting alarm sound. Like something out of a science fiction movie. I could only assume that if smoke inhalation didn’t kill you, the decibels this thing was emitting would. Then the lights in the store began flashing wildly. I glanced around at the multitudes of patrons, all holding their ears, some falling to their knees. The more elderly of the crowd, hastily turned their hearing aids down. And they all looked in our direction. With very angry and judgmental eyes.
Above it all, I could hear Jensen yell, “THAT HURTS MINE EARS. THAT HURTS MINE EARS!”
Someone mercifully figured out how to disable the thing. After about 3 minutes. The longest 3 minutes of my life. I offered up one broad apology, and fled through the exit, before the fire department ascended. Certain to block all the patron’s cars parked outside.
The drive home was unusually quiet. Finally, Cailey calmly stated, “Well. (pregnant pause) That was embarrassing. I don’t think I’ll ever step foot inside that store again.”
I’m with you sister. Unless I dramatically alter my appearance, I won’t either. And besides, I’ve heard that vegetarianism is a very healthy lifestyle.