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Why the Tooth Fairy Should Drink

Cailey lost her first tooth today. And later in the day, her second. The two bottom teeth were finally evicted by the two impatient adult teeth emerging behind the baby teeth. The tooth fairy, frankly having had enough of the complaining, aided in the eviction as well. After the first of the two teeth was pulled, the remaining tooth moved over to the middle, giving her a snaggled smile. Only, there was no smiling. But instead, much complaining and wailing because she couldn’t eat anything.

Emme also had a bottom baby tooth which was ready to exit her already crowded gum line. In fact, it was so loose that it hung out of her mouth, even when her lips were closed. Giving her a rather rural appearance.

We have a tooth extraction rule here in the House of Fiddle that states clearly when the patient yells “OW!” the tooth puller must immediately cease with the pulling. Thusly, dragging out the tooth (or teeth) extraction much longer than is necessary.

This may not be a well known factoid, but “OW!” is just about the only thing you can audibly yell when someone has their hand in your mouth. Just ask my former orthodontist. Who now wears an athletic cup for good measure.

Frankly, I should be overjoyed that my children’s teeth are falling like rain. Because adult orthodontia is no fun at all. And I endured it only because I still had two baby eye teeth while I was firmly planted in my 40’s. And the adult teeth decided to make a late entrance. But the party was at full capacity, and there was no room.

In hindsight, my parents should have made good use of the pliers, and been done with it while I was still under their insurance.

Surgery followed. Then “chains” and braces. Upper and lower. Two cases of Extra-strength Tylenol. And then 2 years later, The Retainer.

Which I’m suppose to wear every night for the rest of my natural life.

Only, I’m a rebel and went 3 weeks without it. And am now paying the price.


I have teeth issues.

By the end of the day, I had extracted a total of three teeth from two very unwilling children. We lost a lot of blood, tissues, and five years from my life, but the evening was marked with celebration and anticipation of all the money that the tooth fairy would likely bring.

When she staggers in after a glass or seven of Port Wine.

When I was tucking them into bed tonight, there was some speculation as to what the tooth fairy actually looks like.

Cailey surmised that she had yellow hair, and wears a big pink dress with puffy sleeves. Oh. And pink high heels that match her hair band.


I could have told them that she goes barefoot, has bloodshot eyes, and wears a ratty t-shirt with a picture of a dead cow with his legs high in the air that reads, “Really, I’m fine.”

As I left the room, I heard Emme whisper, “MOM! I think I have another loose tooth.”

I wonder if I should first sterilize the pliers?

18 Responses to Why the Tooth Fairy Should Drink

  • HAHA 🙂
    I too have a baby tooth still, but xrays showed that my adult tooth is hiding up in gums far from where it should be, so I should be really nice to my teeth if I don’t want a hole in place of that baby tooth.

    I always loved sleeping to wake up to a tooth fairy gift. I don’t remember what the gift was now though, but I know we didn’t have much money (we had grass for meals-my mom would pick it from the yard, that with dandelions BLAH).

    Anyhow, i’m glad you got the teeth extracted one way or another. Jeepers.

  • Ha! I refuse to do teeth. As strange as it sounds, they disgust me! I actually got a little woozy reading this! Which is okay, because my big, brave boys also hate teeth and refuse to allow them to be pulled. We have had teeth fall out while brushing, “pulled out” by the dental assistant when she was checking them, one even flew out of my middle son’s moouth while he was just jumping around the room one day. We then spent the next thirty minutes on the floor searching for the tiny, lost thing! I feel your pain!

  • I can totally relate! My 6yo dd is about to lose her first tooth … it’s sticking straight out from the gum, but won’t budge any further. My 9yo dd suggested that I make some more Bisquick biscuits since that helped her lose tooth no. 11 a few weeks ago. Thanks alot, kid! Makes them sound like they were hard as bricks … they weren’t … really!!

    I suggested that I kick it out like I did for 9yo’s 2nd or 3rd tooth (yep, I really did, though not intentionally … we were playing cops and robbers … I was the cop and she was in jail … my leg was the cell door and she tried to escape … so you can see that it was all her fault, right? Crime doesn’t pay … no, wait, it did … the tooth fairy did pay for that tooth …)

    Oh, well … off to make some biscuits …

  • Tootsie rolls, Jennifer! Although, those really work best on molars. I lost a 12 year molar to a Tootsie roll one time – it came out so quickly I actually did not even feel it come out. I didn’t even know until my Tootsie roll went “crunch”.

    Ewwww…. LOL

  • We’re dealing with the same issues right now. My oldest is seven and FINALLY lost one of his front bottom teeth. The two front bottom adult teeth are steadily coming in directly behind the baby ones, so I had to “help” the first one get loose enough to come out via a pair of pliers and lots of Orajel. Then his daddy tied some floss around it and pulled the knot tight and the tooth went flying! He’s trying to convince us to let him wiggle the next one out himself, but that adult tooth keeps coming and I’m afraid I’m going to have to bust out the pliers again. I have a feeling that his “wiggling” isn’t as effective as it ought to be, either.

    My first tooth came out after I tied a length of floss to it and a doorknob and had my sister slam the really heavy door. Worked like a charm! My least favorite tooth loss was when my daddy removed my two front top teeth with pliers. We had company over and everything and I was dubbed “Snaggletooth” for weeks. I was around ten and it mortified me.

  • My son is just reaching the first-tooth-falling-out age, so we were discussing the tooth fairy. His 4 year-old sister was particularly entranced by this idea (fairies!). The next morning I woke up to discover 3 shiny pennies under my own pillow! A magical moment. Kinda creepy, too.

  • Oh, the retainer thing? Yeah, I gave mine up long ago after having braces in my 20’s. My teeth are doing just fine without it.

    And I have a rule that I won’t pull teeth. I want my kids to keep liking me, thankyouverymuch. Besides, they usually fiddle with them enough that they come out on their own. Whew!

  • LOVED your post! I have 4 kids that are in various stages of losing teeth — half the time the “tooth fairy” forgets their buck and has to sneak it under their pillow while they’re downstairs eating breakfast. Me: “Why don’t you look ONE more time…?” Mother of the Year, that’s ME!


    I feel like I get to take off some sort of intimidating trenchcoat with that phrase…

    take a look?

  • Great post! I have a four year old that can’t wait to have a loose tooth! I wondered why until I found out he is the ONLY child in his pre-k class that hasn’t lost one yet! Since when did this tooth losing deal start happening before kindergarten?!
    That said, when I was little fruit roll-ups totally did the trick for some loose tooth issues. 🙂

  • Can I just say that I became thoroughly overexcited when I saw you had responded?

    Had a celebrity-encounter moment there.

    Any advice on blogging?

  • I love it.
    My daughter decided a similar thing about sylphs having heard she was sylph-like LOL .They are apparently greyish blue and silkily furry, thin and soft and magical.
    By the way, the tooth fairy is a male and has a cockney accent like Dick van Dyke 🙂

  • Yeah if I had a quater for everytime I FORGOT I would be a rich woman.
    I can’t tell you how many times they were getting their breakfast all bummed out that tooth fairy was a no show. Once I realized my error I did an amazing dash in and out and then crashed back to where I was trying to keep my breathing normal. Then I had to comfort them and tell them to go look one more time while silently flogging myself on my lack of parenting skills. *Sigh*

  • i did the tooth fairy thing when my little sister was staying the night with me. She fell asleep in the bed next to me after having put the tooth carefully under the pillow. Then she and I fell asleep.
    The next morning when she didn’t find anything, she went into the living room very bummed. When I woke up a few minutes later, I pulled the money out of the tooth-fairy-hiding-spot and called her back in the room “for a second look”. I somehow convinced her she hadn’t looked properly the first time, and she was very thrilled with the “tooth fairy money”.

  • I had one front tooth that was just not cooperative in coming out. It was ready, but I was chicken, and Mom was doing her best. Dad got fed up with the saga and said, well, I’ll take care of this. He disappeared for a while, and when he returned, he gave us both a fright. He had gone and pulled one of his own front tooth. Mom freaked out. So, unfortunately, he had to ‘fess up that it was really just black construction paper. I can’t remember if that tooth came out that night or not, but I’ll never forget how scared I was that my Daddy pulled his own tooth!

  • Don’t forget to leave some fairy dust aka glitter on the window sill. They love that.

    I always put their teeny tiny tooth into an envelope “so it won’t get lost”, which made it soooo much easier to slip out from under the pillow.


  • Giving her a rather rural appearance. BWAA HA HA HA.

    Our tooth fairy around here is a dud. It always takes her like two or three nights to remember to get the darn teeth. Slacker.

  • Hey Dee Dee,

    Letting you know I just wrote a post including you: